What’s Wrong With This Picture? lyrics

[MIRANDA] (spoken)
Why do you always do this? All I wanted was a normal family photo! And you turned it into a one-man show!

[LYDIA] (sung)
HERE WE GO AGAIN
ANOTHER GAME OF HILLARD FAMILY FEUD

[DANIEL] (spoken)
I was just trying to make it fun! Remember fun? A moment of silence in remembrance of fun!

[LYDIA] (sung)
DAD MAKES A JOKE
AND THEN BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, MUM'S UNGLUED

[MIRANDA] (spoken)
Don't you dare make me out to be the bad guy here. You get all the fun and I get whatever's left!

[LYDIA] (sung)
I'M STARTING TO FEEL IT'S BEEN
FOREVER SINCE
THEY'VE REALLY GOT ALONG

[DANIEL] (spoken)
When you are the one who is overreacting to something. That's ultimately not that big a deal.

[LYDIA] (sung)
AND WE'RE CAUGHT IN BETWEEN
THE BICKERING
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?
[MIRANDA] (spoken)
Because this is what you do! You gеt a whim and you just act on it, without thinking about how it effects others. You'rе like "Ready, Fire, Aim!" And you miss... a lot.

[DANIEL]
Ok, I'm sorry. I'll do better. Now, who wants to play Mario Kart!

[LYDIA] (sung)
HOWEVER THE DAY BEGINS
IT ALWAYS ENDS
WITH HER NOSE OUT OF JOINT

SHE TELLS HIM TO:
"JUST GROW UP!"
SOMETIMES, I KIND OF SEE HER POINT

OUR HOME IS LIKE A BATTLEGROUND
IT'S BREAKING DOWN
I'M TRYING TO BE STRONG

SO I GOT TO BE
THE REFEREE
TO SEE WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE

[ENSEMBLE]
THEY'RE COMING APART,
OH NO!
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE!
WELL, WHERE DO WE START
TO SHOW
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?

AND THEY WILL NEVER MAKE IT THROUGH
IF HE NEVER GETS A CLUE,
NO! OH, HE'S A FUNNY ONE-MAN SHOW!
BUT SHE'S NOT LAUGHING ANYMORE

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?

[MIRANDA] (spoken)
What are you doing home? I thought you booked a commercial?

[DANIEL]
Ugh, the director was an idiot.

[MIRANDA]
Let me guess, you improvised, and he fired you?

[DANIEL]
We "parted" ways over creative differences. I was creative, he was different.

[MIRANDA]
This isn't a joke Daniel. That was a national tv spot! I'm trying to start a new business here, we could have used the money!
[DANIEL]
Hey! Don't worry, it'll all work out.

[ENSEMBLE] (sung)
HE ALWAYS HAS A THOUGHT OR TWO
BUT NEVER STOPS TO THINK THEM THROUGH

HELLO!
IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR FUN, THEN LOOK NO MORE!
OH!
HE HAS THREE KIDS, SHE HAS FOUR

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?

[MIRANDA]
WELL I THOUGHT IT WOULD GET EASIER
BUT IT JUST GETS HARDER
IT'S MADE ME THE NAGGING WIFE
THE MARTYR

I'M LOOKING IN THE MIRROR
AND I DON'T LIKE WHAT I SEE
THE WOMAN THAT I SWORE
I CAN BE

[NATALIE] (spoken)
Daddy!

[DANIEL]
Nattybear! And the Birthday Boy! Wassup dude!

[LYDIA]
Dad, why are you checking us out early?

[DANIEL]
Because! I have a birthday surprise!

[CHRISTOPHER]
What?

[DANIEL]
A party!

[CHRISTOPHER, & (NATALIE)]
Yeah (Yes)!

[LYDIA]
Wait! I thought mom said no parties because of his grades?

[DANIEL]
Oh, she didn't mean that!

[CHRISTOPHER]
What about school?

[DANIEL]
It's fine, I took care of it! Just run. RUN!

[LYDIA] (sung)
ALL OF MY FRIENDS, THEY SAY:
"YOU'RE A LUCKY GIRL, 'CAUSE YOUR DAD IS REALLY COOL"
THEY FIND IT AMUSING WHEN HE COMES
TO SNEAK US OUT OF SCHOOL

I KNOW THAT HE LOVES US
BUT SOMETIMES Y'KNOW
HE REALLY MAKES ME MAD

I'M FIFTEEN NOW
BUT STILL SOMEHOW
I FEEL OLDER THAN MY DAD!

[DANIEL] (spoken)
LET'S PARTY!

[ENSEMBLE] (sung)
WHOO! WHOO!
WHOO! WHOO!

[DANIEL]
EVERYONE GIVE IT UP FOR CHRISTOPHER
EVERYONE GIVE IT UP FOR CHRIS!
EVERYONE GIVE IT UP FOR CHRISTOPHER
NOW WATCH HIM BUST A MOVE LIKE THIS!

CHRIS YOU'RE 12
THAT'S A WHOLE DIRTY DOZEN
YOUR HORMONES ARE BUZZING
AND YOUR PEACH FUZZ IS FUZZING

C TO THE H TO THE R, I, S
YOU KNOW YOU'RE MY BRO
WHEN YOU KNOW YOU'RE THE BEST
NOW WHAT DO YA, WHAT DO YA SAY NOW?

[CHRISTOPHER]
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!

[DANIEL]
WHAT DO YA, WHAT DO YA SAY NOW?

[CHRISTOPHER]
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!

[DANIEL]
COME ON AND PUT YOUR HANDS UP!

[ENSEMBLE]
WHOO!

[DANIEL]
COME ON AND PUT YOUR HANDS UP!

[ENSEMBLE]
WHOO!

[DANIEL] (spoken)
And now, a special treat for the biggest soccer fan in the world!

[STRIPPER]
Happy birthday Christopher!

[DANIEL]
Woah! Woah! WOAH! Who are you? You're not what I booked!...

[Music cuts]

[DANIEL]
Miranda? Surprise.

[MIRANDA]
Kids. Upstairs please.

[LYDIA] (sung)
OH!
I'VE GOT A STINKING FEELING
I KNOW!
SHE WON'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE

[MIRANDA] (spoken)
This isn't working.

[DANIEL]
It was a party. Who doesn't give their son a party on his birthday?

[MIRANDA]
I'm not talking about the party, I'm talking about us. I thought I could make it, at least until the kids were grown. But all we do is fight, and our kids are paying the price! I can't keep living like this!

[DANIEL]
Ok! Ok.. I hear you and, we'll go back to therapy.

[MIRANDA]
I'm still going. You stopped showing up! I'm sorry, Daniel.

[DANIEL]
Wait-? Sorry? Sorry for what? What are you saying?

[MIRANDA]
I want a divorce.

[ENSEMBLE] (sung)
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE!