Chapter 2 My songs
Jesus take my life from me
Jesus take my life from me take
control of my life for me because
I just can't go another day trying
to pretend I’m ok when I don’t know
what to say or do a lot of people don’t
want to hear me tell them I’m not ok
so when they ask me if I’m ok or not
the only thing I can manage to say
is I’m fine nothing real but you
know exactly what I’m feeling and I
don’t have to pretend everything’s ok
when I’m with you so please Jesus
take my life from me Jesus take my
life from me case I can't take charge
of this life any more Jesus how do
you see my life what is it you see
in me that has value in your eyes
when I’m just nothing but a tangled
up mess always surrounded by the
darkness of this world have I loved
anyone just as you loved me and people
like me many times my mind wondered
off it seems so real but unless my mind
wonders off on you I don’t want my
mind to wonder off at all Jesus take
my life from me Jesus take my life
from me case I can't live this life
myself anymore please Jesus take
my life from me
THIS SONG WAS
WRITTEN BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18 TYPED BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
Just be your self
why do people try to be someone
there not? Always trying to be the
same instead of being themselves
they rather be someone's shadow
but you know what you won't be
anything if you just be like some
one else just be yourself if
people can't accept you for who
you are than don’t make them part
of your story why put up with
people who won't accept you for
who you are when there are people
out there who will accept you just
the way you are all you have to do
is just be yourself just be your self
just be yourself who cares what
others think of you like who you
are than why change it is the
person worth changing for ask
your self who am I changing my life
for and are they worth
changing your life for if not than
just be yourself just be your self
case it’s so much easier to just be your self
instead of changing everything
about you for someone who can't
just simply accept you for who
you are its hard to find these
people now a days but I know
someone who doesn’t want me to
change and maybe you know who
he is he's the Lord our God and
he accepts you just the way you
are so just be your self
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE
17 TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
WHEN THE PAIN IS 2 DEEP INSIDE
Let me sum up what I feel inside
I relive bad memories almost every day
from people calling me names to
throwing whatever they could
find at me one day I was walking
around the complex of where I live
(PROVIDINCE TOWERS) and a
group of kids where
throwing rocks at me it was August 31st
then I got a call that night my mom told
me my great grandmother died of cancer
and I was broken I saw here twice before
she left and both times I wanted to say
goodbye yet each time I saw here it
was as if I didn’t know how to talk
like my voice was just gone next
summer came I was at my grand
mouthers house and my sister called me
crying telling me one of
our friends from middle school just died
of cancer and I haven’t seen or heard
from her in 4 years didn’t even get to
say good bye for the last time
a year later 3 days before
my 19th b day and a year in
2 weeks ago since my great
grandmother died I find out one of
my friends is in jail because he almost
killed someone and cut someone else
now he’s most likely in jail for life
so when you see me and ask me if I’m ok
it doesn’t matter if I have a home, friends and
family because sometimes
when the pain is 2 deep inside nothing
around you matters when the pain is 2
deep inside when the pain is 2 deep inside
often ill start thinking about murder or
suicide but then I think about going to
jail or not going home where I belong
and so I just keep it all locked up
inside because the pain is 2 much
to handle and I don’t know what
else to do so maybe next time
you ask me if I’m ok you better think
real hard if you really want to know
what I feel inside because like I said
earlier when the pain is 2 deep inside
nothing around you matters not even
life itself just keep that in mind case
when the pain is 2 deep inside when the
pain is 2 deep inside when
the pain is 2 deep inside
it doesn’t matter where you are or
who you’re with it all comes back
in a matter of seconds
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 19 TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 19
If I could just disappear and not be found
if I could just disappear and not be found I wouldn’t
have to keep holding everything inside I’m tired of watching out for things I’ve wanted to say and do
weather because it was against the law, I loved
God far too much to carry it out or just case of my
age vs. there’s sometimes it could be all of
the above every day I pretend I’m ok case no one
wants to hear about the pain I go through every day
why I haven’t killed myself yet because I believe God
has a plan for me however lately everything just
seems to come crashing down and I just want to disappear and not be found least not be bothered.
By anyone at all still can’t figure out what’s wrong
with me if I said something if I done something to
them I’m sorry I didn’t mean to hurt anyone now
its like I could just disappear and not be found if I
could just disappear and not be found if I can just
vanish into thin air who would notice me gone who
wouldn’t care what if I left a note explaining why I
left and why you can’t find me no matter how
hard you tried I mean if I could just disappear
and not be found maybe this world would be
a better place maybe people would get along more
I just can’t take it anymore having all this pain locked
up inside for years I wanted to let it go and to forget it
all happened and just move on but it’s impossible
case people keep bringing it up again finally enough
is enough that I just got to say if I could just
disappear if I could just disappear would this
world be a better place would people be able
to get along better than what they do now
mean I seem to be the reason everything goes
wrong if I could just disappear and not be found
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
You can keep on cutting me off but you’ll never understand me at all
11 years nonstop I been trying to
pretend everything’s ok I been
fighting a war with life inside
me sometimes I wonder maybe
it’s something I said maybe its
something I’ve done yet I just can’t
figure it out at all but I have
manage to put together is the fact
that you always ask what I’m thinking
if I’m ok you always ask me about my
life story and every time I try to tell
you just keep on cutting me off so
with that said you can keep on cutting
me off but you’ll never understand me
at all you can keep on cutting me off
but you’ll never understand me just
keep that in mind next time you
bother asking me if I’m ok you
know how hard it is to pretend your
ok when your ripped apart inside I
don’t know why everyone wants to
be the same when no one was made to
be the same why do we all look for
reasons to hate each other why do we
have to hate anyone for anything when
will the wars end for good? Many of
you ask me about relationships and
why I don’t want a relationship here
on earth but like I said every time
I try to tell you it’s impossible I mean
you can keep cutting me off but you’ll
never understand me you can keep on
cutting me off but you’ll never
understand me you know I really find
it hard to believe that you can’t afford
choir but yet you manage to afford
every other elective in the book tell
me how is it that no one knows whose
in charge of what exactly do
you all do at those teacher meetings
anyways case apparently u are not
going over who’s in charge of
what than to say we can ask anything
guess that was a lie course none of this
matters case my voice just doesn’t seem
to matter you can keep cutting me off
but you’ll never understand me you can keep cutting me off but you’ll
never understand me at all you know
everything just adds up inside and the
fact that I just don’t know what to do
or even what to say so the first thing
that comes to mind is the first thing
that comes out of me so you can keep
cutting me off but you’ll never
understand me you can keep cutting
me off but you’ll never understand me
and as long as you keep cutting me
off don’t bother asking about my
life story
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
What is wrong with all of you
I have absolutely no idea
where to begin at this point and time
the way this school works is
disappointing really, you say we need
certain classes to graduate you said
we needed speech to graduate what
I don’t understand is how the hell
could you sit here and tell us what
classes we f… need to get the
hell out of this dam school you can’t
even talk to each other about who
dose what tell me who the hell is in
charge of sinning case managers and
to tell me about it whose job is it to
tell me anything that has to do any
thing with me or are all of u so dam
f…. scared you don’t have the dam
common sense to step up to me
face to face and tell me your dam
selves so let me ask you what is
wrong with all of you what is wrong
with all of you all this talk about how
you want us to pass and graduate its
all bull s…. its nothing but crap but
none of u don’t give a dam do you no one
never actually listens you have no
common sense to keep everyone in
uniform with anything but what I
find so devastating is fact that all of u
have the school behind all of u don’t care so
much their f…. blind to realize
the schools dam system is f…..
stupid look around who the hell do
you think you’re dealing with think
about it if nothing else think
about all this than came back and
answer me what is wrong with you
what is wrong with you what is wrong
please tell me what is wrong with you
when will you take the time to open
up your eyes and see this is not
working all of u are just in this for the
money you tell us that u care but what u
really want is the money tell me face
to face that’s not true I dare you
in fact, I triple dog dare you to come
tell me face to face and tell me its
not about the money you can’t can you
and that’s sad we shouldn’t be worried
about money as long as we all can
work together and help each other
out but all of u are so dam into the
f….. computers all of u don’t give a
f… what’s wrong with your school what’s
wrong with you everyone is different
deal with it no one is meant to be the
same everyone is special in there
own way yet all of u try so f… hard
to be the same and for what whey try
to be someone you’re not let me tell
you everyone has a dream how ever
not everyone works hard to make it
come true and for that reason u all
do what your desires man its
disappointing and sad what’s wrong with
you what’s wrong with your what’s
wrong with you
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 17
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
Just the other day
just the other day I found out that
one of my friends whom I’ve known
since middle school died of cancer
than the next day I came back to hell
inside prison for a group of girls to
through rocks at me for what ever
reason of which I still don’t know
why and drives me insane case I try
so hard to tell my life story but
clearly no one wants to hear do they
care I want to believe that one day
everyone will get along and be friends
for once but now I’m not so sure
because just the other day I found
out officer Elise died of cancer I
didn’t get to say goodbye or see here
for the last time and when my great
grandmother died of cancer both
times I got to see here and say good
bye but the second I saw here I
couldn’t get myself to say anything
finally, I let my anger out but
fortnightly I took it out on the one
person who brought me back to
life and sent his son to die for me
it’s not something I’m happy about
case the last thing I ever want to do
is take my anger out on God and yet
that night I did because just the
other day I found out one of my
friends died of cancer than I came
back to hell inside prison from a
group of girls to start throwing
rocks at me for whatever reason of
which I do not know why right now
all I know is just the other day I
found out one of my friends died of
cancer and I took my anger out on
God who has done nothing for me
to do that yet it happened just because
of what happened just the other day
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
I will always blame myself 4 everything
for so long I tried to hold everything
inside all the pain and lies I been
crosswire so many times that I don’t
know what is real and what’s not I
wonder if there is anything I’m good
at all but right now the only thing
I can’t stop thinking about is the 3 of
you Cherelle, Korrey and Fayth you
know I care for all 3 of you and that’s
never going to change I am sorry I lied
to you about going to furs I shouldn’t
have done that and I’m sorry but
please believe me when I said I wasn’t
ignoring you at all why would I
when you called me my radio was
playing and it didn’t turn off when
you called so I had a hard time
hearing you so I tried to turn my
radio off but in order to do that I
had to turn my phone off yet you just
kept calling and calling thinking I
was ignoring you when I wasn’t now
because of me our friendship might be
over and still have this lump in me
of crying and screaming till
my head blew off or till I fall asleep
and hope I don’t wake up we grew up
together and till now where falling
apart I remember getting dragged into
every battle between you and
Marissa I wanted to find a way where
you all could just get along and
accept each other for who you are
but as you can see that just blew up
and somehow I always mange to
blame myself case that’s what I do
when something anything goes wrong
I find a way to blame myself I’m sorry
For lying to you about furs I shouldn’t
have I tried so hard to keep so many
secrets I got so cross wired I messed
up and now where falling apart
Cherelle remember how you asked me
if I thought you would make a great
mouther and I said yes I still believe
you can and will make a great
mouther just hang in there don’t give
up Korrey I know you’re not stupid I
never thought you where I said what I
said because I’m still having to keep
secrets between all of you weather
you see it or not I tried to keep us all
together but all I did was tear us
apart now where all just falling apart
at least I am I still care about Fayth
as if she was my own always have
always will and Cherelle I know you
where worried about having another
miscarriage and when you told me
about the ones you had before and
that if you were to have another
miscarriage you could go to jail for
child endangerment so I asked God
to give this child to you I hear your
pregnant again and might have a boy
I just hope you’ll be ok that what’s
goanna happen now I’m not sure I just
want to know this is our friendship
over for good do you want to talk to
me or will you shut me out of your
life either way right now and till the
day I die I will always blame myself
for everything that goes wrong I will
always blame myself for everything
I will always blame myself for every
thing that goes wrong
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
Has my life been a waste of time?
God has my life been a waste of time
because it just doesn’t seem like I’m
good at anything Father God please
tell me what it is you have called me
to do in this life I want to carry out
the plan you have for me but am I on
the right road Jesus is there anything
I’m good at besides messing every
thing up or has my life been a waste
of time ever since I was little all I
wanted to do is sing and wright till
this day it’s still something I love to
do but then I’m not so sure anymore
people always telling me what I’m not
good at some of them are part of me
family God do you know what it’s like
to have a passion for something and
than everyone even part of your own
family tell you you’re not good at it at
all so than I wonder has my life
been a waste of time has my life been
a waste of time the government doesn’t
think I can get a job and keep it
starting to think there right Jesus
why can’t I do anything right with my
life am I really just a waste of time
will someone ever tell me what I can
do please tell me what I am good at
God who did you create me to be
why did you bring me back to life?
God please restore me give me peace
once again tell me what do you want
me to do with my life Father God you
know I love you and I always will I
place my trust, hope and dreams in
your hands please restore me give me
peace once again Jesus I will give
anything just to be with you and see
you face to face but I got to know
has my life been a waste of time?
