Heatwave 2018 lyrics

by

XPWEW


XPWEW 2018 Heatwave
*Opening Video Package about the return of XPWEW
*Flame pyro-technics
*Jaques Dudley entrance with plenty pyrotechnics
*Intro with Joey Styles & Shane McCoy on commentary quickly swinging it back to the fast paced opening contest of Rey & Jaques
*Rey Mysterio entrance with several women wearing luchador masks
*Rey Mysterio is wearing a Marvel Deadpool inspired outfit and mask
M1: Jaques Dudley defeats Rey via pin fall
*Gorilla Position: Rey walks behind the curtain to a round of applause by Troy Clausen thank you for being here Rey I greatly appreciate it. Jaques walks behind the curtain slowly and glares into a stare off with Troy. Troy embraces for a hug and Jaques denies his advancement. Troy explains, he wants to “bury the hatchet”. The past is the past so lets leave it together. Troy exclaims how he is a changed man and two things on this earth don’t hold grudges. that being basketballs and Troy Clausen. Troy persistently sees how Jaques is unimpressed by his apology. “Listen here, I understand why your upset with me. You proved me wrong! You proved me wrong to the whole world like..half a decade ago. I can change. I have. Jaques says “I just lived a childhood dream with a legend in this industry, Rey Mysterio. I’m on quite an adrenaline rush at the moment. I don’t wanna hear your fake apologies. I just want to be XPWEW Champion again. Troy says, I’ve already figured out the world title situation. and you know what I’ll spill the beans now. You just beat the legendary Rey Mysterio. So, I tell you what. Next week on Pyro. I’ll let you know but as of right now. You are in really good contention to be in the title chase. I think you’ll like the new title design as well. I’ll reveal it on Pyro this friday. Troy exits to the right in front of Jaques to a unique camera angle of Troy walking with the camera backward down the hallway.
*Troy enters the green room of Heatwave tonight to adult film star Mia Khalifa. Who is here to promote the 2018 PornHub awards to be held in Los Angeles later this month, Troy banters back and forth acknowledging. Mia explains her interest in being the advisor to XPWEW by her interests in sports and her involvement in pro wrestling with her encounter with indie star Joey Ryan has perked her interest into getting into pro wrestling. Troy buries the lead only to politely flirt with Mia only for Chris Johnson to enter stage left on Mia Khalifa’s side of the screen.
(Johnson gets a pretty big pop from the crowd)
Chris Johnson talks about how he’s more aware than he ever has been before and he saw Troy talking to Jaques earlier and reminds him. “If you are already putting him! In contention for the world title, lets not forget who broke that streak of his. Troy attempts to respond quickly
**Bigger Pop**
until Hardcore Legend Mick Foley appears to kiss the hand of Mia Khalifa. Mick: Mia its a privilege to meet you right here! in the Los Angeles California! Troy laughs as CJ mean mugs.
Troy: Chris! If you have a grievance may I introduce you to the NEW! first time ever! Leader of human resources! Mick Foley! You see Chris if you have any issue, talk to Mick. He’s here to help you.
Mick: Says I’m a huge fan
Chris Johnson interrupts only to gloat about how great he is and as soon as he gets going. Foley interjects to remind him I was actually talking about Mia’s work on the internet but you are pretty talented too. Johnson gets up in Mick’s face.
Johnson: Mick, I know we’ve never met but as a warning to you from me. I’d suggest you watch your mouth when you speak to me or you’ll leave here quicker than you came. Johnson walks away
(awkward silence between Mia,Foley & Troy Clausen)
Foley: Mia I guess if I were leave quicker than I came then maybe I might not be cut out for your industry. Bang! Bang!
*Sick Nick Mondo entrance with new brown gear as opposed to his classic lime green attire
*Milk Man entrance wearing a really unique Chocolate version of his old uniform full with Chocolate milk liters which means Mondo is matching.
*Siaka Lexoni & Ruckus entrance together with new theme music performed LIVE by Maxo Kream & Playboi Carti
M2: Milk Mondo ENT vs Ruckus & Lexoni
*Ruckus picks up the win for his team with a Bankroll onto Milk Man.
*Siaka Lexoni celebrates with Ruckus and calls for the music to stop. Siaka starts controlling his breathing and says. I can’t believe I’m about to say this but I plan on retiring here tonight and this was my last match. I wanna thank everyone here for allowing me to perform all over the world for you for the past 10 years. Today marks my 10th year as a professional wrestler and I wanna thank Ruckus for being my best friend, my brother and thank you for everything. They both hug and hold hands up high and Siaka breaths in the admiration of the crowd by jumping the rail and greeting a farewell to the fans up close and personal in the stands as the screen fades to black
*Troy Clausen walking backstage and a door opens adjacent to him. Joel Gertner comes out of the door and shakes Troy’s hand and Troy says Joel. I am granting you a position as well. You are now my assistant and mind you I’m a changed person and that role will not be a chance for me or anyone to take advantage of you. Hey by the way who else showed up.
Troy: Did Future make it?
