Father’s Return: an original FNAF 3 musical lyrics

[Verse 1]
They found one
A real one
You gotta know one
To be one
Head to head
With the undead
Vincent guy’s alive
Or so they’ve said
Brought to life
He now wields a knife
For hours we face off
I’m this strife
Through the night
My mind does fright
From hallucinations
Both left and right
Paging through the cams
I hope I can
Find the secrets i need to fully succeed
*coughing* I really gotta go see a doctor about this I-I’m gonna leave my shift early

[Skit]
Give it to me straight doc. Is it bad?
Oh it’s bad, it’s real bad I mean super bad!
Animatronics, sing him out!

[Verse 2]
Oompa Loompa doopity doo
I’ve got a diagnosis for you
Super duper cancer stage two
Infects your lungs with evil black goo
What do you get when you smoke cigarettes
All night while fending off the marionette?
What should you try when your lungs are all dry
When, like the Aftons they burn up inside?
Chem therapy will not be enough
Super cancer is way too tough! (I don’t like the sound of it)
Oompa Loompa doopity doo I’ve [?]

[Skit]
You have an everlasting gobstopper on your shirt
What!?
I said you have an everlasting gobstopper on your shirt
I can’t hear you! The oompamatrinic’s illusion disks are ringing too loud!
Um yes Mr. Guy? I would like to request some sick time off
*incomprehensible*
I’ve recently been diagnosed with
*incomprehensible*
What’s that?
*incomprehensible*
Well, sh*t I’m all out of sick days guess I gotta… return to Freddy’s
[Verse 3]
Well I’m back
Um is it just me or do things seem a little bit different around here
Freddy mask? Toxicity
Now how could this exactly be?
I was just here the other night
And I don’t remember cameras with lights
This office is completely off!
Could this be a side effect of my cough?
Hallucinations? Couldn’t be
This feels just like reality
I guess I’ll shine light down the hall
God dammit it broke and won’t shine at all!
There we go, the light turned on
But who’s the fox animatron?

[Verse 4]
(Dadadopdopdopdopdop didi didi dopdop didi dopdopdopdopdopdopdop)
I’m Freddy Fazbear
I’m gonna give you a Freddy faz-scare
And let’s just say
I have some new Freddy Faz-hair
And I also have some new Freddy fax-friends
Let me introduce you to them

[Verse 5]
My name is sugar the cat!
I am not to be confused with
Candy the cat!
I can appear in your hallway
And also in vents
I’m sugar the cat
[Verse 6]
I’m kitty fazcat the pink cat
This game was made for me but…
Why must the star always be the bear Freddy
I start in party room 2 and climb over things
Wear the mask so I don’t scare you while I sings

[Verse 7]
Something borrowed, something new
Something Scooby, something Doo
Knick knack paddy whack give a dog a bone
Someone’s called you on your phone

[Verse 8]
You Mr. White
I’m the phone guy yeah that’s right
And I’ve got some bad news so buckle up your shoes
Your rival! He’s back!
He’s back! It’s Mr. Black
And he’s working right next door so you better mop those floors
Wear the mask and light the vents and hope that you can prevent
All these foes from coming through
Wait I think one sees you!
Yeah I’m Jesse Pinkman on the beat to!

[Verse 9]
Who was that? Could it be?
Yes it is, it’s shadow me!
Working right across the street
Better not leave my office seat
Cause here he comes, right on cue
The darkness gives him a strange hue
This elusive man is quite the threat
Probably the largest yet
Put on my mask and pray I last
5 AM has nearly passed
Hear the clock tick to the hour
Minute by minute it’s getting louder
But luckily I don’t have to fear
For 6 AM is drawing near
That’s one night down already
But I’ll still have to return to Freddy’s

[Verse 10]
I’m Mr. FNAF fanverse
I’m Mr. Phone
I’m Mr. Game developer
I’m Mr. Emacko
Friend call me Ace Macko
That cat was my idea
But he’s stolen by this pizzeria?
Mama Mia
Hm I wonder if there’s any loser in Colorado, United States who can get my characters out of that sh*tty pizzeria