Father God you know what my heart
is like you know my life story from
beginning to end inside and out right
now I need your help please Father
God I can’t go on without you tell me
please am I at least on the right road
to living your plan for me or has my
life been a waste of time has my life
been a waste of time Jesus will you
please restore my heart give me
peace inside once again let me know
that your still with me and you wont
leave my side let me see you and talk
to you face to face please hold me
Father God and carry me through the
pain around me help me move on
show me where to go what to say and
what to do because right now I feel
like my life has been a waste of time
now I just got to ask you has my life
been a waste of time has my life been
a waste of time I got to know has my
life been a waste of time to you is
there anything I’m good at all is
there anything I can do that’s worth
anything to you or has my life been
a waste of time has my life been a
waste of time I just got to know please
Father God tell me has my life been a
waste of time
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
God will never leave my side
let me make this clear to anyone
and everyone who has this idea that I
need a man in my life to be happy
back off now I’m not alone I have
friends and family and when there
not around I’m still not alone because
God will never leave my side no
matter where I’m at what I’ve done or
what I’ve said has saved my life and
he will save yours to all you got to do
is ask him he’s waiting for you with
open arms I know in the beginning in
God's word God said it is not good
for man to be alone and I know some
of you are afraid to see me grow old
alone without anyone by my side but
you seem to forget one thing even
though sometimes we can’t feel him
near Jesus is always with us but Jesus
/ God the Father both said they will
not leave and they never will no
matter what you’ve done what you’ve
said because God still loves you no
matter what God will never leave
my side God will never leave my side
even in my darkest hours when all
seems lost when it feels like just have
faith and knowing God is with you
always till the end of time I know now
I belong to God will never leave me
side God will never leave my side no
matter what the day brings no matter
who tries to bring you down God is
with you always and I know for fact
God will never leave my side God
will never leave my side
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
Father God/ Lord Jesus I need your help
Father God/ Lord Jesus I need your
help but I’m not sure were to begin
see there are times when I wonder
why you brought me back to life
when people try so hard to make me
feel unwanted to tell you the truth I
still feel unwanted from time to time
you know I still think about Adriana
every now and then till this day I still
blame myself for what happened
between us but recently like the day
I went to furs with my sister Korrey
started texting me I knew my sister
didn’t want him to know where we
were so I told him I was on my
way to social security but I had no
idea he was there to and that he saw
me there but what really tore me apart
was when he kept calling and I was
listing to 94.9 klty I couldn’t hear
what he was saying and in order to
turn my radio off I had to turn my
phone off I tried to tell him that yet
he thought I was ignoring him and
I wasn’t was I? was I really ignoring
him not knowing that I was see
Father God/ Lord Jesus I need
your help Father God / Lord Jesus I
need your help I just can’t put up with
the fear of losing the ones I love
including when there like family to me
that I just can’t stand to see us fall
apart but if it’s time to let them
go if it’s really time to say goodbye
for good Father God/ Lord Jesus I
need your help Father God/ Lord
Jesus I need your help case I just
don’t have it in me to say goodbye
for good please Father God/ Lord
Jesus I need your help
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
God take me away from this world
God take me away from this world
fill me with your presence all
around Jesus walk with me as I
journey this world this life lead
the way that brings me back to you
Lord Jesus & Father God at this
very minuet I just want to say thank
you for the bad times I had thank you
for opening up my eyes and seeing
more than just what’s going on I know
you have called me for a reason and
I believe you have a plan for me that
I could never come up with on my
own so God take me away from this
world take me away from this world
when everything seems to come
crashing down and I start feeling
that life is not worth anything
where the truth is life is worth
everything and I forget that
sometimes because I can not
see past the pain I held on to for
10 years straight I know you said
to lay down our burdens that you will carry
it all when you want to the cares for
me and if it’s not too late I want to turn
everything over to you take away the
pain that’s loaded up inside the evil
thoughts that come to mind just take
it all away right now Father God
take me away from this world God
take me away from this world God
take me away from this world Jesus
I believe your returning to this world
again as king of everything I believe
in all you’ve done for me and you
said help me be more like you God
take me from this world THIS SONG
WAS WRITTEN BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18 TYPED BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
Give Fayth 2 me
Remember when you were 9 months
pregnant with Fayth and you asked
me if I thought you would make a
great mouther and I said yes well I
still believe you can and will be a
great mouther I have no doubt in
my mind that you would make a great
mouther but then but then I hear
about Fayth not being in a good
environment I hear a few people are
smoking around her and how it’s in
her system I her she has bruises and
I think what is going on over there but
what I can’t stop thinking about is the
fact that you don’t want your own
daughter and everything she’s been
going through now I just got to say
give Fayth 2 me give Fayth 2 me
if all this is really going on and
what I heard is true than will you
please give Fayth 2 me please give
Fayth 2 me I asked God to not let this
child die inside you and she made it
through now every day and night I’m
asking God that Fayth will be in a
good environment where shell grow
up in a good home and have a happy
life I know she is not my child but I
will treat her like she is mine case I
care for here so please give Fayth
2 me give Fayth 2 me THIS SONG
WAS WRITTEN BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18 TYPED BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
Feel The Flames Rise Inside me
Feel the flames rise inside me feel the
flames rise inside me as the anger and
pain rushes through my body and
every memory plays out like a movie
that never ends hearing so many
voices in my head always saying
one thing and meaning something
totally different day after day you
been trying to put the puzzle of
life together but instead you end up
fighting fire with fire till everything
explodes right before your eyes and
you begin to wonder if all 18 years
of your life has just been a waste of
time feeling unwanted everything
grows dark feel the flames rise
inside me feel the flames rise inside
me feel the flames rise inside me as
the anger, stress. irritation and pain
flares up inside yet still even if I
wanted to I just can’t all because
10 years straight nonstop I just hold
everything inside now just feel the
flames rise inside me feel the flames
rise inside me feel the flames rise
inside me as I try so hard to pretend
everything is ok when I have no idea
what to say or do mainly because no
one can make up their mind or even
tell me what’s going on why people
are always worried about me but can
never tell me what it is there worried
about why can’t I let anything go is it
because I don’t know what it is I’m
letting go so now feel the flames rise
inside me feel the flames rise inside
me feel the flames rise inside me
imagine your self-holding everything
inside for 10 years pretending your
ok when you’re not This Song Was
Written by Natalie Marie Howell
age 18 Typed by Natalie Marie Howell
age 18
Everyone has a dream but not everyone works
hard 2 make it come true
everyone has a dream but not
everyone works hard 2 make it
come true everyone has a dream
but not everyone works hard 2
make it come true people always
act differently when their individual’s
and when there around other
people question is why think about it when where individual’s
we all want to be something and
someone in life we all have a goal
a dream that we want to follow but
than when where around other
people we change our tone our
action we change our mind
about how we see ourselves but
why some feel like they can’t do
anything in this world so they
make others feel and believe the
same thing unfortunately that’s not the
case see everyone has a dream
but not everyone works hard
to make it come true everyone
has a dream but not everyone
works hard to make it come true
so you have this thought that some
have dragged someone else down
will get you exactly what you been
wanting but really it just adds on
and it feels like you just can’t get
it right however as long as your
heart and mind is set on a dream
that you have and truly believe
you can make it come true go
for it don’t let anyone get in your
way case the way I see it is
everyone has a dream but not
everyone works hard 2 make it
come true everyone has a dream
but not everyone works hard to
make it come true and so these
people feel like well is someone
else has the same dream as me they
can’t even pull it off just because I
didn’t make my dream come true
everyone has a dream but not
everyone works hard 2 make it
come true THIS SONG WAS
WRITTEN BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18 TYPED BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
Chained down
I wish I could tell you
everything is ok I wish
I could just be relaxed
and happy but I can’t I been
holding all my anger, pain,
stress, hate inside always
watching what I say and do its
been going on for 10 years
straight doesn’t matter who or
what that’s always going on no
matter how you look at it I’m
always chain down chain
down to this dark cold world and
can’t break free 10 years I been
watching what I want to say
because every time I say and do
something people get worried
talk to everyone they know
behind my back than call
the police on me you do
realize I relive every memory
I have you think that I don’t
do anything and won’t do
anything about what
people do and or say
to me when actually
I’m just holding it
all in letting it build up
for 10 years’ straight now
everything has caught
up with me and I no longer
have energy for life I been
broken down and shattered
into pieces my world is crashing
down all around me which I’m
chain down chain down
chain down 10 years I been
pretending I was ok and to
this day I still pretend
everything is ok however I
just can’t keep going on like
this tell me can I do anything
what am I good for in this world
if all I’ve ever done was being
chain down holding back
everything I wanted to say and
do just because I could never
find a way to re word just what
I’m feeling inside which
brings me right back to
being chain down
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN
BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELL
AGE 18 TYPED BY NATALIE
MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
Father God how do u see my heart
Father God how do u see me I know
you look at the heart of everyone
you crated so in your eyes how do
you see my heart because there are
days when I feel like I been on a
road that was not meant for me and
still haven’t changed roads father
God I believe in you I believe in your
son Jesus Christ and the crucifixion
he went through to pay the price
of my sin yet somehow I still have
this feeling that somethings wrong
and I don’t know what it is father I
trust you with my life and every
thing that I am but please father
God tell me how do you see me
father God how do you see me when
you see my heart what does it look
like in your eyes is it ok is it good or
did it just shatter so many times that
it will always be worn out father
God how do you see my heart what
is it exactly that you see in me that
has value to you I know you have a
plan for me and I want to carry out
that plan but am I on the right road
to carry out your plan for me
father God how do you see my heart
father God how do you see my heart
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
As of now I will never use my voice again
you know I had so many people tell
me or ask me how I’m doing what’s on
my mind and what I feel inside they
all have asked me about
relationships and why I don’t have
one I tried to tell you vocally but
you cut me off I wrote it out 100
different times in 100 different ways
and yet you still don’t seem to know
me instead you rather just tell me
story for me though you haven’t
been with me from the very beginning
maybe it’s something I said maybe its
something I’ve done but no matter
what it is or how many times I try
to tell you my life story you just cut
me off every time you’re worried
about me you talk about it behind
my back thinking I won’t find out and
when I do you ask me why I’m
p*ssed I maybe 18 years old and not
have a job just yet and not pay any
bills at the moment but that doesn’t
mean I don’t have a reason to be
stressed out as much as I am I try so
hard to pretend I’m ok when I’m not
every day I say I’m ok but really I
just don’t know what to say but I
been thinking if all you’re going to do
is cut me off then all I have to say
is as of now I will never use me.
voice again as if now I will never
use my voice again because I’m just
wasting my breath by trying to tell
my life story and you just don’t care
about it until of course I’m p*ssed
and you want to know why once I
tell you I hear you have no reason
to be mad at me case I haven’t done
anything to you really you’re going to
say that to me when I just told you
what I was p*ssed about are you
that stupid now I know people worry
about me I know they care about me
and I appreciate that but if you have
any problems that some how
involves me in anyway what’s so ever
and instead of coming to me you
just call the police I will have a
problem when you tell me to watch
what I say why do you always think
I’m quite about almost everything and
try so hard to be alone it’s because
if I can’t say what I want to say
you’re basically telling me I can’t use
my voice now with that said as of
now I will never use my voice again
as of now I will never use my voice
again I don’t care who it is or what
the situation is my voice clearly
doesn’t matter at all so as of now I
will never use my voice again as of
now I will never use my voice again
till you can give me a hell of a
reason why I should still use my
voice till you can stop cutting me off
all the time and just listen to me than
I will use my voice again but until
that day comes all I can say is as of
now I will never use my voice again
I will never use my voice again
doesn’t matter what the case is just
had enough of this as of now I will
never use my voice again THIS
SONG WAS WRITTEN BY NATALIE
MARIE HOWELL AGE 18 TYPED
BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE
18
moments like this
moments like the one I’m in right
now is where I wish I could just
shut everyone out of my life
a moment where I could just be with
out anyone in life I don’t know what
to do right now but more important
I don’t know who to believe each
side has been so convincing on
saying whose lying and who’s not
you know I can’t even believe that I
don’t have to choose who to let go
and who to stay friends with though
it kills me inside I know one day
everything will just unravel when
it doses that day I will just shut
everyone out and push people away
you think I’m not happy in life there’s
a reason for that I’m clearly not
allowed to be happy apparently
moments like this is just tearing
me apart case I want to some
how bring us all together yet all
of you are so wrapped on who did
what and who said what all these
secrets and lies I don’t know bout
you but I can’t do this anymore
watching all go into war telling
me it’s all going to be ok when every
one knows how this is going to end I
care so much of all of you and
having this painful feeling inside
makes it worse moments like this
I just got to be left alone that’s
never going to happen case of
moments like this THIS SONG
WAS WRITTEN BY NATALIE
MARIE HOWELL AGE 18 TYPED
BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELL
AGE 18
Caged up inside
all along I felt lost and hopeless
left alone in the darkness all I ever
did was see nothing but pain, anger
stress, hurt all this time when I had
to see the ones, I care about just fall
apart right before me I tried to say
something I tried to do something
but I was just caged up inside I
always pull back when people
desperately tried to start up battles
case the pain I’m in but don’t want
want anyone to know I been told
so many times I have a voice that I
should use it but I been cut off so
many times you don’t remember me
ever using my voice in fact only
time you really know my voice is
when I’m singing and once again
I’m caged up inside caged up inside
caged up inside many times I tried
telling my life story yet no one ever
listen you just cut me off and go do
your own thing talks to people
around you laugh bout nothing yet
you still bother trying to figure me
out why what’s the point what is it
you’re looking for all you’ll find is a
girl caged up inside trapped in life
waiting for only one Savior one
king one father to help me here
find out who she is what she’s mad
for a few times shell be caged up
inside caged up inside every
memory she’s ever created flowing
through here mind both good and
bad times rooming around into deep
thought and for what just to find
out who she is where she belongs
in this life many times I tried writing
my life story turned it all into songs
through my life will come to an end
my story will live on no matter what
I maybe caged up inside right now
but one day I will come out as the
inner me the person I was created
to be just needs time to figure that
out right now until than I’ll be
caged inside caged inside caged
inside this life you can walk over
me take advantage of me but really
what your doing is becoming part
of my life story that will be known
when I’m no longer caged up inside
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 17
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
why am I always stuck in the middle?
why am I always stuck in the
middle? Why am I always stuck
in the middle? This battle between
the 6 of you is killing me inside I
can’t just stand by and do nothing
yet I have absolutely no idea what
to do or what to say I hate seeing
all go downhill like that’s what’s
going to happen to us how is this
battle going to go down whose
going to fall apart who’s going to
stand till the end why am I
always stuck in the middle why am
I always stuck in the middle I can’t
decide who to stay friends with
because where family not friends
and we shouldn’t be in this position
at all look at us what’s going to
happen now why am I always stuck
in the middle why am I always
stuck in the middle you tell me I
don’t have to decide who to stay
friends with and who to let go yet
I still have that feeling inside so
then why am I always stuck in the
middle why am I always stuck in
the middle if I hear any of you tell me
I’m not stuck in the middle ill start
breaking and burning everything
in my way why am I always stuck
in the middle there’s no way out of
this battle someone’s going to get
burned scars will appear some deeper
than others so now what’s going to
happen who’s going where will this
family stick together or will we all
fall apart point is why am I always
stuck in the middle why am I
always stuck in the middle why am
I always stuck in the middle
knowing for fact I can’t decide who
to let go and who to keep I just can’t
and sitting around wondering what
I’m supposed to say or do its killing
me inside yes I pretend I’m ok all
the time but when u put me in the
middle of the battle I just can’t so
than tell me why am I always stuck
in the middle why am I always
stuck in the middle it’s so hard to
see u like this and not knowing
what to do or say tell me why am I
always stuck in the middle why am
I always stuck in the middle
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 17
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
If God called me
if God called me I would answer it
the second I saw his name on my
collar id it wouldn’t matter where
I was it wouldn’t matter what time it
was if God called me I will answer
I will listen to his voice I would
start talking as if we were face to
face and been friends for so long
you can say whatever comes to
mind but if I had to choose between
anything in this world and God I
would say good bye world and
hello Father God I will always
choose God above everyone and
everything if God called me if
God called I will answer and carry
out the best conversation I could
and would have in the history of
life case God is always with me
he is always ready to listen to my
heart not one day goes by where
he’s too busy for me so if God called
me I will answer if God called me
I will answer in a heartbeat just
to hear his voice will make my day
to know his coming back one day
gives me hope to hold on to this
life if God called me to come home
that’s exactly where I’ll go if Jesus
called me I will answer and carry
out a conversation with him if Jesus
called me any time and day I will
answer his call because I want to
have a real relationship with God
the Father & Jesus my Savior so
if they called me doesn’t matter how
if they call me I will answer I will
carry out God's plan for me even if
it kills me because if God called me
he’ll call me to tell me what he
wants me to do where he wants me
to go who he wants me to talk to
and what to say if God called me if
God called me I will answer if God
called me right now I will open up
my heart to him I want God only to
take control of my life and lead me
to him I can hear so many bad
days and even if it doesn’t seem like
it could possibly be ok I know it will
be great yea my emotions might get
caught up and reach but really no
matter what happens I know I’m not
the one in control of my life and I
never want to be so yea if God
called me I will answer if God
called me I will answer I would
give up everything I have I would
give up my entire life just for Jesus
to come into my life and take
control of my heart when the dark
times come they’ll fad away just by
talking to God & Jesus having a
real relationship with them is the
only relationship I want in this life
if God called me I will answer if
God called me I will answer don’t
care where I am or what time it is
if I ever see God's name on my
collar id I will stop everything in a
heart beat just to answer his call
and have a relationship with him if
God called me if God called me if
Jesus called me I will answer the
call in a heartbeat it can be any
time of the day and no matter where
I was the second my phone goes off
and I see a collar id with God's
name on it I would answer that call
if God called me if God called me
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
Maybe I’m not meant 2 know
I been thinking a lot lately mainly
case there’s something on my mind
that I just can't seem to get past all
along I blame myself for the hell
people do to me yet I still don’t
understand what it is I said or
what I did for people to talk about
me behind my back or the fact that
no one can come to me and I just
want to know why case in case you
haven't noticed I care so much what
people say what people think and I
care so much what they feel inside
I understand a lot of people say
they care when they don’t but I
put myself in every position every
angle and aspect in life I look at
all negative and positive to life
case if there is any I try so hard
not to show what I feel inside maybe
I’m just not meant to know anything
maybe I’m not meant to know why
everyone worries so much about
me what if I’m not meant to be in
this world but then if I didn’t
belong anywhere and if I didn’t
have a purpose in life why than
was I bought back to life am I
even aloud to feel anything inside
guess not case it clearly doesn’t matter
at all maybe I’m not meant 2 know
maybe I’m not meant 2 know anything
bout this place maybe I’m not meant 2
know THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN
BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELL
AGE 17 TYPED BY NATALIE
MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
18th b day
3 months 2 weeks I will be 18 I’ll leave
this place with a smile on my face
without a word to anyone 3 months
2 weeks I will be 18 no more putting up
with all these little games and
listing to he said/she said no more
being a target for people to though
stuff at 3 months 2 weeks 3 months
2 weeks 3 months 2 weeks I will be 18
I’ll leave this place with a smile on
my face without a word to anyone
and I am not coming back I’m tired
of no one listing to me when they
just asked me what’s wrong telling
me they listen and they never do no
more nagging about who to trust
and who not to trust case the day I
hit 18 I will not be in Dallas I don’t
care if I have to walk out of here
I will not be in Dallas 3 months 2
weeks I will be 18 3 months 2 weeks
I’ll be 18 3 months 2 weeks I will be 18
no more putting up with all this crap
people want to through at me no
more finding out people are so
worried that they can't come talk to
me instead they just call the police
3months 2 weeks 3 months 2 weeks
I’ll be 18 3 months 2 weeks I will be 18
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 17
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
Don’t ever let go of the ones you love
Don’t ever let go of the ones you
love don’t ever let go of the ones
you love case the very second you
let them go you never know when
your goanna see them again or if
you’ll ever get her back hold on
to all the memory’s you have with
them never let them fade away
because you just might forget about them
no matter what don’t ever let go of
the ones you love don’t ever let go
of the ones you love don’t ever let
go of the ones you love don’t ever
let go of the ones you love don’t
ever let go of the ones you love
case it will hurt more than anything
you can ever imagine more than hell
can burn you eternally trust me had
that feeling many times and I still
don’t even let go of the ones I love
don’t ever let go of the ones you
love don’t ever let go of the ones
you love no matter what they did
to you no matter what they said to
you no matter what the case may be
just don’t ever let go of the ones you
love don’t ever let go of the ones
you love don’t ever let go of the
ones you love even if you want to
even if you feel you have to don’t
ever let go of the ones you love
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 17
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
Does it matter what I feel inside
I don’t know how to explain this
feeling inside it’s a feeling which I’m
not used to because I have family
and friends who care for me how
ever every time someone ask if I’m
ok or what’s on my mind I start to
tell them than I just get cut off
so let me ask you dose it really
matter what I feel inside dose it
matter what I feel inside you’ll just
twist my words around so you don’t
understand what I been trying to
tell you for 17 years now just out of
curiosity does it matter what I feel
inside does it matter what I feel
inside even if I started to tell you
or if I did tell you at all you
wouldn't know it because your too
busy cutting me off doing what ever
you feel like doing than you ask me
again and again like I’m going to
change how I feel inside with that
said dose it really matter what I
feel inside does it matter what I feel
inside does it matter what I feel
inside or should I just say the
first thing that comes to mind
you know there are days when I
see myself in the mirror and just wish
I didn’t have a reflection or if I
could break the mirror with out
people getting worried about me
maybe if people could put
themselves in my position just like
I put myself in their positions or try
to anyway than maybe we would all
understand where were coming
from so now let me just ask you
again does it matter what I feel
inside does it matter what I feel
inside THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN
BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELL
AGE 17 TYPED BY NATALIE
MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
My body is shutting down
my body is shutting down and there’s
nothing I can do about it lately
life just gone too fast I can't even
get my own thoughts together any
more in fact I try so hard to keep
up with everything at school and
at home that I never realized until
now that my body is shutting down
my body is shutting down my body
is shutting down my body is shutting
down yes I’m over worn out and
passed every level of tired and
weary that I just don’t have anything
in me anymore I’m completely
empty inside when you see hope
light, dreams all filled in me
my body is shutting down my body is
shutting down I try to keep going
but now I just pushed myself too far
of where it was meant to be so why
am I still going on knowing that my
body is shutting down my body is
shutting down my body is shutting
down and when it doses I will no
longer be in this life anything I
want is for someone anyone to take
care of my songs & guitar to live
my story for those who did not get
to know me or what I was and why
I was here and now my body is
shutting down my body is shutting
down THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN
BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELL
AGE 17 TYPED BY NATALIE
MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
Over worn out
every day no matter where I am
people always push me around and
nag me till they get exactly what
they want every day people say
whatever they can you see what I
would do or say they always want
me in a relationship because they
think I need one apparently it’s a
extremely big deal but what you
don’t realize is that all the pain you
cause me I hold it inside and write
it out you think I’m too stressed but
really my body is just over worn out
over worn out over worn out the
reason why I don’t do anything
or tell anyone about what people do
to me is because I know my God
is watching all that’s going on
and I can go to him always with
anything and everything case
unlike you my God actually listens
to me and hears every word I’m
saying he doesn’t twist my words
around like all do in fact the only
thing you ever do for me or to me
is making sure I’m over worn out I’m
over worn out the next time you see
I have hope and strength in me
body again you start your games
again people think you do it case
your hurting inside but I know that’s
not true even I can feel it u
seem to care about is to make sure
that I’m over worn out __________
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE
17 TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
I will not run from pain/life
So many years have gone by and I
am a mess right now everyone
always nagging me people always
throwing whatever they can find
just because they don’t have any
thing else to do just so you know
I will not run from pain/life I will
not run from pain/life even when
it gets so bad to the point where
I can't even breath at all I will still
keep walking keep going on till the
world comes to its end no matter
the battle or war that’s going on inside
me or around me no matter how
many deaths people face around
the world when the only thing you
see is evil and darkness keep in
mind I will not run from pain/life
I will not run from pain/life you can
call me whatever you want you can
tell my life story for me but you
most likely won't get it right at all
and when the fire comes I’ll be here
when everything falls apart I will
not run because I will not run from
pain /life I will not run from
pain/life even if it kills me inside
and out I just won't run THIS
SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE
17 TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
Credits
you have 3 minutes to explain
to me why u can't give north
Dallas mine and my brothers
credits so we can get our f….
