I Hope I’m Funny lyrics

[Announcer]
Let's get your hands together
And give him a big San Francisco round of applause
Mr. Richard Pryor, come on, give it up

[Cheers and applause]

Thank you, thank you, good evening
Hope I'm funny
Yeah, 'cause I know n*ggas ready to kick ass
Talkin' 'bout, "You better be funny, muthaf*cka"
Hello
Wow, this is very exciting, very exciting
I'm glad y'all came
Came? Yeah, glad y'all come to the show
What?! Don't start no sh*t now
n*ggas be startin' a fight and sh*t in the club
Pull out a pistol and sh*t, clear everything out
n*ggas never get burned up in buildings
They know how to get out of a muthaf*ckin' situation
They do, white folks just panic, run to the door, fall all over each other, dribblin' down and sh*t
n*ggas get outside then argue
"I left my money in the muthaf*cka!"
Why am I walking? I'm running to keep outta y'alls way
I be movin' and sh*t, make my mind work
Feets, and feet—you know, tight shoes make a n*gga say anything
You ever been like—if you had tight shoes on, tight shoes is a muthaf*cka, brother
They don't need to beat up no n*gga down in jail to make him confess
Give him a size too small
'Bout an hour, that n*gga'll be, "I'll tell!"
I used to be really so poor, I'd walk down the street
You ever do that, look for money? And pretendin' like you ain't
I used to lose money
I lost some money once, man, I lost money, man
My mother gave me money to go pay a light bill, I lost ten dollars
And panicked, 'cause I know mama's gon' kick my ass
You know what I mean, that ten dollars, jack
And I walked up and this white dude saw me crying on the corner
And said, "What's wrong with you, boy?"
I told him my story, cat gave me ten dollars
I said, "What, gave me ten bucks?"
sh*t, I was out there every day, crying my ass off
How you doin'? Good, good—did you want a drink?
Uh, waitress, waitress—no, see, the waitresses are working as fast as they can
But see, you n*ggas have funny orders
"Uh, give me a Cutty and a orange juice, and a Coke on the side
No, wait, change that, give me two—what you want, baby?
Make my old lady a champagne c*cktail with a cherry twist
Piece of lemon, piece of lemon—ayy, b*tch, I wasn't through!
Piece of lemon and some turtle soup!"