I Wish I Died in 2018 lyrics

It feels like every time I'm hurt, I just been openin' up my heart
It's like I'm always at my worst, I should've just known it right from the start
Cause I've been cryin' out for help, I've been hatin' on myself
It's all the same, the way I feel, with all the pain that I've been dealt

I've been hiding up in my mind, the only place I feel okay (Okay)
I just lie and say I'm fine cause I just wish I'd fade away
It's hard for me to trust the love they give, they tell me that I'm great (Okay)
So, I've been wasting my whole life cause I'm scared to show my face

It's hard for me, I just always hurt somebody that I need (Need)
I didn't mean it that way, no, please don't leave (Leave)
Sometimes I feel like I can die but I still bleed (Bleed)
I wish I died back in 2018

I say I'm fine, but I've been lying, please don't save me
If I die, don't want to see you resuscitate me
I've been losing it, it's driving me crazy
I'll be going to the grave

With all the trauma I put on the shelf
And all the pain that I been feelin' (Okay)
I don't really want nobody's help
Think about all the ways of killin'

And I got self-destructive tendencies and signs of jealousy (Okay)
I been empty inside cause my heart feel incomplete
It's like a curse, I can't lift it, I got chains around my neck
Suicide, I been tempted, I'm arranging all my checks
I feel alive when I'm dyin', I don't ever get no rest
I'm crashing down from the high, I can't handle all the stress
Cause I've been gone but never forgotten, I been lost but I'm still tryin'
It's hard to find me where I'm hidin', I feel the noose, it start to tie

Cause I just been runnin' all in the same place
But I can't escape my pain
I just been f*cking sh*t up in my brain
I hope it ends the shame when I die

(Yeah, I can't handle, I can't handle, I can't, nah)
(I can't handle, I can't handle all the stress, yeah)
(I can't handle, I can't handle, I can't, nah)
(I can't handle, I can't handle all the stress)