diplomas and go on to collage all
known for fact I want to be a singer
and a song writer come on now
what happened to all want all your
students to graduate high school
and go to college and if you
f…. gave up on that you really
need some series help I know kids
can be stupid and play around and
drive the teachers and staff mad
but soul help me I will be dammed
if you can't seem to give north
Dallas my credits and my brothers
credits I know u have some
common sense now d…. use it
less you really want to see full
rage of anger which by the way
I’m not afraid to f… do just
know that when that happens
people will come up missing
for generations to come I guarantee
you that on top of that you realize
how f….. hard it is to keep
pretending you’re ok when you’re not
now I’m only going to ask you one
more time when the hell will you
not give north Dallas our credits
explain that to me all my paper
work we need you gave me why
wont you give north Dallas high
school our credits like you
should’ve done in the 1st dam
place is this your way of saying you
want us back case as I see it there’s
no reason for you to not give north
Dallas our credits that we need I
been taking gym when I don’t need 2
case you haven't given them our
f…. credits THIS SONG WAS
WRITTEN BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 17 TYPED BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE
18
Don’t you want 2 see your wish come true
do you remember me from 2 years ago
it was the day before you moved
away and the day after a 35 year
old man tried to kiss me I can still
hear him say he wanted to f… me
just case he hasn’t had a girl in a
while does this sound familiar at all
how about when you held onto me
arm and when you said I’m not a
true friend that I don’t care about
anyone else but myself which by
the way we both know that’s not
true at all don’t you want 2 see
your wish come true don’t you want
2 see your wish come true please
tell me you remember your wish I
believe it went something like this
I wish you would regret this day
that you will feel bad and you will
not sleep case of this day remember
my heart stopped that very
moment and I was frozen solid all I
can say at this time is don’t you
want 2 see your wish come true
come on isn’t this what you wanted
I mean after all you did want me to
suffer and that’s exactly what’s
happening right now in fact I believe
if I remember correctly we were near
one of the side buildings on the
other side of the gate in our
complex about 5-10 feet away
from the street when you said
it so than tell me don’t you want 2
see your wish come true don’t you
want 2 see your wish come true
don’t you want 2 see your wish
come true (guitar solo) _________
__________________________
don’t you don’t you don’t you want 2
see your wish come true don’t you
want 2 see your wish come true you
do you remember the wish don’t you
remember I do remember it like it was
yesterday don’t you want 2 see your
wish come true THIS SONG WAS
WRITTEN BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 17 TYPED BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
Mabel your right Adriana
Mabel your right Adrianna maybe
I’m not a true friend like you said
but your wrong about me not
caring for anyone else I will
always think of others and do my
best to make them happy but I
shouldn't have to change who I am
just to keep others happy maybe
your right Adrianna maybe your
right Adrianna maybe your right
Adrianna your life is not perfect course I
never said my life was perfect I know there’s
many things I wish I could change
but I can't and you know what I’m
not going to keep pretending I’m ok
when I’m falling apart and right now
I’m falling apart even now but
because of what you said but
because I was supposed to be a God
mouther to one of my friends
child but the baby died at 14 weeks
we never did find out if it was a boy
or a girl but now were both hurting
inside maybe your right Adrianna
maybe your right Adrianna maybe?
just maybe your right Adrianna but
I can't just sit here and act like
everything is ok case it’s not and I
still cry myself to sleep case of it
maybe your right Adrianna maybe?
your right Adrianna THS SONG
WAS WRITTEN BY NATALIE
MARIE HOWELL AGE 16 TYPED
BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELL
AGE 18
Burned out
burned out burned out burned out
burned out heat rises up inside me
every day I can feel the anger
racing around just waiting to
come right on out at any given
movement but then every thing
stops and it all just turns away yet
it builds up all the time till finally
I’m burned out burned out burned out
take a look at me what do you see
when you get inside my mind what
do you see what do you hear its
been said that for someone to treat
you like crap you must be treating
yourself like crap but what if its
the other way around what if you
used to like who you where until
people put you through hell and
what if it got to the point to where?
your body is burned out burned out
burned out you got so burned out
that everywhere you look you see
fire rising from the ground you feel
the heat coming down and down
till you can just picture what hell is
than you start telling yourself that’s
where you’re going to go case of the
life you lived and so you try to
change who you are but it seems
like it’s too late and now your burned
out burned out burned out burned out
burned out burned out you want to
let go but you can't your trying to
figure out why but it drives you
mad than you just lose all hope
and try to shut your body down
but you can't now your burned out
burned out burned out THIS SONG
WAS WRITTEN BY NATALIE
MARIE HOWELL AGE 17 TYPED
BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELL
AGE 18
Walk through fire
all I ever do is walk through fire
in life I say this because I look
around see pain and suffering
darkness all around I put myself
in everyone’s position in every
situatuation and when I try to do
something when I try to help in any
way I can I find myself getting burned
than fire rises through my
eyes and I start walking through
fire I walk through fire walk
through fire gives you scars
that you can't change pain you just
can't let go question’s flaring
through your mind and you feel
alone there’s no hope out of this but
than you get this small feeling like
there’s a way out so you sit down
and think things through and when
you can't figure it out you begin to
walk through fire walk through fire
you walk through fire because its all
you can do and when it’s all over
you wonder what will people think
or say and would I care or not but
for now, while I’m still alive in this
world I will walk through fire walk
through fire the bigger the
problem the bigger the fire the
more stress the more it explodes
yet you keep walking because you
walk through fire walk through fire
walk through fire it’s the only thing
you can do at this point so you
close your eyes taking the anger
and you walk through fire
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 17
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
The battle of my heart is the battle of my mind
the battle of my heart is the battle
of my mind the battle of my heart
is the battle of my mind every day
I try so hard to hold all my pain
I try so hard not to show how bad
I’m hurting everyone always
throwing rocks and what ever
else they can find boys always
trying to get me in a relationship
girls always telling me I need a man
in my life to be happy but that’s not
true I have God right by my side he
is all I need to be happy everyone
always playing there sick twisted
games refusing to see what there
doing to me refusing to realize that
hurting people just case there
hurting is pointless the battle of
my heart is the battle of my mind I
can't do anything or give you
everything you want because I
rather focused on my relationship
with my Savior and my Heavenly
Father but all this nagging asking
me for money you know I don’t have
I just couldn't put up with it
anymore that now the battle of me
heart is the battle of my mind the
battle of my mind is the battle
of my heart and it just grows inside
every day every time you just put
me through hell all the time you
know I’m starting to get even
worse because people always twist
my words around and always
calling the police just case they
can't come tell me what there so
dam worried about always those
who are f…. watching me you
won't ever fully understand me and
whey I do what I do I’m tired of
people who can't make up there
dam mind of all people who want
me to do everything for them just
case there too lazy to do it them
selves with that said the battle of
my heart is the battle of my mind
the battle of my heart is the
battle of my mind to tell me I don’t
have a reason to live and to kill me
self you have no idea how many
times I tried and couldn't but I was
hurting weather, you saw it or not
weather you believe it or not I was
hurting and you know I blame
myself for what all did to me
and for what you all said to me
I still till this day ask myself what
did I do or say to you for you to
treat me this way just can't take it
anymore and now this is what its
all come down to the battle of
my heart is the battle of my mind
the battle of my heart is the
battle of my mind the battle of
my heart is the battle of my mind
when I try to make things work
when I try to overcome evil with
good I get burned, hurt, scared and
shattered I ran out of hope, love
peace, faith and so much more its
unbelievable and sad as well as
disappointing but hey whey should
that matter to any of you at all for
any reason you wonder why I lost
all trust for people whey I hate
people so much but still try to love
them anyway well take a look at
my life put yourself in every
position every angle every aspect
every decision from small to big
than tell me if you can see it now
and believe me when I say that the
battle of my heart is the battle
of my mind the battle of my heart
is the battle of my mind you know?
I can only do so much at once and
work hard to hold back from doing
or saying anything I may regret
later on in life you say it’s pointless
to care what anyone else says
thinks or dose to someone I think
it’s sad and disappointing
and unbelievable to say that
because you’re basically saying you
don’t care if that person lives or
dies and if they killed themselves
you wouldn't care tell you find out
the reason they killed themselves
you to begin with see now whey I
said the battle of my heart is the
battle of my mind the battle of
my heart is the battle of my mind
it never ends case you never leave
me alone you always bring up what
I went through in the past than you
wonder why I never let go whey I
never forget about it all see all
make up one theory after another
refusing to listen to my story you
don’t want to hear a word from me
but then when I don’t use my voice
you wonder why you hit me when
you don’t get what you want you
think it’s funny and a game until
something goes wrong and you
think what just happened what did
I do and you look for ways to blame
someone else for something you did
all do everything to pretend
nothing’s wrong and move on with
your life but you can't now your
inside my mind and can't escape
now you can see that the battle of
my heart is the battle of my mind
the battle of my heart is the
battle of my mind there’s no way
around it no way to avoid it no
matter how bad you wish you
could there’s no turning back
because the battle of my heart is
the battle of mind the battle of
my heart is the battle of my mind
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE
17 TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
Make everything stop
make everything stop just make
everything stop case clearly I can't
seem to think sight or get my mind
together while time goes on thing
after another and it just keeps
going so when you ask me what’s
on my mind I always ask you where
do you want me to start case me
mind isn’t organized I can't really
think straight unless you make
everything stops make everything
stop make everything stop you
say I’m too young to stress but check
back with me when your still
wondering why you had battles
you regret and wish you could take
back but knowing you can't you
want me to be relaxed but I just
can't not when I got too much to
work with and not enough time
you always ask why I make
everything so complicated when it
doesn’t have to be step into my mind
and less than a min you’ll wish
someone would eventually make
everything stops make everything
stop make everything stop make
everything stop case it’s all just too
much to short out while old
memory’s run around my mind like
some short of game that never ends
when all you see is the pain you
been through and listen to what was
said you realize that it’s like if you
don’t give them what they want
they’ll put you through extrema hell
and all you’ll be able to say is will
someone make everything stop make
everything stops make everything stop
make everything stop I don’t care
who does it I just want someone
to make everything stop I want to
be able to clear my mind with out
being interrupted all the time but for
that to happen I need someone to
make everything stop THIS SONG
WAS WRITTEN BY NATALIE
MARIE HOWELL AGE 17 TYPED
BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELL
AGE 18
What did I do
you want to know why I do what I
do but there’s one thing I want to
know what did I do what did I do
serially what did I do for someone to
bite my arm or for someone to
through rocks, mettle, footballs
what have I done for someone to
tell me to kill myself I don’t have a
reason to live etc. some people say
it’s because I love to sing even
though I’m tone deaf and some
people say it’s all about relationships
and if that’s the case let me make
this clear if it’s about me singing
deal with it case I’m not hurting
anyone and no one said you had to
list ion to me now if it’s about
relationships let me explain
something to you when people put
you through hell the love road
vanishes into thin air got it now
with that said what did I do what
did I do case I have no idea you
don’t realize that all the pain you
cased scares me some deeper than
others but still I want someone
to come tell me what I did for
all this I just don’t know what did I
do what did I do tell me what did
I do_______________ tell me just
tell me THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN
BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELL
AGE 16 TYPD BY NATALIE
MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
I just want 2 clear my mind again
ever since I moved away darkness
killed my body bad memory’s
flooded my mind and I haven't been
the same I try to block it out but its
still there and I don’t know what else
to do I just want 2 clear my mind
again I just want 2 clear my mind
again I want to find a place where
I can be by myself just be able to
shut my eyes and go into deep
thought without being interrupted
once I can't do that here case there
is nowhere to go littler I can't go
nowhere without people not
following me and it’s not that I don’t
want to hang out with you but there
comes a point in life where I need
to be by myself for a while right
now I just want 2 clear my mind
again I just want 2 clear my mind
again all I want right this very
moment is to clear my mind of all
thoughts and sleep short than out
but I can't do that here not when I
have people watching me or talking
about me behind my back thinking
I would never find out and when I
do there lucky I haven't figured out
who it is that all I can say is I just
want 2 clear my mind again I just
want 2 clear my mind again THIS
SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARE HOWELL AGE17
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
Don’t feel sorry for me 4 no reason
let’s get 1thing straight if you’re going to
sit here and tell me why you feel
sorry for me I suggjust you tell
what it is your so dam worried
about otherwise don’t feel sorry
for me 4 no reason doesn’t feel sorry
for me 4 no reason because if you
feel sorry for me for absolutely no
reason that just says you don’t think
I can take care of myself at all and
we both know that I can so the next
time you decide to tell me that you
feel sorry for me but you won't tell
me whey I’m going to give you
something to be sorry about where
you end up flying out the window
from the 3rd floor try me if you
want to let’s just see how well
you think you know me if I where
your id listens to me when I say don’t
feel sorry for me 4 no reason doesn’t
feel sorry for me 4 no reason case
it’s going to come back to you and you
yet you wish you had told me from
beginning whey, you felt sorry for me
and just for the record if it had to
do with my disability I would
mange case I’m going to live me
dream one way or another I’m
going to be a singer and a song
writer and if you have a problem
with that to bad don’t feel sorry for
me 4 no reason doesn’t feel sorry for
me for no reason case one-day I
will be back and I’ll ask you one
last time when do you feel sorry
for me and if you can't tell me than
don’t feel sorry for me 4 no reason
don’t feel sorry for me 4 no reason
don’t feel sorry for me 4 no reason
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 15
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
Every day I wonder why no one can't tell me
What’s going on
don’t just don’t talk to me at all if
you can't come to me and tell me
straight up what’s going on whey
what would be the point on talking?
