Jared the Footlong Lover lyrics

[Verse 1]
Hey there little kids, my name's Jared, I'm a friend
Can I eat a sandwich with you?
How 'bout a footlong, wheat or white, what kinda bread?
Help me squeeze the mayo out this tube

[Pre-Chorus]
Got my mind on your body and your body's only 9
Have a taste of my Teriyaki sauce, you wanna try?
Don't tell your mother
Kiss the cuc*mber
It's time for supper
I'm the footlong lover

[Refrain]
5
5 dollar foot
5 dollar footdong

[Chorus]
Put me down, you scream and start to cry
Don't be scared, just have a little bite
I'm Jared, I'm the subway guy
Let's do a line
I'm the footlong lover
[Verse 2]
Guess how many kids I could fit in these pants
Have you had the meatballs? They're good
Yes I like my subs like I like my women
I like them 6 and 12, yeah

[Pre-Chorus]
Got my mind on your body and your body's only 9
Add some chips and a drink for just a dollar ninety-nine
Go get your brother
I got a boner
Would you like that toasted?
I'm the footlong lover

[Refrain]
5
5 dollar foot
5 dollar footdong

[Chorus]
Take a bath with me and close the blinds
Here's some ranch, you got it in your eye
I tuck my shirt in all the time
Now you know why
I'm the footlong lover
[Refrain]
5
5 dollar foot
5 dollar footdong

[Bridge]
Shhh
I gotta boner
Uhh... I'll have the kids meal with extra kids
Got my mind on your body
And your body's only 9
C'mon guys
Even Michael Jackson got three second chances
Have a taste of my Minisub, it grows into a Grinder
How about if I go through your Craigslist history?
Wanna know what my favourite sub is?
Turkey Ham

[Chorus]
Eat this double meaty yummy sub
Tell your parents that you played outside
Chicken's still in the microwave
Each f*ckin' time
I'm the footlong lover
Turkey ham
I'm the footlong lover
I like kids, is that a f*ckin' crime?
No, please don't f*ckin' start to cry
Or you will die
I'm the footlong lover
[Refrain]
5
5 dollar foot
5 dollar footdong
I'm the footlong lover