(Verse)
[J.D.]
Hey, Mrs. Miller, we just need a stool sample
[MRS. MILLER]
Why do you need a stool sample if you think I'm just a nut?
[J.D. AND TURK]
'Cause the answer's not in your head, my dear. It's in your butt
[J.D.]
You see
(Chorus)
Everything comes down to poo
From the top of your head to the sole of your shoe
We can figure out what's wrong with you
By looking at your poo
Turk?
[TURK]
Do you have a hemorrhoid
Or is it rectal cancer?
When you flush your dookie down
You flush away the answer
[J.D.]
It doesn't really matter
If it's hard or loose
We'll figure out what's ailing you
As long as it's a deuce
Yes!
Everything comes down to poo
[NURSES]
Everything comes down to poo
[J.D.]
Cardiovascular and lymphatic, yes, the nervous system, too
All across the nation
We trust in defecation
Everything comes down to poo
[TURK]
If you want to know what's wrong
Don't sit and act so cool
Just be a man and eat some bran
And drop the kids off at the pool
[PATIENT 1]
My stomach hurts
[J.D.]
Check the poo
[PATIENT 2]
I sprained my ankle
[TURK]
Check the poo
[PATIENT 3]
I was shot
[J.D.]
Check the poo
[DELIVERY MAN]
A homeless guy
Threw poo in my eye
[TURK]
Check the poo
[DELIVERY MAN]
Mine or his?
[J.D.]
First him, then you
It may be gross, you may say "Shush!"
[J.D. AND TURK]
But we need to see what comes out of your tush
Because
[J.D., TURK, AND NURSES]
Everything comes down to poo
Whether it's a tumor or a touch of the flu
[TURK]
Our number one test is your number two
[J.D., TURK, AND NURSES]
If there's no breeze
Then light a match, please
Everything comes down to
[J.D.]
Doo doo
[TURK]
Doo doo
[J.D.]
Doo doo
[TURK]
Doo doo
[J.D., TURK, AND NURSES]
Everything comes down to poo!