2 me exactly there isn’t and every
day I wonder why no one can't
tell me what’s going one every day
I wonder why no one can't tell me
what’s going on every day I wonder
whey no one can't tell me what’s
going on I always find out from
someone else you know what that
feels like I start wondering do you
really trust me like you say you do
do you really trust me like you say?
you do please don’t tell me I should
know case I figure if you can't tell
me straight up what’s going on I don’t
have your trust case every day I?
wonder why no one can't tell me
what’s going on every day I wonder
whey no one can't tell me what’s
going on yet they all want to know
what’s going on through my mind
they want to know what I’m up to
and where I’m going as if I was
going to hurt myself but whey
should I tell you anything if every?
day I wonder why no one can't tell
me what’s going on every day I
wonder why no one can't tell me
what’s going on you know what whey
does it matter you don’t want to tell?
me anything that’s fine just don’t get
p*ssed when I freeze and shut me
body off don’t get p*ssed if I turn
into flames case every day I wonder
whey no one can't tell me what’s
going on every day I wonder whey
no one can't tell me what’s going on
every day I whey no one can't tell
what’s going on every day I wonder
whey no one can't tell me what’s
going on THIS SONG WAS
WRITTEN BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 17 TYPED BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE
18
There’s nowhere else to go
it’s just not the same anywhere I go
there’s only one place I could go to
clear my mind but now I go back
and all I see is me and you fighting
the day before you left and now
there’s nowhere else to go and now
no matter what I do no matter
where I go all these memories’
are running around my mind
the 1 question that makes me p*ssed
floats around and through it all
what really hurts are when you said
I’m not a true friend and maybe your
right but than if I’m a really bad
friend whey do I have so many
never mind that doesn’t matter case
now that there’s nowhere else to go
there’s nowhere else to go now I
haven't slept and when I do I wake
up in bad moods and I don’t feel like
myself any more there’s no where
else to go there’s nowhere else to go
no matter where I’m at its just not
the same any more if you could
only see me now but it’s too late
there’s nowhere else to go there’s no
where else to go there’s just there’s
just no matter what I do or where I
go there’s nowhere else to go there’s
nowhere else to go there’s no where
else to go THIS SONG WAS
WRITTEN BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 16 TYPED BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
Someone call the police on me
Really.... Really people are being
murdered or robbed and all call
the police on me just because your
worried about me people are being
robbed and raped and your worried
about me look I know I’m not like
everyone else but scarily your
going to call the police on me ill
tell you what let someone call
the police on me someone call the
police on me go ahead case with
all the hell all put me through I
don’t care anymore case in the end
I’m going to give all something to
be worried about something you’ll
lose sleep over it you want to see
the inside of me than go ahead
someone call the police on me
someone call the police on me case
at this point there just going to call
in the FBI and if you think for one
second I’m going to prison just
watch let’s just see if your right
someone call the police on me
someone call the police on me
someone anyone just call the police
on me and see what happens bet
you a thousand dollars I’m not going
to jail or prison anyone who wants
to take me up on the bet just call
the police on me all case your
worried about me finally realized
how stupid it was to call the police
on me for something you could just
come talk to me about it and tell me
what worries you so much someone
someone call the police on me some
one calls the police on me THIS
SONG WAS WRITTEN BY NATALIE
MARIE HOWELL AGE 17 TYPED
BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELL
AGE 18
When you feel like you can't hold on that’s when you hold on the hardest
oo_____________hmm__________
when you feel like you can't hold on
that’s when you hold on the hardest
when you feel like you just can't
seem to do anything right when
every road your on is a dead end
and darkness flares all around you
just put an end to it all it doesn’t have
to keep going on like this anymore
all the pain and anger you held
inside for so long just can't hold
back anymore you feel it coming
out but it doesn’t come out at all
I know what that’s like case I’ve been
there before all I can say is when
you feel like you can't hold on
that’s when you hold on the hardest
yea I know it’s hard when people tell
you to let it out and when you do
they make a big deal out of it you
feel like you’re the reason everything
that goes wrong is case of you even
when it’s not it’s still feels that way I
know case I’ve been there before
when you watching the people
you care about fall apart your
asking yourself what did you do
where did you go wrong you never?
let it go if it feels like your falling
apart inside your losses all hope of
getting out of a mess of a dark
whole that’s so deep so far down it
hurts you just decide to let go that’s
when.... when you feel like you can't
hold on that’s when you hold on
the hardest when you feel like you
can't hold on that’s when you hold
on the hardest when people put you
through hell and they just won't
listen to you just keep going keep
holding on case in the end dose it
really matter yes it dose but what
can I do how can I forget every
thing I been through when it keeps
coming back tell me when some one
through stuff at you when they set
you on fire or bite your arm just
case you won't give them what they
want is that any reason to give any
one what they want feeling like you
can't do anything right people tell
you don’t have a reason to be
here but you do and I know it’s hard
and you feel like you just can't pull
through with whatever you’re going
through right now I’m here to tell
you when you feel like you can't
hold on that’s when you hold on
the hardest when you feel like you
can't hold on that’s when you hold
on the hardest when you feel like
you can't hold on that’s when you
hold on the hardest that’s when you
hold on the hardest case your
coming to an end you no longer
have to put up with the b… s…
people try to pull every day when
they keep nagging you to the point
where you just can't take it anymore
just ember when you feel like you
can't hold on that’s when you hold
on the hardest when you feel like
you can't hold on that’s when you
hold on the hardest that’s when you
hold on hold back what you want
to let out case people just going to
keep going even if you don’t do
anything to them or what they still
going to nag you and pull at you till
you give them what they want but
it’s up to you if you’re ready to give
them what they want it’s up to you
to decide who you trust and who you
can't trust when life gets too hard
and you can't stop from killing
yourself stop and think about the
people who care for you think
about how they would feel if
you killed yourself now I know I
reached that point I regret trying
to kill myself but now is the time
where I put an end to it will put an end
to all pain in the history of pain
life is way too short to start up fights
or put people out of house life is to
short to not eat ever day life is too
short for people to kill other
people or rape others and for
what does it do for you so next?
time you reach this point and if all
feels like it’s just way too much to
handle keep this in mind when you
feel like you can't hold on that’s
when you hold on the hardest when
you feel like you can't hold on
that’s when you hold on the hardest
case you never know what the Lord
has instore for you it’s hard to see
when people crowd around you
expecting one thing from anything
whey asking you for many like you
one of them may begin with or with
out people who just can't seem to
understand that something you
just want to be left alone to think
no interruptions for anything but than
they drag you in the middle of a
fight and you have to decide how its
going to end you won't like it but
they did get you into it so you just
put an end to it all you just stand
there like nothing happened but
what you’re really doing is your
putting their anger on top of yours
and it just keeps building up people
p*ss me off yet I hold back people
let this anger off at me and I figure
when you feel like you can't hold on
that’s when you hold on the hardest
when people can't accept you for
who you are accept them just the
way they are case there just like
you just different reaction it’s not
easy but still even though you just
can't seem to hold on anymore
when all hells bout to break loose
keep this in mind when you feel like
you can't hold on that’s when you
hold on the hardest when you can't
hold on that’s when you hold on the
hardest when all seems lost and all
you see the darkness remember this
when you feel like you can't hold on
that’s when you hold on the hardest
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 17
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
My home is nowhere to be found
my home is nowhere to be found
here in this world doesn’t matter
where I’ve been or where I’ll go
in this life my home is not in this
world I don’t belong in a world
filled with anger, pain and hate
look around you people are dying
there fighting for their life and
what do we do we just stand around?
like nothing’s going on I don’t know
bout you but I’m not about to sit
around and watch another family
go through something that they
could’ve avoided my home is no
where to be found my home is no
where to be found all this time I was
living in darkness reliving memory’s
I wish I never had now I’m breaking
free I’m putting an end to all this
madness doesn’t ask me how case I
don’t know but I do know that this
world could be better if we took
care of it but after everything this
world has gone through all the wars
and small fights my home is no
where to be found my home is no
where to be found day in and day
out I’m still looking still hoping to
find a place where I belong but
instead I end up at a dead end and
if it feels like there’s nowhere to go
this is why I say my home is no
where to be found my home is no
where to found people look at me
than walk away some p*ss me off
and some just can't make up them
mind my home is nowhere to be
found THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN
BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELL
AGE 17 TYPED BY NATALIE
MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
What’s wrong me
what’s wrong with me what’s wrong
with me I know I’m not like every
one else but then whey is every
one trying to be the same when
everyone is different every one
is different every one has there
own talent so why is it people are
trying to be the same one they’re not
or is there something I just haven't
caught on to that I should’ve caught
onto by now clearly something is
wrong with me so tell me what’s
wrong with me what’s wrong with me
is it the way I look is it case I don’t?
really want a relationship how bout
my anger problem is that what it is
or maybe it’s the fact that I don’t
sleep like all do well hey maybe
if people would stop fighting
laughing, playing around at 4:40
am maybe I would sleep better all
this talking about me behind me
back like I’m not going to find out
this has to come to an end so then
can someone tell me what’s wrong?
with me what’s wrong with me what’s
wrong with me just go ahead and
tell me what’s wrong with me whey is
it that all can't come tell me face to
face what your problem is with me
yet when I have a problem with
someone or something I have to
talk about it for get it just tell me
right now what’s wrong with me
what’s wrong with me no one knows
this but I’m always holding back
something I been holding onto for
far too long but every time I try to
let it out it just can't come out of
me at all what’s wrong with me
what’s wrong with me what’s wrong
with me THIS SONG WAS
WRITTEN BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 17 TYPED BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
A hole in my soul
Every scare you see the anger you
feel inside me all the stress I live in
case I can't escape from it just
created a hole in my soul a hole in
my soul through I try so hard to
hide my pain I try so hard to
pretend I’m ok when clearly I’m not
and all it did was make things so
much worse by which I mean I
now have a hole in my heart a hole
in my heart and that just grew
bigger tonight when a girl through
rocks calling me a b…. and
talking about my mom like she met
here so now I have a hole in me
sole a whole in my sole a hole in me
sole a hole in my sole a hole in me
soul thinking to myself what did I
do to you for you to p*ss me what
did I say or do to you that got you?
mad at me know what don’t worry
about its case once you see the
whole inside me all be asking the
same thing I’m asking right now
what did I do for all this and now?
because I relived my pain I have a
hole in my soul a hole in my soul
in my soul but none of this matters
to you dose it all you want is a
reaction of anger than when you
get your reaction you ask me if I’m
ok do you not see there’s a hole in
my soul a hole in my soul
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE
17 TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
Where do I go from here?
where do I go from here where do I?
from here from a place that feels
like my world is about to collapse
at any given moment where do I go
from a place that seems so dark
can't see a thing this is where I’m
at right now I reached a point where
I don’t know what to do where to go
or even what to say I get caught up
in the middle of every battle where
it seems like I could lose every
friend I have in this world where
it feels like no matter what you say
do or go you’ll still loose the people
care the most about with that said
someone tell me where do I go from
here where do I go from here where
do I go from here case I don’t know?
before you know it scars start
appearing anger starts building up
guilt rush around my mind and I
wind up reliving all the pain I been
through not forgiving myself for
anything just case I can't so it seems
like I’m at a dead end and don’t know
where to go I just want to know
where do I go from here where do I?
go from here where do I go from
here what do I say next time I’m in a
spot where I have to decide who to
let go and who to hold on to what
am I supposed to do when I can't find?
myself and my heart stops for just
a moment case I don’t know I mean
where do I go from here where do?
I go from here where do I go from
here where do I go from here
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 17
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
Don’t you ever get tired of fighting
don’t you ever get tired of fighting
tired of risking the lives of the ones
you love so much and for what for
land popularity tells me why is it
people want to fight so much you
wonder why there’s so many wars
its case we can't seem to stop
fighting at all doesn’t it get old after
a while I know I’m tired of watching
people die are hearing about
someone’s death all case we can't
seem to put aside our differences
look everyone is different in them
own way just going to have to accept
it cases you can't change it so now
think about it and tell me don’t you
ever get tired of fighting don’t you
ever get tired of fighting people
look for many reasons to fight
weather its case of cheating
lack of communication or
if someone you cared about died
case of madder and your figure
out who the murderer was and
you go and kill them tell me how
does that make you feel inside?
I know for fact I’ll feel crampy
about it and I would regret it for
life is that what you want or do
you want peace and friends
put away the differences and focus
on what you have in command don’t
you ever get tired of fighting don’t
you ever get tired of fighting seeing
how all it really does is build up
along with hate and pain than
you find yourself stressed and
looking for ways to take it out
on people which happens to be
fighting what I don’t understand is
whey I mean don’t you ever get tired
of fighting don’t you ever get tired
of fighting THIS SONG WAS
WRITTEN BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 17 TYPED BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE
18
I can't hold on any longer
sometimes it’s hard to see where
you’re going something its hard
to look at where you have
been feeling like you just can't let
go of the pain you been holding
in all this time thinking back
realizing people only hurt your day
in and day out its all we can do but
then people will say and do any
thing to get you p*ssed people tell
you not to be mad at them for
anything they tell you to let
your anger out yet they want you to
hold it all in and you don’t know
what to do and all I can say at this
point is that I can't hold on any
longer I can't hold on any longer
holding in but the pain pretending
I’m ok web I’m not trying so hard to
hid how I really feel case I can't let
it out I’m at a dead end and no
where to go nothing to say feeling
like your trapped in a prison that
you just can't get out of look at me
I can't hold on any longer I can't
hold on any longer I can't hold
on any longer I can't hold on any
longer I can't hold on any longer
even if I tried even if I tried to
make things work out it just
explodes right before you and your
right back to where you started
losses, hopeless, scared, hurt
broken that’s me right this very
moment I can't hold on any longer
I can't hold on any longer I can't
hold on any longer I can't live like
this anymore going back and forth
trying to find out the truth being
pulled left and right not knowing
what to do I just gate stop
breathing for a while just to shut
my body down while this war goes
on for years and still don’t get any
where that finally I just got to say
I can't hold on any longer I can't
hold on any longer no matter what
I do I can't hold on any longer
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 17
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
This has to end now
this has to end now I’m tired of
seeing people kill themselves
case people couldn't leave them
the hell alone and you think there
not going to take serially well we do
imagine if you were on the other
end and someone kept thronging
stuff at you kept calling you names
making you feel like you have no
reason to live and most importantly
to tell someone to go kill themselves
what the hell is wrong with you of
course there going to take that serially
case they feel you where write so
than you find out they killed them
selves and turns out they killed
themselves case you couldn't leave
them the hell alone all I know is
this has to end now this has to end
now I don’t give a dam what your
f…. situation is and I really
don’t give a f…. what your
problem is in fact you really want
to release your anger out at
someone don’t care who it is you
want to release your anger out at
someone come find me but don’t
you dare make people feel that they
should kill themselves because they
will I know case I been down that?
road I know how it feels so believe
me when I tell you this has to end
now this has to end now your may
think this is finny but tell that to
the families who lost their children
because all of u b…. want to so call
play around and make people feel
unwanted than what you can't take
and now you realize this has to end
now THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN
BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELL
AGE 17 TYPED BY NATALIE
MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
Friends will turn their back on you
never work for a friend no matter
how close they are to you case you
will regret it I did I baby sat for
here 3 daughters it was a nightmare
and I never got paid for it and when
she did pay me she only paid me for
the 1st time so trust me when I say
friends will turn their back on you
friends will turn their back on you
they will walk out on you and hurt
you deeply not knowing it the 2nd
time I had to watch here 3
daughters I went home with a major
headache thinking it would be ok
case shell pays me back soon and
yet she never paid me like she said
she would that’s when I began to
lose all trust for anyone and
everyone because friends will turn
there back on you friends will turn
there back on you friends will turn
there back on you no matter who
you are or where you go some point
in time friends will turn their back
on you and then what would you
still trust them I don’t now I have
a major problem trusting people
all because of what happened to me
friends will turn their back on
you friends will turn their back on
you THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN
BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELL
AGE 17 TYPED BY NATALIE
MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
I’m letting go
I’m letting go I’m letting go of me
life all the pain I been living in for
so long seeing nothing but
darkness its time I moved on and
turned away from all this anger and
stress so I’m letting go I’m letting go
you can hit me call me names and
play your little games but your just
not worth my time and its pointless
to keep feeling like I don’t belong
when I know there’s a home I
could go to when I leave this world
you all will be hired but when is it
ever easy to not do or say what you
really want to do and say but when
you think about it and realize it will
never end unless you change turn
around and head for home so I’m
letting go I’m letting go I’m letting go
whey holds on to something that’s not
worth my time or that does not help
me in any way at all exactly there’s
no point at all now I don’t know bout
you but I’m letting go I’m letting go
I’m turning my life around and I’m
heading home where I know for
fact its where I belong I’m letting
go of all my anger inside I’m letting
go of all the pain aggregation
irritation case it’s just pointless to
keep it all inside you can hurt me
as many times as you want but ill
always be here to accept you for
who you are to love you for you and
be friends even if you talk about me
behind my back hoping I won't find
out I’m letting go I’m letting go I’m
letting go of everything I’m starting
all over only this time no matter
what you do to me it will be ok ill
still be here for you when you hurt
inside I’ll still be here for you when
you hurt inside I’m right here to
help in any way I can THIS SONG
WAS WRITTEN BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 17 TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELL
AGE 18
I lived in taxes for 2 long
I lived in taxes for far 2 long for
the past 17 years I been in teas
almost 18 years once 4 months 2
weeks comes around and though I
did have some good times here in
taxes depending on where I was or
where I am right now I also had
way too many bad memories’ here
and for that reason I want to leave
taxes I don’t want anyone to feel
like I don’t want to hang out with
them or see them ever again because
that’s not true I basically want to
leave taxes simply because I lived
in taxes for 2 long I lived in taxes
far 2 long I do have a state in mind
as to where I want to live and that
is organ with my step cosign and
here mom or in Minnesota where it
gets down to the negatives in the
winter many times I tried to find
a way where I could talk this out
without feeling/ knowing you would
be hurt I just couldn't do it I will say
this though every chance I get and
if our schedule works out perfect for
all of us I will come down to visit
however, I cannot make any
promises and if you ever need to
talk I’m only a phone call away
but I lived in taxes for 2 long I
lived in taxes for 2 long I lived in
taxes far 2 long and my memory’s
of taxes will never far away even
the ones I want 2 forget I lived in
taxes far 2 long
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 17
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
To young 2 stress
I maybe to young 2 stress but it’s a
little to late not to be stressed after
all look at what people put me
through if there not throwing
anything at me there calling me
names and irritating the crap
out of me I mean if I don’t give
people what they want they’ll hit
me and make me feel unwanted
so tell me I’m to young 2 stress to
young2 stress to young 2 stress you
should’ve thought about that before
you put me through hell now I try
so hard to hold my anger in to
keep my grades up as much as
possible I try not to be mean to
people but when I get to the point
where I could just beat the blood
right out of you and I’m to young 2
stress I’m 2 young 2 stress I’m 2
young 2 stress I’m to young 2 stress
I maybe young but I’m full of anger
hate, pain, stress and don’t know
what to do with it at all now this
is what I am and if you want to tell
me I’m to young 2 stress I’m to young
2 stress I’m to young 2 stress tell me
would you not be stressed as well as?