[Skit]
Two hours later
Hi excuse me Mr. Guy, is it?
Listen my client designed this here animatronic and he really doesn’t want it running amuck in your establishment
Well do you have the paperwork to prove it?
Yeah I left it over there uhh let me just go and get it
Woaah wooaah woooooaaah ay! Ay I’m slipping here! I’m a slippin jimmy! Woooooaaaooh

[Verse 11]
Too late
My time has come
Send springlocks down my spine
Jimmy’s slippin’ all the time
Goodbye, everybody
I’m falling down
Gonna slide across the hall
And spring the suit
Mama oooooooh
I don’t wanna fall
Sometimes I wish I never done slipped at all
Oompa doompa Dee dead!
You’ve gone and sprung the suit
And now you are… well
It’s already been said

[Skit]
Clara! The baby isn’t mine
It is, vlad they had trouble catching him in the nursery today
For what! Lots of kids get hyper and run around and stuff
They had to knock him out of the air with a—
Tragedy strikes at a pizzeria today with the local closing down of Freddy Fazbear’s pizzeria
Reports say a lawyer was trapped inside one of the mascot costumes and ended up getting killed brutally
Eyewitness accounts also report that Saul Goodman, the victim of this accident, slipped backwards on a bar of soap, falling into the costume which caused his own demise
The pizzeria has closed down due to this incident and it does not have any plans to open back up anytime soon
Welp, guess that means I won’t have to return to Freddy’s again
*phone ringing*
Alright Mr. White
I found out the cure to super cancer well
It’s all the way in Japan!
Gilbert facility b*tch!
It’s like far away
You’d have to drive pretty fast if you wanna make it there
Let’s go
Oh no! I gotta get going now!

[Verse 12]
Driving Walter I am driving
Gotta stop myself from dying
Super cancer coughing constant
Gotta get there right this instant
Hope I make it with no cars hit
But if I do I don’t give sh*t
Survived all five nights at Freddy’s
And the nights returned to Freddy’s
Super cancer woe is Walter
Gotta cure myself much better
My family’s all that matters
Get them money working hours
At this diner hope I make it
These robot ghosts just will not quit
My condition is getting worse
Hope this isn’t my final verse
Yeah that’s right b*tch
Better drive there quickly
To the Gilbert Facility
Source of the cure for your disease
If you go here now you might win
These nights returning to the pizzeria b*tch
I’m calling you now on the phone so you don’t sing
This whole b*tchin verse all alone
Yeah that’s right b*tch playin FNAF 3
Spendin’ five nights return to Freddy’s
The road that falls drivin’ for hours
If you don’t go quickly then you’ll
Die! Die!
Mr. White you’ll
Die! Die!
Mr. White you’ll
Never get to act out the
Happiest moment of your life
Or see the joy of creation
Of your own infant daughter’s birth

[Skit]
Alright I’m here
Now all I have to do is find that cure
You mean this cure?
Oh yes actually thanks can you hand it over
I don’t think I’ll be doing that anytime soon
You see this cure has many side effects
One of which is 90% immortality
Wait a minute I recognize that voice
You’re the one who runs Freddy’s
I go by many names
The one that owns Freddy’s, Gustavo Fring, the old dirtbag with a chainsaw but please call me Souldozer
I should’ve known it was you
You’re not even in the right song
Neither are you or anyone else really
Well I’m here for one thing and one thing only
And I’m not leaving until I get it
So we both agree on one thing then and we’re never making it out of here 50/20 mode engage
Muahaha

[Verse 13]
We are the Lockjaws we are fifty
Mess with us and things won’t be pretty
Just try to stop us, you think that’s funny?
We’re not f*cking around
Our difficulty’s twenty
You wanna know what it’s like to lock jaws?
Well we’re gonna lock it down for ya
Cause we’re the ones who lock

