Personal lyrics

I been searching for that praise for a minute I done tried
I been in a daze ill admit it I won't lie
Give a f*ck if they didn't meant it this my life
Homie im taking it personal
I been drunk for 25 days a month
I been stuck for like more like 31
Im about to face this personal
Homie im taking it personal

Thoughts all deep
Drinking knob creek
Rhythm off beat, livin all bleek
Drying from life and my symptoms on fleek
Holy water jus drip on my cheek
And it fall to my lips i could taste the salt
From the weight and the way they talk
All the doubt from what they had thought
All the running back and fourth tryna pace my heart i won't let you
Mirror convos, i dont get you
Thinking of all the fun come from being simple
That i just dont get to
No rescue, i dont want it, i won't neck you
See my head too bright won't dull my light
Dont kiss ass i ain't even that great at eatin pus*y so yall can go ahead and just push me
Swallow this whiskey but never my pride
I won't hide won't lie no no no no
Can't walk in my shoes but truth is I wouldn't want you to that jus might taint my soul so
All i know is i dont know
All that shows is what dont show
All my highs are my lows yo
Im tryin, what if i never fight hard enough
What if my skin, isnt golden
In the shining eyes of the golden
I hope to god im enough
But at times i feel so alone and stuck

I need some answers right now
I been drinking and drivin the seatbelts for pus*ys and clowns
I put my faith in green faces but only cause none of them frown
Tired of doubters and old toy vides always puttin me down putting me down
Rapper by night like im caped to drusade
But im still working 8 hours a day
We make acquaintance and she tryna date
Dranks fell asleep and forgot now im late
Ironic i wonder why i be alone
Always exposin myself in these poems
Wonder if certain things i can atone
Ain't wanna do this sh*t over the phone
Know that my body your temple your home
I laid it down like position is prone
Invite to party dont care to go
All my homies like fair enough, emotionally unavailable
When will i feel like ive grown
Im 25 and still ask my momma to fold all of my clothes
Im still a novice when im on the stove
Bacon grilled cheese is bout all that i know
Slippery slope obligated to soldier
Napsack tied to a stick on my shoulder
Everyday feels the same
Everyday feels the same
Can't keep these images out my brain
Im callin for guidance im short on replies and im scrollin through all these names
Tell me now how can i numb the pain