I am when people keep playing
their twisted games thinking its
funny when its clearly not once you
know what I’m going through would
you than say I’m to young 2 stress I’m
to young 2 stress I’m to young 2
stress every day my eyes burn with
anger yet it can never come out all
case I’m stressed I know I’m to young
2 stress I’m to young 2 stress THIS
SONG WAS WRITTEN BY NATALIE
MARIE HOWELL AGE 17 TYPED
BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELL
AGE 18
Do you really want 2 talk 2 me?
so you come to visit people that
seen you in so long people who
have contact with you but you
don’t bother to call or text me you
don’t write letters and there anyway
I could get a hold of you was
through Facebook but after you
stopped talking to people on fb
I losses contact with you now I’m
just wondering do you really want 2
talk 2 me do you really want 2 talk
2 me I hired you got a job also herd
you went to jail for stealing do you
really want 2 talk 2 me do you
really want 2 talk 2 me case it
seems like you just want to cut
people out of your life there’s so
much I just want 2 say so much
I want 2 know but if I can't get a
hold of you at all than I wonder
do you really want 2 talk 2 me?
do you really want 2 talk 2 me case?
if you did you would know what’s
been going on around here but
then I understand you could just be
busy with work but I would figure
you would try to get a hold of me
as soon as you could so tell me do
you really want 2 talk 2 me do you
really want 2 talk 2 me or should I
just cut you out of my life _____
I can't do that even if I wanted to
and I don’t I just wish we could
talk more catch up on everything
that’s been going on I been counting
down till my 18th b day for a
reason do you really want 2 talk 2
me THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 17
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
My life is over
(whistle)___________________
my life is over my life is over me
life is over my life is over my life
is over it doesn’t matter what I do
it doesn’t matter where I go and it
doesn’t matter what I say because
it’s clear this world doesn’t need
me there’s nothing here for me to
do in fact everything I do is wrong
can't seem to do anything right
even if I tried I’m all alone I can
already see how my life will be and
it’s a little like this my life is over
my life is over my life is over me
life is over just when I thought I
found a way out just when I had a
little belief my life could change it
all vanished in less than a million
second and I’m right back to where
I started losses and helpless it’s me
felt people die I’m the reason people
are hurt every day it’s all case of me
and now my life is over my life is
over my life is over my life is over
there’s no reason for me to be here
anymore been in depression for far
too long buried in scares that can't
be renewed I’m now broken and
shattered into pieces to continue on
would just make everything worse
case my life is over my life is over
my life is over my life is over me
life is over I clearly can't be mad at
anyone for anything I can't do any
thing where people hit me you
wonder whey and yet I’m still at a
dead end can't go anywhere can't do
anything my life is over my life is
over my life is over my life is over
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 17
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
I stand alone
I stand alone on thousands of things
but when I just went through some
thing I never thought I’d never hear
when you took credit for something
I did tell me what the hell where
you thinking than you have me do
all the work in 8th period while all
do yells own thing you know what
keep it up because now I stand alone
I stand alone in everything when it
comes to this school let me tell you
whey I do my work try hard to keep
my grades up and on group projects
even though I mainly do all the
work I let all put your names on
there so all would not fail clearly
that was a mistake and I won't let
it happens again so the next time
you decide to take credit for
something I did and tell me in me
face I didn’t do anything you best
believe that now I stand alone I
standalone I stand alone if you
start to notice and your willing
to change and work with me I’ll let
you back in but if you’re just going to
treat me like this it was nice
knowing you oh wait no its not
in fact, I’ll be better off without all
of you don’t bother coming to
me for another project case I’m not
going to go through this again to
make sure this never happens
again I stand alone I stand alone
I stand alone why should I work
with you if you’re going to 1 tell me
I didn’t do anything 2 take credit
for something I did do and tell the
teacher I didn’t do anything if I
recall nether of you came up with
anything on your own you just
wanted me to tell you what to
write and let me see you scratch
my name off the project and ill
be sure to release all anger I
held inside for so long then when
you start to ask me whey I’m mad
before you can even tell me I have
no reason to be p*ssed at you you’ll
be in a coma for 6 years and when
you wake up the 1st person you’ll
see is me as your worst nightmare
you may not see it right now but
trust me when I tell you my anger
line just broke and now I stand
alone I stand alone I stand alone
I don’t need any of you in my life
didn’t need you before and I sure as
hell don’t need you now I’ll talk to
you the same way you talk to me
so don’t even go there and tell me
how I should and should not talk
to you case the way I see it unless
all get this tightened out from
now on I stand alone I stand alone
I stand alone you come near me ill
break away I won't open up to you
at all and I will not put up with your
problems I will not let you stress
me out case I have enough stress as
it is I’m not about to let you make it
worse so now I stand alone I stand
alone I stand alone I stand alone
and I always will know it doesn’t
bother me case ill rather be alone
than to be with someone who can't
do a project themselves and always
expect me to give out everything
and do all the work you know what
next project that comes around I’m
not going to do a dam thing I’m just
going to make you do it all on your
own don’t ask for any help case I
won't help you after all I stand
alone THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN
BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELL
AGE 17 TYPED BY NATALIE
MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
Can't seem to wrap my mind
you know what I can't seem to wrap
my mind around the fact that
people can't shut up and listen to me
than they ask me what’s wrong with
me they follow me everywhere I go
they keep nagging me about
relationships as if it where the
world’s biggest situation right now
it’s like no matter what I do I can't
seem to do anything right what ever
I say or do it turns into an explosion
and I feel like everything is my felt
that whatever goes wrong it’s all
case of me but than people tell me
that I’m here for a reason that what
ever goes wrong is not case of me
and now I’m sitting here wishing
someone would tell me what to do
where can I go is there a place for
me to go case right now I feel like
I fell into a dark whole and can't
escape I look around and all I can
see is everything I ever been
through and wonder what have I
done wishing I could take it all
back knowing I can't just get me
wondering where do I go from
here tell me where to go case I don’t
know I don’t know where to go what
to say or even how to react at this
point and I just can't help but
wonder whey did I do what I
did whey did I say what I said whey
did I react that way I wonder what?
would happen if I just didn’t do
anything including breathing if I
just accepted everything mad
everyone happy somehow what
would happen to me where would
I be THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN
BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELL
AGE 17TYPED BY NATALIE
MARIE HOWELL AGE18
Explain why you can't talk 2 me
explain why you can't talk to me
someone explain this to me case I
don’t understand it at all see you
want me to talk to people I can trust
when something's bothering me
you want me to talk about it but
but when I’m just talking to a friend
doesn’t matter who it is or how long
I talk to them someone ends up
calling the police on me and every
time they tell me they got a call
case all are so dam worried
about me you know what they can't
all just shut the f*ck up and leave
me the hell alone its clear you’re not
going to tell me what your problem
is with me when your concerned
about me for whatever reason you
won't tell me face to face so then
with that said explain why you
can't talk 2 me explain why you
can't talk 2 me know what forget it
you won't talk 2 me why the hell
should I talk to any of you and yes?
you can forget about me saying
goodbye case I’m just going to leave
without a word it may hurt some of
you but you can thank who ever
called the police on me last night
case now I’m done talking and if
you ever want me to talk to you
again than explain why you can't
talk 2 me explain why you can't
talk 2 me explain why you can't
talk to me yet you want me to talk
to you all the time I don’t care what
the situation is I don’t care if I was
on fire again in fact I would just
stand there and burn all you people
who said you were going to kill me
go ahead I’m standing right here I’m
not going anywhere explain whey
you can't talk 2 me explain whey
you can't talk 2 me THIS SONG
WAS WRITTEN BY NATALIE
MARIE HOWELL AGE 17
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
Where did life go
waking up feeling like you just don’t
want to wake up at all not having
energy to do anything to go any
where or even to say a word finding
yourself asking where did life go
where did life go no one around
to see or talk to no one to get a hold
of feeling like your all alone that’s
what I feel every day even though
I know I have family and friends
but it won't be long before there all
gone nowhere to be found and all
you can see is your world your life
crashing down on you the only
question that keeps coming to mind
is where did life go where did life
go where did life go nothing to
do nowhere to go looking for
a way out of this mess but there
isn’t one feeling all alone thinking
no one can find you just can't
take it any longer all the explosions
you had inside everything you held
inside just couldn't hold it anymore
so you finally break now your
wondering where did life go where
did life go where did life go what
happened to everyone and every
thing buildings crashing down
and all you can ask is where did
life go where did life go
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 17
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
I will never be ok
why does all ask me if I’m ok
when you p*ssed me off and I’m
already hurting as it is I keep
telling you I will never be ok I will
never be ok I watched all me
friends walk out on me I losses
a friend before she walked out on me
which left me in depression and to
make it worse I losses my God
child and I never found out if it
was a boy or a girl that’s whey I
said I will never be ok I will never
be ok I will never be ok I lost all
trust for half the people I know
I’m getting tired of people always
asking whey, I’m mad and if I’m mad
at them case they should already
know that yet I have to explain
it day in and day out so do you
understand now whey I always
said I will never be ok I will never
be ok I will never be ok not like this
I won’t be and as long as this
continues I might as well act
like I’m ok when I’m not but the truth
is I can’t keep pretending I’m ok
whim I’m not I’m tired not being
able to sleep I’m tired not eating just
case I’m not in the mood but that
doesn’t matter at all to your now
dose it so you know what I will
never be ok I will never be ok I
will never be ok I will never be
I will never be I will never be ok
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 16
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
The one-day hope came into this world
This time of the year is the most
amazing time of the year on this
very day you came into this world
to live a sinless life to lead us all
out of the darkness you gave so
much all out of love but you also
gave us hope again a hope that gets
us through life no matter what the
pain is this is the day hope came in
to this world I remember reading your
word about loving enemies and
treating others, the way you
wanted to be treated most of all I
ember reading where you said you
didn’t come for the rightists
instead you came for the sinners
to give us another chance to have
an everlasting life with you if only
we believe out of that you find hope
so it’s this time of the year where
hope and love came into this
world people changed some for the
better some for the worse but those
who changed for the better can
and will tell their story about how
you came into their life it all comes
back to this day the day hope came
into the world the day hope came
into this world we are no longer the
same our hearts have changed
when you took over this is the day
hope came into the world THIS
SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
What happened 2 us
everyone just shut the f*ck up
and listen Kory I don’t care what
Terry reminds you of he is not like
your step father or anyone in your
family who has hurt you I’m not
taking sides so don’t give me the
bull s… about whose side I’m on
Cherelle you have to wake up and
look at what’s going on I know you
and Kory have a daughter and
Fayth needs both her mouther and
father but are you really going to risk
losing your whole family just
to be with Kory please don’t tell
me I’m choosing sides case really
I don’t want to shut you guys out of
my life Marissa, Suzan, Terry I
know all are hurting inside your
all tired of the bull s… that goes on
between all of your hell I’m f….
tired of watching all of you go into
a bloody war because all can’t
seem to accept each other for
who all are and that kills me
if God is mad let him take it out on
me let me be the one to go down in
flames case there’s nothing I can
do to get all to get away so if God
is p*ssed bout what’s going on please
let him take it out on me I know one
day I would have to choose between
all and I know if we gave up it will
be painful case as I’m weighting this
out I’m creating a beyond blood
both inside and killing my self
continually you just won’t be able to
tell for a while case I won’t show it
but trust me when I say I’m destroying
myself on the inside right now case
of all these lies and secrets all this
talk about leaving or killing your
self I tried so hard and hoped for
as long as I could that one day you
all would just get along and accept
each other for who you really
are now I keep thinking and after
hearing all of you I’m sorry can’t do
this anymore Cherelle, Korrey &
Fayth I’m sorry as much as this all
kills me I am aware that once I say
this you will not allow me to see
Fayth ever again and we can’t ever
see here again but this is where I
tell you I can’t keep this up anymore
this is where I leave this world and
not come back go ahead try to talk
me out of it give me a hell of reason
to believe that this is over that you
all can get along and accept people
for who they are case as of now
there’s nothing I can do I told all
before that I could never choose
between all that it would kill me
inside if I had to countless times I
had this feeling and now this day is
coming I was just hoping I was
wrong and that we could all just get
along by the way Cherelle your dad
was hitting on me and you can tell
him to stay out of my life for good
sorry but this is what it’s come down
to if there was something I could do
something I could say for all to
just accept each other for who
all really are I would but I can’t
force you to put up with anyone you
can’t seem to deal with right now all
I know is I will never be the same
again I will put up with a lot ill
even put up with some of the we say
to each other and do to each
other but now that it’s all come
down to this I got to leave this world
I got to leave this world I can’t put
up with this like I said before if God
is p*ssed please let him take it out
on me case I cannot stand by and
watch all get hurt again I’m
already with pain/anger/stress etc.
but all have a daughter together
and one day she’s going to know who
we all are and whey you can’t let
here come see us anymore how
do you think Fayth will react when
she learns the whole truth bout
what was said and done she would
most like be distressed but hey its
not like all could just easily accept
each other just to stay friends and
here I thought family cares supposed
to stick by you though everything I
thought family do one of the most
important thing in life but look at
us now whey all of us is falling
apart and as for me I’m starting
a blood bath inside what happened
to us what have we all done for this
I don’t know about you but I’m sorry
for everything God I’m sorry for
what was said and done I’m sorry
we no longer can stay together like
a family once again I’ve let you
down and I’m sorry for breaking
your heart again
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE
18 TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
I’ll always be standing
I put up with a lot as you can
problem tell I put up with people
calling me names and toughing
stuff at me ill even put up with
people setting me on fire but no
matter what you do or what you
say doesn’t matter how many times
you hurt me or try to break me
down I’ll always be standing ill
always be standing even when I
walk or find myself in fire even
when I’m in my darkest hour it will
always be ok case no one in this
life is in control you can get
caught up in this world or you
wake up look at what’s going on
all your doing is ending family’s
by taking the people away from
them you know I try so hard to stay
strong when everything is just
crashing down I try so hard to
pretend I’m ok when I’m not but even
then I’ll always be standing even
when I fall or mess up ill always
be standing you know what I can’t
understand why do we all look
for a reason to hate each other
some people madder other people
others commit suicide or attempt to
commit suicide because they feel like
they don’t have a reason to live
wonder where that feeling comes
from but mainly whey can’t people
accept people 4 who they are is it
that hard to do if all you had to do
in life was accept each other for
who they are on the inside but even
then maybe if people would just
listen for once I know how bad
this economy has been and still is I
know that we don’t have a good
government or president for that
matter but you know what other
people have it so much worse we
steel have freedom some people
don’t you know what kills me more
than anything is seeing people out
on the streets and families who can’t
eat every day or at all for that
matter I wish there was something I
can do but right now I just feel
useless but even so I’ll always be
standing because I’m not alone in
this life I have family/friends who
care for me and love me for who I
am but most of all I have a Father
king/ Savior/friend who will never
leave my side no matter what I’ve
done even if I failed many times
his always here with open arms
I’ll always be standing I’ll always be
standing docent matter how
broken I am doesn’t matter what I
feel case I’m not the one in control
for that reason, I’ll always be
standing I’ll always be standing
even if you kill me with words or
actions I’ll always be standing ill
always be standing THIS SONG
WAS WRITTEN BY NATALIE
MARIE HOWELL AGE 18 TYPED
BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELL
AGE 18
Take me away from this world
I have no more energy inside me
I don’t feel anything anymore I’m not
aerated not mad not happy or
sad I just don’t feel anything
anymore maybe I’m over stressed
maybe I’m over worn out what ever
it is now its like I could just shut
down and not come back so go
ahead take me away from this
world take me away from this world
I don’t care where as long as its
quite and I was left alone instead
of listing to people fight all the
time day in and day out instead
of hearing about people talking
about me behind my back and then
call the police on me don’t ask me
whey I’m p*ssed how about your fogger
it out I hired so many times come
ask anything but I don’t ask
anything cases I’m afraid I don’t
ask anything case nobody knows
don’t you dare sit there and tell me
I’m wrong case I still remember no one
bothered to tell me I had a new
case manager so when I ask
about it nobody knows what’s
going on or who’s in charge of
what then all of a sudden I’m just
supposed to know everything when
no one bothers to tell me about it
so please take me away from this
world case I just can't take it any
more there’s nothing I can do
nothing I can say anymore
every day I relive memory’s
even if you can't tell I’m always
relieving memory’s whey case I
still force everything inside every
day I come to a school in which I
try to make work but all I do is get
burned sometimes I don’t see a reason
to be in this world anymore go
ahead freak out call fib’s most
wanted tell the world that a girl
has been holding everything inside
all the pain she has kept inside and
now she’s just letting it all out short
of look I know I have a voice but
this voice of mine just keeps getting
cut off now if there’s nothing more
someone anyone please just take me
out of this world take me out of this
world don’t tell me all this bull S….
