Intro:
[All]
Welcome to Ru-Co Labs!
[Queen 1]
Better living through fake science
[All]
Welcome to Ru-Co Labs!
[Queen 2]
The future is now, and it's freaking me out!
[All]
Welcome to Ru-Co Labs!
[Queen 3]
They say always consult your doctor before taking a new medicine
But what the hell do they know?
[Queen 4]
Tell it like it is, girl!
[Queen 3]
What we got in stock?
[All]
We got tablets, drops, patches and shots
We got liquids that can take you from whatever you got
Have a sip, have a slurp and if you can still swallow
A hand full of promises, even though they're hollow
[Queen 5]
Here at Ru-Co labs, we've worked so hard to make these drugs help you with your strife
[Queen 6]
So check out these pills we're tucking
[Queen 7]:
Cause honey, they’re here to give you life
[All]
Welcome to Ru-Co labs
Yeah!
Verse 1:
[Queen 3]
O-M-G
[Queen 4]
What? what’s wrong?
[Queen 3]
Boys don’t make passes at queens with flat asses
[Queen 4]
What can I do about it?
[Queen 3]
Say goodbye padding and hello to...
Badonkadonx!
And it makes yo ass get a lot of humps
It comes in the patch
Stuck down by your snatch
If it’s a good batch, then it starts to hatch
[Queen 4]
Badonkadonx!
[Queen 3]
Watch out J-Lo, watch out Nikki, watch out Kimmy K
Cause we about to break the internet every other day
[Queen 4}
Got a new power bottom and it’s on display
It’s got its own zip code by the way 9-0-2-1...
[Queen 3]
Ohh!
That’s a big old ass
[Queen 4]
My backside looks like a mountain pass
[Queen 5]
Badonkadonx now available on the go
In a perky powder that looks a lot like snow
Put it in your salad, or a cold ice tea
Queen 2:
But don’t snort it up your nose
This ain’t 1983
Verse 2:
[Queen 1]
Hey Sandy!
Haven’t seen you at the club lately
[Queen 2]
Yeah well
I spent most of my summer working on my Drag Race audition
[Queen 6]
That’s not what I heard
I heard you’ve been poppin' out at parties
[Queen 1]
You don’t mean... Sandy no!
[Queen 2]
Used to rule the clubs but now I’m stuck at home
Suffering from a case of restless tuck syndrome
Cause when I see a stud in a top that’s cropped
I can’t get in my drag because my tuck gets popped!
[Queen 1]
But now there’s a solution made by Ru-Co Inc
A handy little pill that makes your junk shrink
[Queen 6]
So easy, once a month just open up and say ahh
When life gets too hard just take some Flaccida!
[All]
Flaccida
Flaccida
[Queen 2]
Flaccida saved my life and now I love it oodles
Even around the pit crew, I feel nothing, noodles
[All]
Flaccida!
[Queen 6]
Now illegal in 48 states
Verse 3:
[Queen 5]
Here’s the tea about that old queen on Twitter
You know that hateful b*tch that’s always so bitter
She says that Gaga stole it all from Madonna
[Queen 7]
What’s next?
Adopting kids from Botswana?
[Queen 6]
She wears caftans and moo moos, just like her idols
What she have in her gym bag?
[Queen 7]
Viagra and Midol
Kids today went downhill post Mariah
And who’s that new girl named Zendaya?
[Queen 6]
Do you suffer from bitter old queen syndrome?
Ru-Co labs has a spray for that
Trollvada!
Spritz a dab on your creamy inner thigh
And soon you’ll be taking Snapchats of your avocado toast
[Queen 7]
For the love of Cathleen turner what is happening?!
Oh my...
God, I’m obsessed with Miley’s new single
What’s the new dating app I’m ready to mingle
I’m gender fluid and not into labels
Cutting cords and getting rid of cable
Verse 4:
[Queen 8]
I don’t just sit at dinner tables anymore...
I flip 'em.!
Thanks, Conflama
[Queen 9]
That b*tch is crazy
[Queen 10]
I haven’t had a sip of wine in three years
Why?
Because now I throw it in people’s faces!
Thanks, Conflama
[Andy Cohen]
Conflama, it’s conflict plus drama
You know what that equals right? Dolla signs
It’s what every Reality Star's got, yep
Conflama! I put two teaspoons in my coffee every morning
Good to the last death drop
[All]
Conflama, find a way to pull up tonight
Conflama!
[Queen 8]
b*tch, I’m from Chicago!
[All]
Conflama, won’t go home till we start a fight
Conflama!
[Queen 8]
This ain’t Rupaul's Best Friends' Race!
[All]
Conflama!
[Queen 11]
Go back to Party City where you belong!
{Queen 9]
b*tch! The song is over
[Queen 11]
Don’t you tell me when the song is over!
[Queens 8 and 10]
Conflama, it’s working!
Verse 5:
[Queen 12]
What did Tinderella say when she got to the ball?
[Queen 13]
*choking*
[Queen 12]
Oh dear Tinderella, why are you gagging so?
[Queen 13]
What could I do, I bit off more than I could chew
It’s my great defect, I have...
Terminal gag reflex!
[Queen 12]
Feeling stressed, choked or distant
Gag reflex is so persistent
Ru-Co labs has a potion
You can drink up any ocean!
Now there's Swallowease...
[All]
La-la-la-la-la-la-la
[Queen 13]
Swallowease...
[Queen 9]
Swallowease is for princesses 21 and older
It does not prevent the spread of STDs
Side effects include increased b*tchiness, an unquenchable thirst, lower credit scores, and total astigmatization
[Queen 13]
Thanks to Swallowease, I’ll be ready whenever my prince comes!
[All]
Swallowease!
Verse 6:
[Queen 8]
Did you see her shoes?
[All]
Yas queen!
[Queen 8]
Aren’t they so tacky?
[All]
Yas queen!
[Queen 8]
Can you stop saying that?
[All]
Yas queen!
[Queen 8]
I don’t think you can
[All]
b*tch what do you mean?
[Queen 10]
Some queens are so annoying
Their voices are really cloying
[Queen 9] repeating the same words falling out they’re lips like turds
[Queens 8 and 10]
Oh, girl, you got Drag mouth
It’s a big problem, Mary
You need to read a book like right now
And up your vocabulary
[Queens 9 and 11]
But now there’s a fix when you come and go south
All you gotta do is put this caulk in your mouth
[Queen 12]
Caulk, as in C-A-U-L-K
Get your mind out of the gutter
[All but 12]
Anyone can use it
Including straights, bis, and gays
It stops your loose lips from
Shouting drag cliches
[Queen 8]
Side effects include but are not limited to...
Yas queen!
Damn now I got it
[Queen 11]
Good God Get a Grip Girl
Okurrrrr
Outro:
[Queen 11]
There’s a question, burns deep in my soul
One that you, can only control
From your lips to God's ear
There’s an answer we all need to hear
Tell me is there, an anal option
[Queen 9]
What’s right for others ain’t right for me
What I’m asking is biology
Rupaul is there, an anal option
For me
[All]
For me, for me, for me, for me, me too
[Queen 1]
Four out of doctors don’t recommend Ru-Co labs
[Queen 8]
So kids, just don’t do drugs
[Queen 6]
Just love yourself, so you can love somebody else
[Queen 7]
Can I get an amen?
[All]
Amen!