Joel: Sir, he is in tour across the country
Troy: You sure he couldn’t make it
Joel: I’m pretty sure but Tito Santana is here
*Tito Santana appears out of the door to a big smile and a good pop
Troy: I was looking for Future not 6ix9ine or is that your age huh huh. You see Tito, I listen to my audience and they don’t like you. But that doesn’t mean I can’t come here. They hug.
Tito: Obviously I can’t afford to be the private advisor. I’m not made of money. Troy honestly aren’t you like a BP oil tycoon? Why can’t you just pay for all this. I’m retired. I just wanted to be here for the boys. but concerning your boy
Troy: ha ha did you train him well?
*Curt Clausen appears to Clausen’s left and shakes Tito’s hand.
Troy: proudly looks at Curt - up and down. My son! You remind me of a young me. Are you ready for your first official match as “Champagne” Curt Clausen!
Curt: Dad, I’ve never been more prepared for anything in my life
Troy: Go get em’ champ. I love that kid.
*Chris Johnson entrance
*Curt Champagne Clausen
M3: Chris Johnson vs Champagne Clausen w/ manager Tito Santana
*Clausen wins with a shocking roll-up finish and Johnson is beside himself and is openly frustrated
*Mick Foley and Mia Khalifa backstage watching a monitor.
Mia: he does look like a 70’s porn star
Mick: I do wish that 70’s style did come back to main stream consciousness like a little hair you know
a knock on the door: Jake Awesome, : Mick you wanted to see me
Mick: Jake yes, how are you. We’ve never formally met before. So this is a big deal my son Mickey is a huge fan or yours
Jake: thanks it means allot coming from you
Mick: I just wanted to inform you that Troy Clausen has given me the instruction that I am going to be the special guest referee for you and Slayer tonight. I’ve actually been trying to contact him all night to no luck but I do have another person here
Vince Russo appears: Mick, bro its been too long. Jake Awesome now thats what a professional wrest-a-luh is suppose to look like bro. Jake, you are a stud just like your father it’s great to meet you
*Russo gets a very mixed reaction
Jake: humbly shakes Russo’s hand and asks speaking of which, Why did you make my dad That 70’s guy. Bro c’mon the Aston Kutcher show was doing big numbers bro it was just business! just business! strictly business bro!
Jake: smirks and laughs
Mick: (interjects) I will input I did think Dude Love was a more successful hippie inspired character than that of the fat chick thriller but I’m not judging
Jake: (quick laugh and walks out)
*tanaka entrance
*blackman entrance
M3: Steve Blackman vs Masato Tanaka
*Blackman wins this match with a brain buster suplex bridge pin after a very close contest.
Blackman grabs the microphone and urges Tanaka to shake hands as a sign of good sportsmanship, Tanaka accepts only for Blackman to kick him in the balls in response
Blackman: I don’t have the god damn patience for you or any of the sc*m here in LA tonight
*crowd boos*
Blackman: Look at all the people here tonight huh look int the front row. Well thats Mr. Red cap to the back himself. Frederick First!
*camera switches to Fred Durst in the front row
Blackman: smirking approaches him and does a quick interview but cuts it short bashing Durst with the microphone and then shinzo kicking him in the head only for security to separate them
Blackman pleads up to the ramp with the mic in hand
Blackman: security can’t stop me, Fred Durst couldn’t stop me. but I am back with purpose. I am the greatest champion in this company’s lineage runs through me and I’d like to introduce my new manger. better yet my new litigator. Will Olafuub and Eddie Edwards
*Olaffub & Edwards enter and embrace Blackman
*Olaffub takes the mic. This is the new wave. This is the dark web of professional wrestling. We seek the truth. We are The Truth of professional wrestling.
The Lethal Weapon Steve Blackman
The Human Visegrip Eddie Edwards and introducing The Luminary!!! Croyle
Brodie Croyle entrance! We want all the gold and we will not rest until we have it
We are the Truth Infantry.
*Backstage: Jim Cornette is revealed to be famous YouTuber Brian Zane in disguise cuts a scathing promo on how the current state of professional wrestling is in the toilet. He wants to give his blessing to Leonard & Dennis McGraw. A return to the basics. A return to class and prestige. He also calls out Russo as a coward for leaving.
*Pac aka Neville makes his entrance to a big ovation from the crowd. Maybe biggest of the night
*Tanhashi enters to a nice pop as well
M4: Tanahashi vs Pac
*After a chess match match with Neville taking most of the offense the match. Neville wins with a bridge pin tiger suplex. Tanahashi clearly frustrated with himself hesitates to leave the ring but does and somberly walks up the ramp.