about how you want me around and
need me case truth is some of you
want me dead I just can't figure out
when you haven't killed me yet no
one can't seem to tell me what there
problem is maybe I just wasn't
supposed to be here I don’t know
what to believe so don’t ask me
please just don’t ask me anything
instead just take me out of this
world take me out of this world
it would just be better if I left
this world so please take me away
from this world THIS SONG WAS
WRITTEN BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18 TYPED BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
I’ll find out one way or another
really! what the hell did you’re not
think I would find out clearly not
look I had enough if your trying
to convince me to stay at this
school you just took a major
step in the wrong direction don’t
play stupid with you both know
what I’m talking about if all have
something that involves me in any
way whatsoever COME TALK 2 ME
ABOUT IT BUT DONT YOU DARE
TALK ABOUT ME BEHIND MY
BACK case I will find out ill find
out one way or another ill find
out one way or another doesn’t
matter from who or where I’ll find
out one way or another so before
all 2 ask me what’s wrong with me
you better think real hard as to
whey I might be turning dark red
YALL WONDER WHEY I HATE
THIS SCHOOL SO DAM MUCH
what’s bad is I came from Dallas
I was born died and born again
how I came back is unbelievable
Arlington was far better than this
and yes I go back in a heart beat
but you make the time to talk about
me behind my back keep in mind
I’ll find out one way or another
I’ll find out one way or another
I’ll find out one way or another
I’ll find out one way or another
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 17
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
I’m sorry for everything
I’m sorry for everything I’m sorry
for everything for not being a
true friend and for always
getting mad at people when they
case me pain but that’s going to end
right now go ahead through what
ever you want I bodily can't do a
thing about it I’m sorry I ever had
feelings in the 1st place for being
full of hope and dreams I don’t
know what I was thinking when I
wanted people to see what there
doing to me and making me feel
like I don’t belong in this world like
I can't do anything right I’m sorry
for everything I’m sorry for
everything just listens don’t say
a word just let me talk I’m sorry
I make people laugh I’m sorry
people come to me when there
hurting but in the end you don’t
need or want me here and I just
want you to know that I’m sorry for
everything I’m sorry for everything
I’m sorry for everything for all the
hurt I caused you know I was
thinking your right I’m not a true
friend I’m sorry I couldn't give you
what you wanted I’m sorry I thought
that some of you would change
but I can see now that’s never
going to happen no matter where
I am or where I go I just want all
to know one thing, I’m sorry for
everything I’m sorry for everything
I______________ I’m sorry for
everything (guitar solo) _______
all the pain I cased all the people
I trusted and shouldn't have trusted
I’m sorry I’m sorry _____________
Sorry______________ _____
I’m sorry for everything THIS
SONG WAS WRITTEN BY NATALIE
MARIE HOWELL AGE 17 TYPED
BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELL
AGE 18
What are all so dam worried about
what are all so dam worried about
what are all so dam worried about
that you can’t f…. tell me face to
face when you see something wrong
that somehow involves me you go
around telling everyone else but
you can’t tell me yourself face to
face I always have to find out from
someone else and all want me to
tell you everything all always want
to know what I’m up to and where
I’m going you want me to say some
thing when something is bothering
me yet all can’t come face to face
just to say some b…. has been
following me so then tell me what
are all so dam worried about what
are all so dam worried about you
think you know me but you don’t
take the time to listen to the song
I’ve written or just physically talk it
out I’m supposed to know everything
tell me how that working out for
you will someone tell me what are
all so dam worried about what are
all so dam worried about you
know what I’m done with this if
you don’t want to tell me a dam
thing fine but don’t expect me to tell
you all about the hell people put me
through in fact maybe its best no one
understood who I am and what I
want to do with my life just tell me
what are all so dam worried about
what are all so dam worried about
forget it this is f…. pointless
case all just don’t give a f… about
me you always say you do but you
don’t so I’m going to ask again what
are all so dam worried about what
are all so dam worried about
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 17
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
I just want to be left alone
Right now I just want to be left
alone I want to find a place where
I could just be left alone I want to
find a place where I belong to go
somewhere where I’m accepted
just the way I am many times
I walked this place seen people
hurting while trying to fight every
battle that comes my way trying
so hard to accept people for who
they are but I must be doing some
thing wrong but now I just want to
be left alone I just want to be left
alone I went to find a place where
no one will follow me I want to be
surrounded by nothing except for
nature its self to find myself once
again I’m all cross wired with the
thoughts that Rome around in me
mind I want to go to a place where
there’s no more pain a place where
I’ll be accepted for who I am on the
inside can’t be around city life
much longer case all it does is
tear me apart and so now I just
want to be left alone I just want to
be left alone I want to go to a place
no one will follow I want to go to a
place where ill only be surrounded
by nature, somewhere where its
quite I want to find a where there is
no more pain and if that means you
gate take me out of this world I’m
right here waiting at the same time
I just want to be left alone THIS
SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE18
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIRE
HOWELL AGE18
Trapped in life
ah________________________
someone tell what’s going on where
am I supposed to go what am I?
supposed to do case it seems like
no matter what I do or where I go
no matter what happens I’m always
doing or saying something wrong
than when I don’t do anything or say
anything it’s like I was meant or
supposed to now I don’t know what
to do or say case people can’t make
up their mind and I just feel
trapped in life can’t escape I’m at a
dead end without a single place to
be left alone now I stand here
overserves everyone’s pain
and anger while pushing and
shoving all my pain and anger
down and keep it all inside I
know it’s not good for my body but
I feel trapped in life trapped in life
all I feel is darkness all around
feeling all alone no one to talk to
no one to see all the pain in the
world is what I feel right now if
not extremely close you know and
if people want to kill me whey wont
they what is it that they won’t kill
me like they want to I just put up
with it anymore now I just feel
trapped in life trapped in life
trapped in life and this letting
memories fade away to me is
bull s… case every time I try
to forget it all just want to f….
bring it right back up which is stupid
in the 1st dam place and for the
f… record if you would stop
running like all do and for once
stand still see what happens maybe
you wouldn’t be asking me when I
don’t do anything to any one at all
it’s just comment sense use it b….
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 17
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
Hell on Earth
look around what do you see you
know what I see I see hell on earth
day in and day out everyone always
fighting everyone being killed or
committing suicide, I see family’s
hurting inside families who are
out on the street and to me that’s
hell on earth hell on earth every
war every battle all for what life
is far too short to be causing pain
and anger we should all be working
together to make this world a
beautiful place and you want to sit
here and judge others by the way
we look by how we act and most of
all by our differences now tell me is
all this worth anything didn’t think
so with that said let me just clarify
this everyone is different and
everyone is special in their own
way so if I where you I would stop
casing hell on my earth hell on
earth hell on earth hell on earth
you wonder why you can never
see anyone on the inside that’s case
your far too busy judging others
or your casing some kind of
trouble that you can’t see what’s on
the inside you don’t take time to
know the person you don’t study
them you just take one look at them
there’s 90% people kill themselves
case of that but you don’t care and
for that all I can say is its hell on
earth hell on earth hell on earth
hell on earth look around you
what do you truly see the ground
splits in half and fire rises through
the ground as darkness closes in
and you’re feeling like you just can’t
escape and it seems like hell on
earth hell on earth hell on earth
just remember you brought hell into
this world and I will not put up with
this any longer I will not live in this
world as long as hell is on earth
hell is on earth THIS SONG WAS
WRITTEN BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 17 TYPED BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
I don’t know anymore
I have heard so many things about
how to deal with anger but it seems
like no matter what I do I can’t do
anything ... now I reached a point
where I don’t know any more I don’t
know any more I don’t know what to
say, do or go any more case it
seems like no matter what I do
someone somewhere always seems
to make a big deal out of where I go
what I do and who I talk to like I
can’t decide for myself as to who
I am and can’t trust but you need to
let me live my life.... I don’t know
any more I don’t know any more I
don’t know any more I see myself as
a girl covered in scars and lonely
case I’m just tired of all the crap
all put me through I have reached
a point where I wanted to give up
where life didn’t matter 2 me any
more but even now I still feel like
giving up but I won’t for those who
believe that this is what I’m meant to
do but at the same time I don’t know
any more I don’t know any more you
can ask day in and day out what’s
wrong and all I’m going to say is I
don’t know any more I don’t know
any more (guitar solo)
--------------------------------------------------------
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 17
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
Tell me what I’ve done 4 this
can someone tell me what I’ve done?
4 this tell me what I’ve done 4 this
what did I do to you for you to?
p*ss me off by thronging stuff at
me and trying 2 get me in a relation
ship and I’m tired of playing your
games so you want 2 keep going
go ahead I dare you but first tell me
what I’ve done 4 this all I want 2
know at this moment is I’ve done 4
this if its case I love singing and
writing with a passion tell me
whey is that such a big deal to you
if it’s case of a relationship someone
please kill me case I shouldn’t have
2 go through this over a
relationship no one should 4 that
matter with that said tell me what
I’ve done 4 this tell me what I’ve
done 4 this case I don’t have any
idea I’m sitting here trying 2 fogger
it out but I just can’t seem to
understand it at all so please
anyone just tell me what I’ve
done 4 this tell me what I’ve done
4 this did I ever through anything
at you.... did I hurt you so deeply?
like I have been 4 years tell me
what it is tell me what I’ve done 4
this tell me why I have 2 give
my number 2 you tell me whey its
such a big deal to be in a
relationship tell me what I’ve done
4 this tell me what I’ve done 4 this
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE
17 TYPED BY NATLIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
My time in Dallas
My time in Dallas My time in
Dallas is the worst place to
spend my time the 4th day I
moved here a boy who doesn’t know
me through a bike at me and
thought it was funny 10 minuets
later 2 boys came and said " ugly
white b…." I ran after them and
they left the apartments me in
Dallas my time in Dallas my time in
Dallas gets worse I enrolled to a
school that doesn’t have choir and
that killed me instantly inside now
I cry myself 2 sleep and every day
try so hard to hold it all inside but
than you have people that don’t
know when to shut up and leave
me alone people who hasn’t gotten
the message yet I don’t know what
to tell you case my time in Dallas
is unbelievable in fact the whole
Dallas system is stupid and I don’t
want 2 be a part of it I try to make
things work but that’s just not
going to happen like this my time
in Dallas my time in Dallas my time
in Dallas is messed up in so many
ways on so many levels that it
should be destroyed and made into
a statue and until that happens I
don’t have a lot to say except my time
in Dallas my time in Dallas my time
in Dallas is far too impossible and
feels like it’s never going to end
my time in Dallas THIS SONG
WAS WRITTEN BY NATALIE
MARIE HOWELL AGE 17 TYPED
BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELL
AGE 18
Love & Forgiveness
the two things I need help with
every day trying so hard yet still
feel un wanted & wanted at the
same time love & forgiveness the 2
things everyone should have yet
where all so caught up in this
world it’s time to open your eyes
and look at what’s going on around
you are this how you want to live
filled with anger & hate looking for
any reason to start another war
and for what do you get out
of this don’t you ever wonder what
it would be like to be filled with
love & forgiveness love &
forgiveness love & forgiveness
just think of what the world would
be like if we all just put aside us
differences and instead of hating
each other go the other way be
filled with love & forgiveness
people wouldn’t be murdered
people would work together for
once in a life time if only we where
all just filled with love &
forgiveness love & forgiveness
even when things get hard and
you feel like you fall into darkness
just get back up and look at what
you have in your life together we
will defeat the darkness and pain
that’s inside us when where filled
with love & forgiveness love &
forgiveness THIS SONG WAS
WRITTEN BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 17 TYPED BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
You can't take music away from me
music is a part of me you take that
away and I’ll be lost for good
singing is my world there’s no
point on breaking it or trying 2
case you can't take music away from
me you can't take music away from
me you can't take music away from
me and still expect me to be ok and
I think I speak for all who are just
like me when it comes from the fact
that they have a passion for music
like me and wouldn't give it up for
the world you can't take music away
from me you can't take music away
from me no matter what you do or
what you say music is always apart
of me it’s what makes me who I am
without music I’m nothing and so
if you don’t understand by now
whey I sing all the time whey I love
to write you can't take music away
from me you can't take music from
me it wouldn't matter how much
money you gave me it wouldn't
matter what you said or did you
may take my home and still wouldn't
give up music for this world you
can't take music away from me you
can't take music away from me even
if it killed you even if it gone
through war you can't take music
away from me you can't take music
away from me THIS SONG WAS
WRITTEN BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 17 TYPED BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
Whey can't people just accept people 4 who they are
whey can't people just accept
people 4 who they are everyone
is different and that’s just the way
it’s going to be there’s nothing we
can do to change so why not use
are differences to help each other
instead of making others feel like
they don’t belong in the world all
this fighting all these wars what
good comes out of it and think bout
it so than can anyone tell me whey
can't people just accept people for
who they are whey can't people just
accept people for who they are look
around you can you not see what’s
going on around every day people
are hurting case they feel like they
don’t belong in this world like there’s
nothing we can do in this life time
so we try so hard we do everything
we can to fit in this world yet we
still fill like life is pointless and all
I want to know is why can't people
just accept for who they are whey
can't people just accept people for
who they are life is too short to be
looking on the outside of a person
but to look on the inside of a person
that’s what really matters with that
said whey can't people just accept
people for who they are whey can't
people just accept people for who
they are whey can't people just
accept people for who they are
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE
15 TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE18
I wish there was something I could do to take
Your place
you know I was extremely worried
that I would not get to say good
bye and the two days that I might
have seen you for the last time
there was so much I wanted to
tell you and I just couldn't find
my voice all I could do when I saw
you knowing you don’t have much
time is what your feeling thinking
just seeing you makes me wish I
could just stay right there by your
side not leaving you at any moment
for any reason at all its hard to not
think of what will happen when
your gone where will we all be in
life would we be the same or would
we change now you’re the only one
on my mind and I wish there was
something I could do to take your
place if there was a way I know
you’d be in a better place but
losing someone you love is never
easy getting over and the pain just
shatters you inside and out not
knowing what to do where to go or
what to say I just wish there was
something I could do to take your
place I wish there was something
I could do to take your place we
try to stay strong we try to be as
happy as we can for you but when
I look into your eyes I melt down
inside but I hold it in back in Dallas
then I just let it flow on out of me
if I could just say one thing it would
be I wish there was something I
could do to take your place I wish
there was something I could do to
take your place knowing what I
know now this may be the last time
I can say this I love you and miss
you every day THIS SONG WAS
WRITTEN BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 17 TYPED BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
Just wish u where by my side
I will still become a singer and a
song writer case I know you
wouldn't want me to just give up on
it just wishes you were by my side to
see what I accomplished in life to see
the woman I became in this world
I’d give anything to see your one
more time before you were gone
to a better place I won't ever for
get you and if I had any wish that
would come true my only wish is
that just wish you were by my side
just wish you were by my side wish
I could’ve seen you more than what
I did and if I had the option if
people would let me I would walk
all the way down there just to see
see though I’ll miss you deeply I
still keep going forward just wish
you were by my side what will
I do when your gone where will
I be when your gone I honestly don’t
know only time will tell all I can say
right now is that I just wish you
where by my side just wish you?
where by side just wish you where
by my side though times seem hard
and I now all I can say is I just wish
you were by my side THIS SONG
WAS WRITTEN BY NATALIE
MARIE HOWELL AGE 17
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
I will walk 2 your grave
every day since I found out your
time has come to leave this world
I try to look at the bright side
knowing you’ll be in a better place a
place where there’s no pain what’s so
ever I try so hard to not cry my self
to sleep but not knowing how much
longer you have knowing I might
not get the chance to see u one
last time just to say good bye for
the last time it is the main reason
whey I just can't help but break
down and cry no matter where I am
it’s bad enough I couldn't come see
you regular like I wanted to but
now that your time has come
to an end what will happen to me
where would I be in life case I
don’t know trying not to miss you
so much makes things worse and
if I have to I will walk to your
grave just to see you I will walk to
your grave weather I walk in heals
or I walk barefoot I will walk to
your grave just to see you one last
time if I could I would take your
place in a heartbeat but believe
me when I say I will walk to your
grave and that’s a blood promise
I’m not asking for anyone’s
permission I’m saying I will walk to
your grave I will walk to your
grave even if it means I have to
fight people who stand in my way
I will walk to your grave I will
walk to your grave bare foot or
in heals I will walk to your grave
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 17
NATALIE MARIE HOWELLAGE 18
3 times I tried but couldn't I got to the point
Where I wanted to but I just can't
3 times I tried but couldn't I got to
the point where I wanted 2 but I
just can't 3 times I tried but couldn't
I got to the point where I wanted to
but I just can't for those who don’t
know what I mean and for those
who want 2 know I mean 3 times I
I tried to kill myself I got to the
point where I wanted to but I
just can't all these scars you see the
person you see in me where do you
think it came from every day some
one somewhere says I need to be
relaxed but with all this pain
built up inside me that just
can't happen that 3 times I tried
but couldn't I have got to the point where
I wanted 2 but I just got to the point
where I wanted to but I just can't 3
times I tried to kill myself you
have no idea what I feel inside
and if I told you wouldn't believe
it I don’t sleep anymore case of
depressed memories 3 times I
tried but couldn't I got 2 the point
where I wanted 2 but I just can't
3 times I tried but couldn't I got
to the point where wanted to but I
just can't 3 times I tried but couldn't
I got to the point where I wanted to
but I just can't 3 times I tried but
couldn't I have got to the point where
I wanted to but I just can't 3 times
I tried to kill myself THIS SONG
WAS WRITTEN BY NATALIE
MARIE HOWELL AGE 16 TYPED
BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELL
AGE 18
You don’t know the pain I’m in
you don’t know the pain I’m in you
don’t know the pain I’m in I losses
my God child never found out if
it was a boy or a girl now I’m
dealing with the fact that my 5
closest friends are tearing apart
all 5 of them yelling arguing hate
and fear in their eyes with the
feeling of having to choose who
you want to stay friends with and
who you want to let go fills the air
you don’t know the pain I’m in you
don’t know the pain I’m in you don’t
know the pain I’m in I’m being
trapped that no matter what you
do you’ll never let it go never let it?
go we all used to be so close we
where all like brothers and sisters
and now your drifting apart and its
like what do I do what do I say I’m at
a dead end the world just grew dark
and cold all the bloodiness fills the
bottom of the earth and on top of it
all I still have depressed memories
you don’t know the pain I’m in you
don’t know the pain I’m in you don’t
know you don’t you don’t know the
pain I’m in to watch your 5 closet
friends who was there when you
needed them there just falling
apart and I have to watch it you
don’t know the pain I’m in you
don’t know the pain I’m in
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE
16 TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
I’m your worst nightmare
you hard so much about me all of
which is true I have an anger
problem and I’m ready to lash out
try me if you want to go ahead let
me find out what you been saying
and doing to my sister and the min
we come face to face it’s going to be
me and you and it’s going to be one
big blood bath in less than a min
try me if you so dare case I’m your
worst nightmare I’m your worst
nightmare I’m your worst nightmare
when you first see me I’m not going
to say a word, I’m just going to turn
dark red and fire will be coming
out of my eyes and out of no where
I’ll start looking like bloody Mary
at that point there is no holding
me back I will lash out don’t believe
me fine but I’m letting you know right
now I’m your worst nightmare I’m
your worst nightmare if you’re not
afraid and you don’t think I’m going to
do sh*t for messing with my sister
wait till I get down there say it to
my face watch what happens see I’m
your worst nightmare I’m your worst
nightmare I’m your worst nightmare
I can already see it happing and
what you don’t realize is I started
16,000 blood baths through me
body I’m far ready to start a blood
bath with you try me if you dare
I’m your worst nightmare I’m your
worst nightmare I’m your worst
nightmare THIS SONG WAS
WRITTEN BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE17 TYPED BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
Shut up and listen 4 once
shut up and listen 4 once shut up
and listen 4 on shut up and listen
4 once all keep telling my story
in the way you want to create me
story all twist my words around
and leave me feeling worthless
and unwanted I try to tell you day
in and day out exactly what’s on me
mind and what I feel inside but the
problem is all don’t want to f….
