Haunted lyrics

[Verse]
I don't know why I can't shake this
Feel like I've been living life in the matrix
I don't even feel alive it don't make sense
I just wanna be alright I f*cking hate this
Tell me when's it gonna change
Cause every single person keeps saying the same thing
Stay strong now you'll make it through the pain
But its hard to see the sun when you're living in the rain
I barely know my dad now his hair's all grey
Cause I spent all of my time doing drugs, trynna fade
Out all of the demons when I couldn't get away
I never said I love you instead I would say I hate
All this time gone that I can't get back
Feel like every single night I'm just living in the past
I lie and say I'm happy every single time I'm asked
I don't wanna be a burden so I just put on a mask
Forty-Thousand people telling me I can't quit
I promise that I'm fighting just keep praying that I win
Still got a lot of things that I still keep in
And I need to let them go I don't know where to begin
I used to watch my pap slap my gram and he'd laugh as she ran
And I didn't understand the man was so bad
So I treated him better than I did my own dad
I was so damn young I didn't understand
I seen sh*t that a kid never should
I bottle it all up and act like I'm good
Reality is I'm just so f*cking shook
I feel like an outcast so misunderstood

I miss being young
Back when I didn't have problems, just fun
Back before I had to worry about funds
Now to feel that way I gotta get drunk
I'm still stuck in this rut
Honestly feel like I'll never be up
I'm sick of this feeling I swear that it's f*cked
I need to make changes reality sucks
Still don't know who I am
I look in the mirror like "who is this man?"
I still have no clue of my purpose or path
But something keeps telling me that I should rap
So I keep moving
Took all my pain and then started a movement
I swear to you all that this is more than just music
I put all my life into all that I'm doing
I can't let the fans down
Gotta stick to the plan now
And hope it all pans out
I don't know how but I know this my path now
Sacrificing my life
Turning down friends just to stay in and write
I'm watching them live as I'm sitting behind
And I just keep on drowning but say that I'm fine
Feel like I'm alone
I got all these problems and nobody knows
Everything changing I hate that I know
I used to be happy but now I'm so cold
Cause home isn't home
I just keep on running don't know where to go
These demons keep coming I hope I don't fold
I risk my whole life for this path that I chose