[Verse 1]
I woke up this morning, but I didn't wake
Till the afternoon because I slept in late
With a great mental state and a date with destiny
I'll roll down the block without a copper even stressing me
Let alone arrestin' me or givin' me a ticket
It's comin' into summer, and the weather's f*ckin' wicked
So I figured I'd be hitting the beach
Look at skinny-dippers' titties and get something to eat
After half a pound of chips and a flounder burger
I was sitting on my arse like a council worker
Reminiscin' about being p*ssed off about
My house burnin' down to the ground and being out
On my arse before my change of fortune
Now I score tunes, don't get up before noon
So yo mamma's on the head of my knob
And it's better than heading to my dead-end job
Because the boss was a c*ck head when I was a clerk
So I clocked him – and now I don't work
It's beautiful day, and I can use a cliche, 'cause
"I am the greatest!" like Cassius Clay
[Chorus 1]
I got the world at my feet, and my toe jam's nasty
(Figjam!) f*ck, I'm good, just ask me
I couldn't give a sh*t about your corporate hierarchy
(Figjam!) f*ck, I'm good, just ask me
[Refrain]
"I can't believe how dope I am, I'm the motherf*ckin' man"
"I can't believe how dope I am, I'm the motherf*ckin' man"
"I can't believe how dope I am, I'm the motherf*ckin' man"
"I can't believe how dope I am, I'm the motherf*ckin' man"
[Verse 2]
I rock around in track-and-thongs, f*cked off a buck-of-bongs
If you don't like it, you can come suck a long di*k
'Cause I'm brit pop, all the way to hip-hop
I get so plastered, you'd think I'm drinking Gyprock
But I'm sh*t-hot, no matter how you look at it
And my lyrics make you wanna read the book-a-let'
Don't 'cause I'm cooking it like the iron chef!
That's why I'm deaf, up to the high clef
(Figjam!) The rhymes are fat like Chief Wiggum
And in fact, I never lag it's like a magic pack of Tim Tams
We're the duck's nuts and you suck and I don't give a damn
So good on the cut, they should call me Edward Scissorhands
So give a hand for me and my associates
(You suck!) Well, that's just inappropriate
Smoke me a kipper, b*tch, I'm from the Ipa-switch
Side of town, don't forget to write it down
(West side, eeee!) What the f*ck? It ain't gangster rap!
Think you're tougher, then you'd probably suffer wanker's cramp
And I'll thank you to f*ck right off
Professional f*ckwits, take one night off
[Chorus 2]
I'm Evil Eddie with a rock-steady microphone mastery
(Figjam!) f*ck, I'm good, just ask me
As a concept, the intellect can't grasp me
(Figjam!) f*ck, I'm good, just ask me
[Refrain]
"I can't believe how dope I am, I'm the motherf*ckin' man"
"I can't believe how dope I am, I'm the motherf*ckin' man"
"I can't believe how dope I am, I'm the motherf*ckin' man"
"I can't believe how dope I am, I'm the motherf*ckin' man"
[Chorus 3]
I got the strong profile, without the help of rhinoplasty
(Figjam!) f*ck, I'm good, just ask me
Kicking arse in the charts, but you can't class me
(Figjam!) f*ck, I'm good, just ask me
I just had a threesome with ya mamma and your auntie
(Figjam!) f*ck, I'm good, just ask me
And they're coming back this arv' for the bukkake party
[Bridge]
(Figjam!) My di*k is bigger than a wigwam!
And you can see my pee-pee three feet above the TV
And if you are getting very sleepy
Wake up! (These c*nts need a shake up)
[Verse 3]
I'm a jet-set, go-getter, but I got a vendetta
Just got a death threat over the phone
Better go lay low, under ground, like a bilby
(Figjam!) Chill man, people wanna kill me!
But I don't let that bullsh*t sweat me
I'm at ya mamma's if you wanna come and get me
You shady f*ck, I may be stuck
In a crazy situation but I'm favoured by lady luck
You wanna stop me? You'd wanna do it properly?
Ah, f*ck! Somebody shot me!