[Verse 14]
And I’m the one who likes breakfast
I’m Lock Jr… but you can call me MC Jaw
My favorite meal is cheese with crackers

[Verse 15]
I’m Rickshaw Lockjaw I ride an auto rickshaw
I drive around fast and I’m gonna getcha
One Lockjaw two Lockjaw
Red lockjaw blue Lockjaw
Me Lockjaw you Lockjaw
Old Lockjaw new Lockjaw

[Verse 16]
I’m Shadow Tortured Lockjaw
Aughhh, I’m so shadowy and tortured

[Verse 17]
I’m tiny I’m small
I’m a plushie from the mall
If you squeeze me I’ll talk
Fifty phrases hear them all
One for every Lockjaw yes siree
Buy me now and get an extra one for free
Plushjaw
Now available in stores
If you don’t like this variant we have many more
There’s a tie dye plush and balloon one too
Buy me now
While I’m still brand new

[Verse 18]
My name’s Frankburt, I’m a male stripper
And well
I’m gonna strip your skin off of you
And then I’m gonna strip your clothes
And then we’re gonna have sex. (woooaaaaah)

[Verse 19]
My name’s Dankburt, top of Faze Clan!
I’ll noscope you listening to Derude Sand-
-Storm, now I am going to perform
On stage with Frankburt because I am also a male stripper

[Verse 20]
I’m Stankburt I haven’t showered all week
With this corpse stuffed inside me I
Absolutely r-
This verse f*cking sucks, can we bring in the next guy?

[Verse 21]
I’m Hybrid Lockjaw made in the machine
Im Nightmare Lockjaw and I’m really mean
I’m Adventure Lockjaw I’ll attack with DBz
Hey I’m Horror Lockjaw

[Verse 22]
I’m Lickjuice and I’m crazy
My name comes from a
Guy named Jay
Who once said in the comments of my
Gamejolt page
That Lickjuice’s jumpscare was scary

[Verse 23]
Uh oh
How unfortunate
Uh oh
How unfortunate
I’m gonna do a sneaky thing
And add a few Lockjaws who will sing

[Verse 24]
I’m Italian Lockjaw from Italy
At the pizzeria I cook-a the pie

[Verse 25]
I came first but I’m far from the worst!

[Verse 26]
I’m Lockjaw but with the gender reversed

[Verse 27]
I don’t know what I’ve been told
But one Lockjaw is made of gold
And now that you have heard us all
It’s time for the final verse of-
And now the Lockjaw you’ve all been waiting for
Get ready for Lockjaw 20-

[Verse 28]
I’m Slipjaw now it’s Saul over for you
You’ll wish you stayed playing FNAF 2
Think you can survive for five?
I doubt you’ll make it out alive
I’ll fight for you Albuquerque
And all the kids who died before me
Now let me take it down a notch
I’ll give you lockjaw
With my crotch

[Skit]
Heads up Mr. White take this
The only way to stop these men is to free their souls
So what you’re saying is I have to dismantle all fifty animatronics
Yeah but that’s impossible
There’s no way you’d be able to dismantle them all all in time
You’re completely surrounded
Well I never thought this was how I’d be going out
But I was going to meet my maker sooner or later anyways
It’s been a fun ride today
Hell, I’d even say it was one of my happiest days
Goodbye Jesse
This ends now
For me, for Saul, and for all the trapped spirits who returned to Freddy’s only to die at the hands of these corrupt machines
And drug gang lords
See you on the flip side
End communication

[Outro]
What? What is that? What’s going on?
Merry Christmas
Oh my god it’s Santa Claus
Yes it is, Walter and uhhh
I have a very special gift for you
What is this?
It is the cure to your condition Walter the cure for super cancer oh my god it’s finally got it! The cure! Yippee!
Yo Mr. White let’s go celebrate at Frankbert’s!
Oh yeah get ready for frankbert!