To Keep My Love Alive lyrics

[Intro]
I've been married and married
And often I've sighed
I'm never a bridesmaid
I'm always the bride
I never divorced them
I hadn't the heart
Yet remember these sweet words
"'Til death do us part"

[Verse 1]
I've married many men, a ton of them
And yet I was untrue to none of them
Because I bumped off every one of them
To keep my love alive

[Verse 2]
Sir Paul was frail, he looked a wreck to me
At night he was a horse's neck to me
So I performed an appendectomy
To keep my love alive

[Bridge]
Sir Thomas had insomnia
He couldn't sleep at night
I bought a little arsenic
He's sleeping now all right
[Verse 3]
Sir Philip played the harp, I cussed the thing
I crowned him with his harp to bust the thing
And now he plays where harps are just the thing
To keep my love alive
To keep my love alive

[Verse 4]
Sir Ethelbert would use profanity
His language drove me near insanity
So once again I served humanity
To keep my love alive

[Verse 5]
Sir Curtis made me cook each dish he ate
And everything his heart could wish he ate
Until I fiddled with a fish he ate
To keep my love alive

[Bridge]
Sir Marmaduke was awfully tall
He didn't fit in bed
I solved that problem easily
I just removed his head

[Verse 6]
Sir Marc adored me with formality
He called a kiss an immorality
And so I gave him immortality
To keep my love alive
To keep my love alive