Extra Prayers lyrics

I'm so mad
Mad about things I can't control
Mad because I've muted my feelings
Verbally, not mentally
Dante's Inferno brought down to a simmer
The Divine Comedy on Blu-Ray
It's easier being quiet than it is being wrong
I'm so sad
My mom told me I love you but I don't like you
I still think about that in moments like these
I used to lie because I was afraid of getting in trouble
Strawberry protein powder knocked over while she was yelling
Outlines of pink dust under PFFCU envelopеs on the kitchen table for weeks aftеr
I'm so embarrassed
Playing dumb so people don't expect from me
Playing the victim so people don't suspect of me
Playing last night over and over again in my head
The cardboard sword of my optimism used to slice and swing strong
Forged by my belief that everything would work out if I do no wrong
But it's bending and ripping with every look you give me
When I forget to lock the door or I eat too fast then you call me stupid or you call me fat
When I witness a murder and don't know what to do because everything I do is wrong
The school bus is speeding and the window is down but I don't feel the breeze
When does it get easier?
I want to kill myself
Not to end my life but to end my pain
It won't be dramatic, I think of it more as an exhale
I love sleeping because there's nothing
I always feel everything all the time and all I want in life is to just not think or feel this way
I want to kill myself so that people will miss me
They won't be mad or laughing at me for once
This poetry in motion comes to a full stop
The SEPTA door squeaks my name
I see his Camry parked, I walk the other way
I want to cry
I'm so embarrassed
I'm so scared to go to school
I want to go home