listen instead you rather cut me off
than ask me again so now your
going to shut up and listen shut up and
listen you can’t just figure someone
out by watching their every move
you have to use your voice and
come talk to me if you really
desperate for answers about me
life than instead of cutting me off
than just shut up and listen to me
I wrote it out 90 times already I’m
writing a book on my life inside
and out and if by then you still have
no idea what I’m here for than you’ll
never fig me out at all instead of
going around twisting my words
around and having someone calling
the police for being worried instead
of having the common sense to tell
me what’s going on face to face just
for 5 minions shut up and listen
shut up and listen shut up and listen
you want to know what’s on my mind
and what I feel inside than don’t tell
me who I am and what I do instead
let me tell you who I am what I do
and when I do it let me be the one to
tell you my life story so for once in
a life time shut up and listen shut up
and listen THIS SONG WAS
WRITTEN BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 17 TYPED BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
Set me on fire
set me on fire set me on fire tell me
why did you think it was ok to set?
me on fire tell me what I’ve done
to be treated so badly what I have
done for you to hate me so much
what went through your mind to?
set me on set me on fire and its not
the 1st time you set me on fire this
is the 2nd time and will be the last
time you’ll ever set me on fire set me
on fire set me on fire do you realize
that everyday because of the pain
you cased me and with all the
other pain I hold inside for so
long that I reached a point where
nothing matters to me anymore all
my hop has burned out so go ahead
set me on fire set me on fire set me
on fire I want to be filled with hop,
happiness and full of dreams again
but you’re just going to make me feel
like I don’t belong in this world
any more than what’s the point
you drive me to the point where
I try to kill myself than you talk me
out of it case you realized I reached
a point where I just don’t care than
you set me on fire set me on fire
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 16
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
Break out of the darkness
I have been reliving dark painful
memory I held inside for so long
day in and day out I still blame
myself for everything that goes
wrong in my life but now looking
back at its time that I break out
of the darkness break out of the
darkness case this is not me
anymore I been changed inside
and out I don’t have so much anger
in me anymore I’m done playing
everyone’s sick twisted hurtful
games when I never had to be apart
of it to begin with so I’m going to
break out of the darkness break out
of the darkness I look around this
world and see so much more than
a normal human eye can see I
feel the world for what it truly is all
this recharge here can be and will be
put to its end weather by our selves
or when Jesus comes back to take
us all home with him but I will not
wait another day to turn my life
. around when I could just break out
of the darkness break out of the
darkness I’m breaking out of this
dark cold world to come home
where I belong a place where
I won’t be in pain some where
where I’ll be actually happy inside
and out without having to pretend
I’m ok when I’m not you maybe in a
situation where you feel like you
fell into a deep black hole that
you just can’t seem to get out of
take my hand and we'll break out
of the darkness break out of the
darkness THIS SONG WAS
WRITTEN BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 17 TYPED BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
Bite my arm again and ill bite your face till
blood comes pouring out
Don’t say anything just listen just
because I won’t have sex with you
or I won’t go out with you or even
give you $25,000 doesn’t give you
the right to bite my arm 1st off I
don’t even have that money and
to expect me to have it with in a 3
week b… you’re out of your
f…. mind 2ndly you’re in telemetry
school I’m in middle school so don’t
sit there and tell me you’re a year
younger than me case damint I
don’t by that for a minute and your
way too young for someone like me
to be doing what your doing so I’m
going to put it this way bite my arm
again and ill bite your face till
blood comes pouring out bite
my arm again and ill bite your
face till blood comes pouring
out bite my arm again and
ill bite your face till blood comes
pouring out try me if you want to
case I’m ready to lash out and
start a blood bath at any f…
mining so go ahead bite my arm
and see if you don’t go flying into
a brick walls now bite my arm again
and ill bite your face till blood
comes pouring out bite my arm
again and ill bite your face till
blood comes pouring out just go
ahead I’m standing right here
so bite my arm again and ill bite
your face till blood comes pouring
out THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 16
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
I don’t want 2 walk out on them like all me
friends did to me
I don’t want 2 walk out on them like
all my friends did to me I don’t want
2 walk out on them like all me
friends did to me case I know how
that feels and I know what that dose
case I live in it scares you deeply
and causes depressed memories of
which you live in with no escape
and I don’t want 2 walk out on them
like all my friends did to me I don’t
want 2 walk out on them like all
friends did to me I now do you
know what it’s like to watch your
friends walk out on you including
the one you had a fight with and
wanted to talk things out before it
was too late but you just missed
them and now they’re gone and you’ll
never see here again I don’t want 2
walk out on them like all my friends
did to me I don’t want 2 walk out on
them like all my friends did to me
case I know how much it hurts I
been through it and till this day
it hurts I been through it and till
this day I still cry myself to sleep
or I don’t sleep or I do sleep but
I wake up in a bad mood feeling
like crap and I don’t want 2 walk
out on them like all my friends did
to me I don’t want 2 walk out on
them like all my friends did to me
I don’t want 2 walk out on them
like all my friends did to me THIS
SONG WAS WRITTEN BY NATALIE
MARIE HOWELL AGE 16 TYPED
BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELL
AGE 18
just listen to me 4 once
Some of you tell me I have a voice
and it needs to be herd some of you
have herd me but didn’t listen so
every day you ask me if I’m ok, do
I have a boyfriend, do I want a
boyfriend, why do I not want a
relationship, are you a boy or a girl
like you really can’t tell but you
always find a way to twist me
story into your own them you
wonder why you can’t hear me
voice just listen to me 4 once
just listen to me 4 once and don’t
cut me off case this is the last time
I’m going to say this I don’t want a
relationship with anyone in this
world for many reasons 1 people
through stuff at me 2 they always
play he said/she said 3 they take off
running from me when I turn
around they really haven’t grown up
many times it is said that people
are mean because of what’s going on
around them or what they been
through not saying that’s a reason to
take it out on people who hasn’t
done anything to you just listen
to me 4 once just listen to me 4 once
case I will not say this again I don’t
hate people I hate the fact that they
feel like they got to be mean to feel
happy about themselves you
wonder why I care so much
what people think, feel & say its
case no one else here on earth
dose and that’s sad don’t sit there
and tell me people care case if you
did you would know whose hurting
inside and who’s not tell me is
going into war over land worth it is
it worth killing people and tearing
family’s apart whatever happened to
treating others, the way you
wanted to be treated or in order to
love someone else you must first
love yourself you know I was just
thinking if all we do is fight over
everything how can we trust each
other everyone’s so caught up in
money case it gives them a home
and a way to live life but really
we all should just let go of
everything doesn’t matter what
it is just let everything go for
those who still think I don’t use
my voice than just listens to me 4
once just listen 4 once case I will
not say it again I hold everything
inside case I can’t let it go
everything I hold inside I can’t
let it out case the very second it
comes out of me you will be beyond
worried about me fib and the
government will both be after me
and I will be gone no longer in
this world so if you really want
to hear my voice and think my voice
is worth hearing than for once in a
life time just listen to me for once
just listen to me for once with out
cutting me off its up to you if you
hear my voice or not THIS SONG
WAS WRITTEN BY NATALIE
MARIE HOWELL AGE 18 TYPED
BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELL
AGE 18
Do I have a voice?
Do I have a voice case it doesn’t?
seem like it after all the times you
cut me off is my voice worth listing
to many times I just can’t figure it
out I know you’ve told me I have a
voice and it needs to be hired but
why should I open my voice when?
it just gets cut off you ask me if I’m
ok you ask me what’s on my mind
what I feel and you ask me what I’m
think about this school and some
how it just doesn’t matter to you
case you either cut me off or you’ll
listen but not care or you’ll listen yet
talk/laugh too other people then
you ask me again till it becomes a
daily question it seems to me no
matter what I tell you just
don’t understand it so do I have a
voice do I have a voice at all
many times you complain is
too loud or too quite so when I
don’t say a word or sing a song you
ask me what’s wrong and when I tell
you it’s pointless to answer case you
just walk off without listing its one
thing to not tell me anything case
apparently I’m not meant to know what’s
going on but to cut me off as well I
just can’t do it I can’t use my voice
anymore someone tell me do I have
a voice can I say what I feel or do I
have to hold it in like I’ve done 18
years every day I can hear people
say they can’t hear me, I’m too loud
shut up and so much more till this
day it still goes on sometimes I
wonder do I have a voice do I
have a voice tell me now case?
I’ll be more than happy to just
keep everything inside THIS SONG
WAS WRITTEN BY NATALIE
MARIE HOWELL AGE 18 TYPED
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
Just leave
I can’t tell you to get out of my life
case you’ll always be my brother
but I can’t be around you anymore
if all your going to do is make me
feel like I can’t do anything right
or reach your expectations I have
a life to point out everything I’ve
done wrong and I regret everything
I’ve done & said that I shouldn’t have
said or done I don’t need you to
make me feel crap all the time
I’m sorry if you don’t like the way
my computer is being treated but
you have a $800.00 computer that
you and our dad built together you
know what I can’t live with you any
more case no matter what I do when
your around I’m always doing some
thing wrong and now I just want to
be left alone for a while or can I
not do that either I know I told you
your dead to me and for a while
you will be case I don’t know what
else to do you say these kids are
the ratty old kids but the only ones
who hurt me deep inside and make
everything that goes wrong between
you and me is my felt may
everything that goes wrong at all
but I’m tired of feeling like I can’t
do anything right so go ahead take
the computer back but don’t ever
wait on me for anything again case
I don’t want to see you for a while
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE
18 TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
Brain Damage
I was just 2 months old when I had
brain damage and only died for 2
hours but when I came back I was
sick almost every day had trouble
breathing had surgery and recovered
sure I have a learning disability but
that’s not about to get in my way you
think I’m disabled let me explain
something to you as long as I am
alive I will always go after what I
dream one day I will be a singer &
song writer one day I will help
people get off the streets and feed
families who can’t eat every day just
case I had brain damage at 2 months
old you don’t think I can get a job
and keep it tell me how sad is
that and you wonder why I don’t
like people very much course this
isn’t the only reason but I never
came on its only brain damage its
not as bad as you think oh wait do
you just not think at all and if you
do think what is it you think about
certainly not well if she set here
mind and heart to something she
might be able to do more than
what we could ever imagine like I
said its only brain damage brain
damage bus rain damage so what’s
the big deal I can steel see, hear, etc,
I just can’t learn like others is that
really a problem case if it is than
your impossible case I’m not like
the world and don’t want to be
I can’t wait to leave this world
and not come back all the pain and
scars just keep building maybe its
case I let people walk all over me
maybe case I’m tired of seeing &
hearing people dying case we can’t
get along instead we have to fight
and go into war to fight for land,
food and equipment that where not
going to keep when this world comes
to an end or when one by one we all
start dying you think your helping
people but what you’re really doing
is tearing family’s apart and killing
innocent people and it still goes on
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE
14 TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
What is wrong with all of you
I lately have absolutely no idea
where to begin at this point and
time the way this school works
is disappointing really you say we
need certain classes to graduate all
said we needed speech to graduate
but what I don’t understand is how
the hell could you sit here and tell
us what classes we f…. need to
get the hell out of this dam school
you can't even talk to each other
about who dose what tell me who
the hell is in charge of sinning case
mangers and to tell me about it
whose job is it to tell me anything
that has to do anything with me
or are all so dam f… scared
you don’t have the dam common
sense to step up to me face to face
and tell me your dam selves with all
you what is wrong with all of you
all this talk about how you want us to
pass and graduate it’s all bulls… its
nothing but crap but you don’t give
a dam does you you’ll never actually
listen you have no command sense to
keep everyone informed with
anything but what I find so
devastating is the fact that all have
the school behind all care so much
bout the money their f… blind
to realize the schools dam systems is
f… stupid look around who the
hell do you think you’re dealing with
think about it if nothing else think
about who can stand up and answer
me what is wrong with you what is
wrong with you what is wrong
please tell me take the time to
open up your eyes and you see this
isn’t working all are just in there
for the money you’re telling us you
care but what you really want is the
money tell me face to face that’s not
true I dare you in fact I triple dog
dare you to come tell me face to
face and tell me it’s not about the
money you can't can you and that’s
sad we shouldn't be worried bout
money as long as we all can work
together and help each other out
but all are so dam into the f…
compaction all don’t give a f…
what’s wrong with you what’s wrong
with you everyone is different deal
with it no one is not meant to be the
same everyone is special in there
own way yet all try so f…
hard to be the same and for what
whey tries to be someone your not
let me tell you everyone has a
dream however not everyone works
hard to make it come true and for
that reason all do what you’re doing
now its radicalize and sad what’s
wrong with you what’s wrong with you
what’s wrong with you THIS SONG
WAS WRITTEN BY NATALIE
MARIE HOWELL AGE 17
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE18
Opening up 2 people
as much as I want 2 open up 2
people I just can't do it not after
the hell you put me through and
when you ask me if I’m ok when you
see me looking like something is
bothering me but don’t talk
about it just hold it all inside you
know I’m not opening up 2 people
opening up 2 people opening up
2 people is like telling people you
know can't be trusted yet you tell
them everything before you know
it everyone knows whey your
hurting inside and instead of
helping you through it they
make it worse by telling you
can't be mad at anyone for anything
its extremely hard and I don’t think
I can just come out of nowhere and
start opening up 2 people opening
up 2 people opening up 2 people I’m
still broken inside and trying to
hide it just makes it go deeper
I don’t sleep much anymore wishing
it would all end yet it repeats now
tell me if you been through every
thing I been though is opening
up 2 people really an option at this
point not really an option for me
in fact, it’s just another obstacle
in life that make things so much
harder so opening up 2 people
opening up 2 people is like
opening yourself to danger and
pain is that really something you
really want to do I don’t know about
you but I have enough to deal with
as it is now I’m going to have to work
on opening up 2 people opening up
2 people is extremely hard to do
when people don’t or won't listen
to your life long story so what
do you do are you really thinking
about opening up 2 people opening
up 2 people I am but who will I
open up 2 THIS SONG WAS
WRITTEN BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 17 TYPED BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE
18
I have no heart
why is it so important to be in a?
relationship don’t tell me it’s not
impotent case all seem to
believe that it is and just because I
don’t want to go out with you doesn’t
mean I have no heart I have no
heart I have no heart why is it
such a big deal to be in a
relationship I mean people
say it’s not a big deal but they act
like it’s the world’s biggest situation
and if I don’t go out with you than
I have no heart I have no heart I
have no heart well you know what
I’m tired of people telling me what
I can/can't do where I can/can't be
like I can't think for myself and
people saying one thing but
doing the total opiate which is
whey I don’t trust anyone anymore
and to say I have no heart I have
no heart I have no heart I know
just because I’m not like everyone
else and I don’t want a relationship
dose that really mean I have no
heart so your telling me that
because I hate boys so much
that I don’t want to go out with
anyone that means I have no
heart I have no heart I have
no heart I have no heart
that’s un believable and I
can't believe that case I
won't go out with anyone
I have no heart THIS SONG
WAS WRITTEN BY NATALIE
MARIE HOWELL AGE 16
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
It’s just an ongoing game
it’s just an ongoing game it’s just an on
going game boys always pointing
fingers saying who said or did what
girls always nagging me about
relationships but most of all every
one always playing he said/she
said and you know what I’m tired of
it if you want me to believe
something you better have it
recorded otherwise shut the hell
up case it’s just an ongoing game
and I really don’t see how
toughing something at someone
could be funny much less tell a
person they should kill them selves
that they don’t have a reason to live
than there’s the name calling you
doing that it’s something you just
wanted to say but I know your
hurting inside and even so it
still doesn’t give you a right to
hurt someone else just to feel good
bout yourself in fact tell me this do
you honestly feel good about your
.
