Gift of the Magi 2: Return of the Magi lyrics

I used to be a dead guy
Now I'm a f*cking Jedi
And I've got lots of news for you
And I've got a long list of things to do
I used to dwell in the present
I used to be so hesitant
But now I've got my whole life to live
And I've got all my love to give
To all you f*ckers that I hate

It's like the Gift of the Magi
More like the Gift of the Magi 2
You sold your soul to buy some tits
And I sold my soul to grow a di*k
We got to get him in the van
But what if he resists?
Just kick him in the back of the f*cking head
And put him in the back of the f*cking van

It's a miracle of science
All this betrayal and violence
And it lives inside us all
It lives inside our heart
Just like a stupid f*cking tapeworm
Who can we blame?
The husband divorced his wife
After she cut her hair
Because she was way less f*ckable
And that's just unforgivable
He moved into a condo
He hung out by the pool
But he never wore a bathing suit
He just wanted to scope out the talent

If God doesn't like ugly
Then God doesn't like anybody
So f*ck God anyway
God is obsolete
Oh, my God thinks my jokes are funny
There is no one to blame
People are just f*cking mean

Go Suns!