Santa is My Father (Non-Existent) lyrics

[Verse 1]
Last year, we had a family meal
I created ordeals and put my balls in the meat
Down on my knees, all eyes on me
Blow my load inside the family turkey
Family shunned me, said I shouldn't be
Having sex with a piece of poultry
Daddy told me it's okay to be lonely
But it's not okay to get a turkey to blow me?
Remember that thing that Cameron did?
Tried to be in uni', so he f*cked a pig
What we did? Something like this;
Christmas gravy and turkey-di*k
Girls think I'm repulsive, maybe it's a cult thing
Why eat meat when you can make love to it?
My body is pulsing, chest convulsions
I read Kama Sutra, don't resist impulses

[Chorus]
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Turkey laid an egg
Use my balls as stuffing
Then I took it to my bed (Hey)
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Turkey laid an egg
Use my balls as stuffing
Then I took it to my bed (Hey)
[Verse 2]
This year, I met with my family
It turns out they have abandoned me
It seems I have some sexual fantasies
I did last year seemed to anger thee
f*ck you all, I don't need you in my life
I've got more than my family in mind
Wrap some gifts and put them, fire-beside
Got some fowl that's got me mesmerised
I bend down and get f*cked
Made love to a big duck
This year, I didn't get much
But all I need is my turkey's love
Bing it in the mic', let the turkey soften
This is a sequel to Family Problems
Need rehab for this complication
Musical, cancerous situation
Here is a gift from me to you
'Cause it's special, I wrapped it too
We did Rehab and one-nine-two
This year ends with this festive tune

[Chorus]
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Turkey laid an egg
Use my balls as stuffing
Then I took it to my bed (Hey)
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Turkey laid an egg
Use my balls as stuffing
Then I took it to my bed (Hey)
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Turkey laid an egg
Use my balls as stuffing
Then I took it to my bed (Hey)
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Turkey laid an egg
Use my balls as stuffing
Then I took it to my bed (Hey)