self by hurting other people or is
it just an ongoing game it’s just an on
going game, it’s just an ongoing game
that just can't seem to end when will
you wake up and realize what’s
going on around you when will
your body wake up and say ok this
needs to change when will you
open up your eyes and see that
all your doing is casing more pain
come on look around and you think
it’s all just a game playing with
people’s lives like it’s not a big deal
but when there gone and not came
back that’s when you freak out and
worry and blame other people for
it it’s sad but like I said you just
think that it’s just an ongoing game
it’s just an ongoing game
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE
17 TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
Another year at hell in hell
another year at hell in hell
another yea at hell in hell
everyone who knows me knows
singing/weighting is all I ever
wanted to do in life it’s the only
thing I wanted to be in life always
want to help people get off the
streets but now I go to a school
where there’s no choir I live in a
place where people call me a b…
and through rocks play he said/she
said always pointing fingers at each
other denying what they said and
just taking off running when they
know I’m p*ssed always telling me
there not scared but the second they
say or do anything to me they take
off running its stupid and then you
you have north Dallas high school
I want to make that school work but
I just can't their system and how
they run things is messed up every
day I go to that school pretending
everything is ok when I just want to
break everything in the school
music is all I am now it’s been
ripped out of me and I have no
idea what to do except to tell you
its another year at hell in hell
another year at hell in hell
another year at hell in hell is
what it is with no way out no sign
of change coming for the better
I just can't take it anymore I’m tired
of holding everything in yet I can't
let it out either so than it is and
always will be another year at hell
in hell another year at hell in hell
wish I could leave yet I can't feeling
trapped reaching a dead end and
all I want to do is sing and write
another year at hell in hell
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 17
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
There is no life without music
there is no life without music no
story to tell bout who feels what
and what someone is truly thinking
feeling and going through everything
just shuts itself down with no energy
inside at all only feeling worthless
and unhappiness there is no life with
out music there is no life with out
music clearly I just don’t see a reason
to grebe on to life anymore all I ever
done was hold everything in I always
held back from what I really wanted
to do case I thought being in choir
would get me relived about
everything I have to put up with and
now case there is no choir to go to
there is life without music there is no
life without music so than whey am I
here am I just a target for people to
through something at me someone to
be called a b*tch for what ever
reason come on think about it you
know what they should it matter
whey should anything about me
matter maybe everyone should just
forget about me forget I ever
existed for get everything about me
case as I stand here I just can't keep
pretending anymore there is no life
without music there is no life with
out music with that being said I just
can't stay in Dallas anymore case I
can't make this work every time I do I
end up walking through fire and get
burned inside and out I have
thousands of explosions day in and
day out I just can't put up with it
anymore when there is no life with
out music there is no life with out
music THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN
BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE
17 TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
Watch me if u dare
what’s wrong with you all of you
always got something to say but
can never tell me face to face
then I find out someone’s been
watching me and you know about it
so than tell why the hell didn’t
you point them out and tell me they
where watching me you know I’m not
afraid to start a blood bath with
anyone and you say my friends
that you’re just looking out for me
that’s bulls… right their case if you
really cared about me you wouldn't
go behind my back and tell others
that someone is watching me and for
those who are watching me I’m going to
give you a reason to watch me when
I turn dark red and tensed fire
crosses my eyes and steam comes out
of my ears now if you really want to
watch me I suggest you stand steel
case I’m bout to lash out if you got
something to say come say it to me
face otherwise don’t say anything
at all you want me to take care of
self-fen but what I need from you is
a gun, a knife, a sword, a bomb and
for someone to get ready to call the
fib and the military case now I’m
lashing out anyone who gets in the
way I had enough from a school that’s
setting me up for failed I had enough
from people who can't seem to tell me
anything just case of my anger
problem and those who really want
see my anger now you can see it case
at this point I’m nothing but anger
try me if you want to oh and the little
nice sweet good girl filled with hope
and dreams is gone for good now
case I had enough I don’t trust anyone
anymore the only people I trust is me
family blood and non-blood they are
the only ones I trust in this life if
you’re not part of my family good
luck trying to gain my trust again
case now it’s impossible to regain
in specially with all the lies that
just added up all the time and you
wonder if I’m ok I live in a pain
what does that tell you?
always tell me its ok don’t worry
about it don’t let it get to you let
me ask you how that working
for you oh by the way don’t be
surprised if I go back to cutting
myself again case that’s exactly
what I’m going to do in less than 24
hours just case I can't keep all this
pain built up inside weather you
let me or not it’s all coming out
rushing out of me right before your
eyes and when it’s all out you still
won't understand it at all now watch
me if you want to watch me if you so
dare to case the minuet I find you
your dead in a heartbeat you think
you see pain your bout to see hell
case now all hells going to break
loose watch me if you want to watch
me if you dare THIS SONG WAS
WRITTEN BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 17 TYPED BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
Take a look at me now
14 months ago when I was still at may
field park apartments I was in 8th
grade at the time and you where
about to move you wanted something
of which I could not give you case I
didn’t have anything for you
held on to my arm and you pleaded
for me to go back in the house and
cheek again I finally started to walk
away and you held on to my arm
again you wanted me to go back
in the house and cheek again then
you fell and scraped your back and
started yelling at me like it’s my felt
as we headed through the ditch wasn't
long when we were heading for the
bridge around the comer before you
said I wasn't a good friend that I
didn’t care about anyone else but me
self I ignored it and kept going you
kept nagging me I just had to turn
around and yell what the hell do you
want do your remember what you said
you said you wanted me to suffer
the way you did you felt so violated
than we kept walking you started
pushing me now we reach the
bridge on the other side where you
said you think your life is so perfect
well it’s not and you need to stop
saying that it is case it’s not well
you can keep pretending your life
is perfect while I live my non
perfect life case at least I can say me
life isn’t perfect I just couldn't believe
what you just said that I turned around
and said b… I don’t know where you
got the idea of my life being perfect
case you sure as hell didn’t get it
from me in fact you have no idea how
losses or how I feel inside my life is
far from perfect than you told me you
I wish you would regret this day that
you will not sleep case of this day
and I was frozen solid I didn’t know
what to say or do I felt my heart stop
I couldn't breathe I couldn't move I
blacked out while my legs where
frozen solid than I was looking for
you I was too late you were already
gone and your wish came true I
haven't slept since and I stopped eating
from time to time case of your wish
and now I just want you to look at
me now take a look at me take a look
at me take a look at me I’m so much
worse now than what I was 14 months
ago I cry myself to sleep almost
every night case I want to tell you
how I feel inside just take a look at
me now take a look at me now take a
look at me now what do you see now
I can't even look at myself with out
feeling sick than everyone else makes
me feel like I don’t belong in this
world so I try to kill myself but
than they all freak out and end up
talking me out of it and I can't do
this anymore you and everyone
else they know who they are but you
keep p*ssing me off and I can't get
mad case I’m not allowed to be mad
at anyone for anything I wish you
could take a look at me now take a
look at me now take a look at me now
and tell me is this what you wanted
never mind don’t answer that one day
it was a day if I ember correctly I
was thinking of you and what we went
through I tried to hold back the
tears in my eyes but I ended up
having 6 melt downs before the school
day was over and that night my eyes
flooded with tears I was crying for
about 2 hours straight all case I know
I will most likely never be able to
talk things out with you or if you
would even let me if I did happen to
run into you take a look at me now
take a look at me now THIS SONG
WAS WRITTEN BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 16 TYPED BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
Times running out
you ever feel like you have no
purpose in life have you just
don’t feel anything at all anymore
I’m having that feeling right now but
I also feel times running out times
running out and I don’t know if
there’s something I’m supposed to do
somewhere to go or what to say all
I know is times running out and
something devastating is about to
happen feeling like there’s nothing
I can do now there’s dead silence
in my mind yet my body is over
tensed and over worn out can't
even keep my head up anymore
now times just running out times
running out times running out
times running out and clearly
I can't seem to put this puzzle to
gather every time I try my head
starts pounding and I just don’t
feel like myself anymore just seems
like times running out something
devastating is about to happen
and I don’t know what it is all I know
is times running out times running
out times running out I look around
see people hurting every where
family’s not eating all the time
and I just can't keep this up
can't keep pretending I’m ok when I’m
not while I’m trying to put this puzzle
of life together I can feel time
running out and now times running
out times running out for so long I
been holding in anger and till this
day I steal hold it all inside just can't
hold it in anymore now that times
running out times running out
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 17
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
Purpose of life
the number one question people all
around the world wants to know
is the purpose of life purpose?
of life some people say it’s to be
born live and die others say its
to learn about the love of God
and what he has done for us the
purpose of life is to know who
God is and accept his son Jesus
as our friend, savior, king of kings
and Lord of Lord's and to love and
praise him day in and day out we
are to find people who don’t know
God and share what he has done
for all of mankind to find those
who don’t know if he exists or not and
help guide them in the right direction
so than I ask you what is the
purpose of life purpose of life
purpose of life is to give our lives
away so that we can have ever lasting
life with our Heavenly Father and his
Son that’s the true purpose of life
purpose of life purpose of life
purpose of life I believe if we work
together put aside our differences
if we learn to get along we could
all be together for life and for eternity
but it starts with you what do you say
do you really want to live the?
purpose of life purpose of life
propose of life some of you are
still thinking about it right now
and that’s ok take your time whey
rush when it’s never too late to
change and re write history
to make the world a better place
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE
17 TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
Not easy 2 love people who hates you
It’s not easy 2 love people who hates
you not easy 2 love people who hate
you all the time making you feel like
you don’t belong telling you
don’t have a reason to live it gets
you wondering than you go into
deep thought and you just can't stop
asking yourself what did I do what
did I say for you to hate me so?
driving my self insane trying to
figure it all out and that’s when I
felt the cold wind and get so tensed
case I don’t know what to do and I
wonder how did you leave everyone
including the people who betrayed
you the people who wanted you to
die even though you’ve done nothing
for it all I can say is it’s not easy 2
love people who hates you’re not
easy 2 love people who hates you for
whatever reason feeling all alone
saying nothing but darkness every
thing closing in your heart starts
pounding than it hits me loving
people is not going to be easy
there going to fight me every time I
steel chose to love people just like
you loved me and people like me
I don’t want anger inside me anymore
I don’t want to be stressed out and
worn out but________________
not easy 2 love people who
hates you not easy 2 love people
who hates you not easy 2 love
people who hates you
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 17
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
Life after death
have you always wondered what life?
would be like after death or even if
there is a life after death I do all
the time I just can't help but wonder
what will happen when I’m gone
would people kill them selves
case of my death or would
there be a battle between
the people who cared/loved
me against the people who hated
me and wanted me dead just
makes you wonder about life
after death life after death
could be a good thing and a
bad thing it depends on what you
decided to do with your life here
in this world what you do where you
go it all depends on you feeling like
everything is falling apart and
darkness is the thing around life
after death can and will be
devastating to start with case
you’ll miss seeing those who cared
for you and loved you no matter what
you did but the min you accept the
fact that there not gone but than one
day you’ll all be together again even
if we die in this world there will be
a life after death life after death
ham____________________________
tell me do you ever wonder what it
would be like to live even though
your died
to have a life after death what would
you do if you had a life after death
life after death where would you go
what would you do if you had a life
after death THIS SONG WAS
WRITTEN BY NATALIE
MARIE HOWELL AGE17
TYPED BY NATALIE
MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
I won't ever let you go
I understand it’s your time to go home
with the Lord I’ll miss you daily we all
will I know it will be hard but I won’t?
ever let you go I won't ever let you go
day in and day out ill think of you
always to keep moving forward in
life just seems impossible right now
but even if it is ill still keep walking
and go after what I want to do in life
I just wish you was here with me to
see what I became when I’m fully
grown and where I’m at in life and
if your remember anything at all please
remember that I won't ever let you go I
won't ever let you go no matter what
lies ahead no matter what people
say or do ill still think of you when
ever I can I will visit you even when
you’re in a better place go no matter
what the weather is or what kind of
day I’m having there will be days
when I just can't stop crying at night
case I miss you bad enough we don’t
come see you very much and I wish
we could but now your time has come
to an end and I don’t know if I’ll be ok
or not I really just don’t know but I
do know for fact that I won't ever let
you go I won't ever let you go I look
around and all I can think about
are the times we had together it’ll be
rough but I’ll find a way to keep going
to keep living life till this world
comes to its end I’ll keep walking ill
keep singing/writing when I get me
own car ill visits you daily no matter
what my schedule is no matter what’s
around me ill make time to visit you
daily case I won't ever let you go
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 17
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
God please help me
God please help me God please help
me I’m hurting inside and I know you
don’t want to see me this way I also
know that I have let you down so
many times and I’m sorry for that
and if you’re willing to help me get
through my pain I know I’ll be
stronger than before through you
right now I don’t know what to
do I losses my God daughter people
seem to be complaining about me
singing but isn’t that what you
wanted me to be a girl named Sara
wants to kill my sisters God please
help me God please help me God
please help me get through the pain
I’m in heal my heart and clear me
mind from all evil thoughts case
I can't live a day without you from
the time you brought me back to life
all the way till I grew up and turned
17 you have always been there when
I needed you and you never left me
side but I came across a situation I
never thought I’d face I losses me
God daughter and Sara wants to
kill my sisters please tell me what
I need to do and where I need to go
case right now I just___________
God please help me God please help
me case I can't walk in this world on
my own I’m sorry for the times I let
you down but I want you to know I
love you THIS SONG WAS
WRITTEN BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 17 TYPED BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
God does exist and he is with me every day
This world was once a lonely dark and
Lifeless world but one-day God decide
To make creation and created
Everything we see
But some of you still wonder or even
Say that God is not really well I’m here
To tell you that God does exist and he
Is with me everyday
God does exist and he is with me
Every day you don’t believe it case
You don’t see it or you think you
Have to fit into this world even if
It’s not denying that he exists think
About it who on this planet really
Knows when the world is going to end
The exact day at the exact time no one
People are just guessing saying they
Know when the world will come to a
End but the truth is no one here
Knows when that’s going to happen
It is said that only God the Father
Knows when and how the world will
End look around God's creation is
Everywhere from the trees to the
Animals from the animals to the
Humans and is created every day
God does exist and he is with me
Every day God wants to help you with
Your life everyone goes through hard
Times that they just can't get out of
And so if you let him accept him into
Your life case God dose exist and he
Is with me every day God does exist
And he is with every day I know there's
Times that seems like no one is
Around you feel like
You’ve been abandoned that no one
Cares but God dose in fact he loved
The world so much he gave his only
Son Jesus to die for you and me
So we can come have an ever lasting
Life with him all we got to do is give
Him our hearts and believe and trust
In him and you’ll see
God does exist and he is with me
Every day God does exist and he is
With me every day THIS SONG WAS
WRITTEN BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 17 TYPED BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL
AGE 18
Every heart is a good heart
when you look at someone your either
look at what is on the inside or you
look at the outside however those
who only look at the outside dose not
know how to look on the inside they
can't read through the lives case they
don’t even put themselves in
someone else's dark times
so they don’t think that every heart is
a good heart but if you ask me I
believe every heart is a good heart
every heart is a good heart just
case people call you names or says
whatever they say or even if they
hit you and through stuff at you
doesn’t mean they have a bad heart it
just means something is bothering
than they try not to show it and I
think that by making someone else
mad, sad, hurtful or even depressed is
there way of saying listen to me I
need help and don’t know who to talk
to some say they do this kind of thing
case they like but if you really
take the time to know them and talk
to them you’ll see that every heart is
a good heart every heart is a good
heart it’s just hard to see sometimes
case you don’t know what to say do or
where to go but take the time to truly
know someone see what their like
case every heart is a good heart
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE
17 TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
Daughter of God
Daughter of God daughter of God
I am the daughter of God I was only
2 months old when I saw his light
And was brought back to life
He knew what my heart was like and
How hard my life would be all the?
Times I failed and let him down yet
He never left my side and now all
I can say is I am a daughter of God a
Daughter of God daughter of God
Every day though I see the world
Differently than any human eye
Can see and it feels like I’m all alone
But I know you’re with me every where
I go when the darkness lies ahead of
Me and danger is at every turn you
Shine your light and lead the way
Because I am the daughter of God
Daughter of God daughter of God
Yea I am the daughter of God
And no one and nothing can ever
Change that case as long as I'm
Alive I give my life, my heart, my soul
And my mind to the Lord everyone
Always trying to change who I am
And to change my story with out
Even listing to it however there
Is a friend who dose accept you
For who you are and he wants us to
Accept him for who he is for this
Reason I am the daughter of God
Daughter of God daughter of God
As far as I’m concerned that’s never
Going to change not even death can
Take me away all case I am the
Daughter of God daughter of God
Daughter of God when I wake up
When I’m asleep you’re with me when
I’m out walking around you with me
You never leave even though there’s
A million reasons to go yet you stand
Here with open arms and you call me
Daughter of God daughter of God
Daughter of God when I feel the cold
Breeze of the wind my anger dies out
And I’m calm again inside and out and
I can here you say I am a daughter of
God I am a daughter of God
THIS SONG WAS...
WRITTEN BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 17
TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
You brought me back 2 life
be for I was brought into this world
I was in your prescience for 2 hours
it felt amazing and you brought me
back 2 lives you brought me back 2
life you gave the gift to sing and
write but a gift no one else seems
to have to see and feel things for
what they really are beyond the
obvers and all I can say is you
brought me back 2 lives you brought
me back 2 lives you brought me back
2 lives even though you knew I would
fall you picked me up again when I
went through some hard times you
carried me through you told me
you brought me back 2 lives you
brought me back 2 lives you
brought me back 2 life
I have reached a point several times
where I forgot who I was and who I
was living for than you remind me
I was here for you I’m living for you
you never left my side since the day
you brought me back 2 lives you
brought me back 2 lives you brought
me back 2 lives and so every day I
will give you my best in all that I
do I will learn to control my anger
and love everyone for you case you
brought me back 2 lives you brought
me back 2 lives you brought me back
2 lives and all I want is to be close 2
because you brought me back 2 life
THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY
NATALIE MARIIE HOWELL AGE
17 TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 18
Break out of the darkness
to be a part of it to begin with so I’m
going to break out of the darkness
break out of the darkness I look
around this world and see so much
more than a normal human eye can
see I feel the world for what it truly
is all this recharge here can be and?
will be put to its end weather its by us
our selves or when Jesus comes back
to take us all home with him but I will
not wait another day to turn my life
around when I could just break out of
the darkness breaks out of the
darkness I’m breaking out the
dark cold world to come home
where I belong a place where I
won't be in pain somewhere where
I’ll be actually happy inside and out
without having to pretend I’m ok
when I’m not you maybe in a situation
where you feel like you fell into a
deep black hole that you just can't
seem to get out of take my hand and
well break out of the darkness break
out of the darkness THIS SONG WAS
WRITTEN BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE 17 TYPED BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18
God I need you now more than ever
God I need you now more than ever
God I need you now more than ever
you see I have fallen into a dark
hole I’m lost and I have no idea what
to do I know you want me to love
people who caused so much pain
but now I’m covered in scars and
killed with depressed memories that
can't seem to leave that I just gate
say God I need you now more than
ever God I need you now more than
ever I lost a God child never found
out if it was a boy or a girl I’m
watching 5 of my closest friends
fall apart and I don’t know what to
say or what to do that’s whey I’m
letting you know that God I need
you now more than ever God I need
you now more than ever God I need
you now more than ever
I can barely hold on I don’t know if
I could possibly make it to my 17th
b day I know it’s only 5 more days
away but with all the pain inside I
just can't hold on any longer I just
don’t have the strength or the hope
anymore God I need you now more
than ever God I need you now more
than ever God I need you now more
than ever THIS SONG WAS
WRITTEN BY NATALIE MARIE
HOWELL AGE16 TYPED BY
NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE
18