*Romeo Roselli interview with new official xpwew interviewer Kandi Khaos
INTERVIEW: Romeo politely answers the questions of his excitement looking forward with XPWEW. Romeo dressed up as iconic drag queen “Divine” most famously portrayed from the 1970’s film Pink Flamingos. Romeo has a gucci bag, inside he reveals “The Heavens Crown Championship title. A very unique title with a powder blue strap and silver plate, He reveals that starting on pyro he will gracefully defend this title every single week! The Seven Minutes In Heaven Challenge will be inaugurated next friday on the season premiere of Pyro
{Romeo Roselli defends the Heavens Crown Championship each week in a 7 minute match against a mystery opponent.}
*Taka Michinoku enters wearing a Will Osperay t-shirt just to shoutout his buddy over in NJPW. Big pop
*Kota Ibushi enters to streamers from the side ramp like crazy. Great pop for his debut here in XPWEW
2 out of 3 falls
M6: Taka Michinoku vs Kota Ibushi
*Kota wins the first fall
*Taka wins the second fall
*Kota Ibushi wins the third fall after multiple missed
M7: Leonard & Dennis McGraw accompanied by Brian Zane destroy a local talent tag team called The LA Rydas
*Backstage: Slayer sitting in what appears to be a secluded janitor’s closet and Marc Snow appears and Slayer almost jumps in self defense and Marc steps in with a birthday card. I know it’s your birthday today. Slayer heistantly accepts and Marc says I’m not going to apologize for anything. I just wanna tell you I support you and I love you and I wish I would have said it sooner. Slayer actually goes in for a huge and f*cking history is made as Slayer and Marc Snow hug it out and the decades of father/son abuse may have just ended right before our eyes at Heatwave
*Backstage: Jake Awesome now in his ring gear passes by Mick Foley talking with Troy Clausen, Joel Gertner & Will Ollafub.
Jake asks Mick for advice. Mick says well see I’ve seen enough of Slayer to know. But Jake I’m a well versed XPWEW fanatic! and I know that in big match scenarios, in big fights, sink or swim, fight or die, adapt or perish. Jake Awesome. The mammoth. is the greatest xpwew wrestler ever. Most decorated. Most successful. The best. You don’t need to ask Mick Foley for anything. Believe in you! You can conquer and good luck tonight Jake. Jake smiles and pats Mick on the back and thanks him thoroughly. Mick smiles in the distance
*promo hyping the psychotic clowns. Kirby Lee and Joe Gacy. Coming soon!!!!
IN RING: *Troy Clausen hits the ring with Joel Gertner and his son Curt “Champagne” Clausen.
Joel has a crate filled with what appears to be plaques
Troy hands a plaque to Joey Styles as the greatest commentator in XPWEW history
Joey rebuttals with a “well the only one but thanks”
Troy hands a plaque to Jaques Dudley for being the best person he can be
He cues Jaques to enter the stage but after silence he’s like “I’ll find him, I’ll give it to him. I’ve buried the hatchet me and Jaques are cool now.”
Troy gets Joel Gertner and Champagne Clausen to grab a big bag of candy “Zero” I love a zero bar! Joel throws bars of candy into the crowd and so does Troy.
Troy says now that all the love is in the air. I have the esteemed honor to announce to you the official advisor to XPWEW
Ladies and Gentlemen…
*Glass breaks
STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN appears for the first time in the XPWEW arena and he doesn’t live for from Los Angeleees as he says on his podcast
Stone Cold hits all four corners buried in cheers from the crowd. He stops. Clausen again announces him. Stone Cold grabs the mic. runs down joel, then champagne then troy
but he’s not here to be an “advisory” Stone Cold don’t rock with that. He’s a sheriff. Sheriff Austin. and i’m gonna make sure everything works. and i’ll be damn any of those wrestlers in the back,
Troy says that curt clausen almost looks like a young stunning steve austin.
Pizza delivery arrives.
Austin: Pizza?
Troy: Yes, pizza, do you mind getting it, you are the advisor after all
Austin: Wait you want stone colds money?
thats what this is about
Troy: I thought this is why you sold the broken skull ranch??
Austin: (to the crowd) if you think troy clausen is only out to get my money and stab ,me in the back for his own benefit, give me a hell yeah
Crowd: HELL YEAH
Troy: no! no! I’m a changed man!
Austin: recalls his history with jaques dudley, i know what kinda person ya are
Stone Cold didn’t come here to hand over any money and stone cold ain’t here in the EX PEE DUBYA EE DUBYA to do nothing but make damn sure things are running up to make this company, a fixture of the pro wrestling world and as my first act I’d like to get started on the right foot
{Austin gets up in Clausen’s face}
Austin: DTA - thats a moniker I live my life by. I here now am the sheriff of that locker room and i will call the shots 50/50. Not BS. No shortcuts so I’m gonna warn you now. Don’t get under my skin, don’t ruffle my feathers, don’t test me, basically what I’m saying is don’t p*ss me off!
Now if ya wanna see jake awesome take on the ole’ dragons layer in the main event give me a hell yeah
LETS EAT SOME PIZZA
Clausen smiles and cheers
Gertner already has half a pizza in his mouth
Austin gets a couple beers thrown at him, hands them off and then while they all drink one
delivers a stone cold stunner to the pizza man
*Mick Foley entrance as special guest referee
*Slayer entrance
*Jake Awesome entrance
M9: Slayer vs Jake Awesome
*Slayer wins by submission with the helm sharpshooter.
{the first time jake awesome has ever lost via submission}
Mick lifts Slayer’s arm in victory
THE END
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