Pirates. Drugs. Gay Marriage. lyrics

by

T-Pain


[Intro: Ruth Marcus (& Michael Gregory, Andrew Gregory)]
Perhaps the Constitution envisions certain one-size fits all solutions--
(Booorrrring! I hear a foghorn! Boorrrrinnng!)
Legislature override a gubernatorial veto--
(Guboringital! I--I'm not feeling any romance between us right now
You gotta do it like this:
Shawtayee; ready, set, go)

[Ruth Marcus]
This was a pretty remarkable week on the gay marriage front
First of all, to have a state like Iowa

[Michael Gregory]
Whatchu trying to say about Iowa?

[Ruth Marcus]
Not the east coast state

[Michael Gregory]
East coast

[Ruth Marcus]
Not the left coast state

[Michael Gregory]
Left coast
[Ruth Marcus]
In a decision written by a republican appointee

[Michael Gregory]
Shawty, now you sounding so fine
Give me your number, we can bump and grind
Talking about politics all night
Leaving the club in the morning light
If we get carried away
We might get gay-married today

[Kiran Chetry]
We just heard from some of our viewers who strongly support legalizing marijuana

[Michael Gregory]
Shawty, 5 of those calls was from me

[Kiran Chetry]
Do you think we should legalize pot alone or all drugs, including heroin, cocaine, and meth?

[Michael Gregory]
My brain says no, but my body says yes!

[Andrew Gregory]
I'm an angry gorilla. I heard you needed me (ooh ooh ah ah)
[Sean Hannity]
Now that Captain Richard Phillips has been successfully rescued
The president has decided to step in front of the spotlight

[Andrew Gregory]
Ooh, I'm angry! You can't see it, but my forehead's veiny

[Sean Hannity]
And even take some credit for authorizing the mission

[Andrew Gregory]
Well, don't you worry, baby boo
You'll always have an angry gorilla to be angry with you
That's what I do
Just ask Donkey Kong, he's in my crew

[Katie Couric]
At the North Pole, new satellite photos show arctic ice is melting so fast

[Andrew Gregory]
Oh snap, how fast?

[Katie Couric]
Many scientists now predict it will be gone within 30 years

[Andrew Gregory]
Surely you jest! I'm under cardiac arrest, shawty
[Katie Couric]
Some researchers think it could disappear in just six

[Andrew Gregory]
sh*t!

[Katie Couric]
Without it there could be a snowball effect

[Andrew Gregory]
Oh

[Katie Couric]
With temperatures rising even faster
If we all don't take bold action and take it soon

[Andrew Gregory]
Yeah

[Andrew Gregory & Katie Couric]
We will find ourselves on very thin ice

[Michael Gregory]
Tell em, Hilary, pirates on very thin ice

[Hillary Clinton]
These pirates are criminals
They are armed gangs on the sea

[Michael Gregory]
That means the ocean

[Hillary Clinton]
The United States does not make concessions
Or ransom payments to pirates

[Michael Gregory]
Embarrassing. Sorry guys
Uh, sorry. Uh, I gotta take this
Hello, shawtayee, we can meet up at the mall. (At the mall)
Browse around at the bookstore, mentally ball until we fall
Love you too, grandma
Ah... sorry. Any other questions...? Anybody you wanna buy drugs? From me?

[Outro]
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