Ben Jonson

"A Tale of a Tub ACT 5. SCENE 10."

Lady Preamble before her. Tub, Turfe, D. Turfe, Pol-martin,
Awdrey, Puppy, VVispe, Hugh, Clay.
All take
their Seats. Hilts waits on the by.

Lad.
Neighbours all welcome: Now doth Totten-Hall
Shew like a Court: And hence shall first be
call'd so.
Your witty short Confession, Mr. Vicar,
Within, hath been the Prologue, and hath open'd
Much to my Son's Device, his Tale of a Tub.

Tub.
Let my Masque shew it self: And In-and-In,
The Architect, appear: I hear the Whistle.

[Hil. Peace.

[Medlay appears above the Curtain.

Med.
Thus rise I first, in my light Linnen Breeches,
To run the meaning over in short Speeches.
Here is a Tub, a Tub of Totten-Court:
An ancient Tub, hath call'd you to this sport:
His Father was a Knight, the rich Sir Peter;
Who got his Wealth by a Tub, and by Salt-Petre:
And left all to his Lady Tub, the Mother
Of this bold Squire Tub, and to no other.
Now of this Tub, and's Deeds, not done in Ale,
Observe, and you shall see the very Tale.

[He draws the Curtain, and discovers the top of the Tub.

The First Motion.

[Ha' peace. Loud Musick.

Med.
Here Chanon Hugh first brings to Totten-Hall
The High Constable's Council, tells the
Squire all;
Which, though discover'd (give the Devil his due:)
The Wise of Finsbury do still pursue.
Then with the Justice doth he counterplot,
And his Clerk Metaphor, to cut that knot:
Whilst Lady Tub, in her sad Velvet Gown,
Missing her Son, doth seek him up and down.

Tub.
With her Pol-martin bare before her.

Med.
Yes,
I have exprest it here in Figure, and Mis-
tris VVispe, her Woman, holding up her Train.

Tub.

The Second Motion.


[Hil. Ha' peace. Loud Musick.

Med.
Here the High Constable, and Sages walk
To Church, the Dame, the Daughter, Bride-maids talk
Of Wedding-business; till a Fellow in comes,
Relates the Robbery of one Captain Thum's:
Chargeth the Bridegroom with it: Troubles all,
And gets the Bride; who in the Hands doth fall
Of the bold Squire; but thence soon is tane
By the sly Justice, and his Clerk profane,
In shape of Pursuyvant; which he not long
Holds, but betrays all with his trembling Tongue:
As truth will break out, and shew, &c.

Tub.
O, thou hast made him kneel there in a corner,
I see now: There is simple Honour for you, Hilts!

Hil.
Did I not make him to confess all to you?

Tub.
True, In-and-In hath done you right, you see.
Thy Third, I pray thee, witty In-and-In.

Cle.
The Squire commends 'un. He doth like all well.

Pan.
He cannot chuse. This is Gear made to sell.

The Third Motion.

[Hil. Ha' peace. Loud Musick.

Med.
The careful Constable, here drooping comes,
In his deluded search of Captain Thum's.
Puppy brings word, his Daughter's run away
With the tall Serving-man. He frights Groom Clay
Out of his Wits. Returneth then the Squire,
Mocks all their Pains, and gives Fame out a Lyar,
For falsly charging Clay, when 'twas the Plot
Of subtle Bramble, who had Awdrey got,
Into his hand, by his winding device.
The Father makes a Rescue in a trice:
And with his Daughter, like Saint George on foot,
Comes home triumphing, to his dear Heart root.
And tells the Lady Tub, whom he meets there,
Of her Son's Courtesies, the Batchelor.
Whose words had made 'em fall the Hue and Cry.
When Captain Thum's coming to ask him, why
He had so done? He cannot yield him cause:
But so he runs his Neck into the Laws.


The Fourth Motion.


[Hil. Ha' peace. Loud Musick.

Med.
The Laws, who have a Noose to crak his Neck,
As Justice Bramble tells him, who doth peck
A Hundreth Pound out of his Purse, that comes
Like his Teeth from him, unto Captain Thum's.
Thum's is the Vicar in a false disguise:
And employs Metaphor to fetch this Prize.
Who tells the Secret unto Basket-Hilts,
For fear of beating. This the Squire quilts

Within his Cap; and bids him but purloin
The Wench for him: They Two shall share the Coyn.
Which the sage Lady, in her 'foresaid Gown,
Breaks off, returning unto Kentish-town,
To seek her VVispe; taking the Squire along,
Who finds Clay John, as hidden in Straw throng.

Hil.
O, how am I beholden to the Inventer,
That would not, on Record, against me enter!
My slackness here, to enter in the Barn:
Well, In-and-In, I see thou canst discern!
Tub. On with your last, and come to a Conclusion.


The Fifth Motion.


[Hil. Ha' peace. Loud Musick

Med.
The last is known, and needs but small infusion
Into your Memories, by leaving in
These Figures, as you sit. I, In-and-In,
Present you with the Show: First, of a Lady
Tub, and her Son, of whom this Masque here, made I.
Then Bridegroom Pol, and Mistris Pol the Bride:
With the Sub-Couple, who sit them beside.

Tub.
That only Verse I alter'd for the better, eufonia
gratiâ.

Med.
Then Justice Bramble, with Sir Hugh the Chanon:
And the Bride's Parents, which I will not stan' on,
Or the lost Clay, with the recovered Giles:
Who thus unto his Master, him 'conciles,
On the Squire's Word, to pay old Turfe his Club,
And so doth end our Tale here, of a Tub.

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