A thank you note, pt.3 lyrics

God knows how I tried
God knows how I tried
I can't be like this forever I gotta grow out of it
If I don't grow out of it
I'm gonna f*cking put a bullet in my f*cking head
I gotta grow out of it

I remember when I was a kid
I used to think about nothingness in the backseat of my moms car
I would literally feel how it is to not be alive
I remember how empty that feeling was when I was only five
It haunts me every day
I'd hike to the top of the hills and think about how life would be
If I were to just jump
If I were to just jump
Then maybe I wouldn't have felt all the things that I felt
But who knows

Maybe every place that I incarnate is just a hell for me
I gotta repay for the sh*t that I did
I try to be a good person
But everyone knows how that works out
There has to be an end to this sh*t

I guess there's no way out, is there?
I'm just as human as you