Girl or Dog lyrics

[Intro]
What up, Paco? Little f*cker
She's such a mess, so depressed
He just looks at me
I look at her and see my reflection crookedly
He can't talk but he understands
All I want is quality time with both of 'em
But she's got other plans

[Verse 1]
We shared a common love
But she was hesitant
I dove in face first like f*ck the prerequisite
He tried to warn me
This girl was bad news
But I was lonely, in need of a companion
Canine or female, I'm like f*ck it I'll take them both
And lost track of what I needed most (how selfish)
She had stories of abandonment and Prozac
They kind of bored me to the point I felt concerned
Until I learned that he'd been watching every episode
And taking notes on how to sit and wait his turn
Now if only I could find a way to make her stop talking about herself for more than two minutes
We could get married
What a scary thought
All I saw was ducks crying and a silent child absorbing everything
Waiting for his chance to scream
Like for instance, the time she made me feel guilty
For my accomplishments and her lack of passion
Mind sex was an understatement, let's call it brain rape
And when I needed them walks, he didn't hesitate
So now I'm like evaluating every move she makes
Cause her words get more irrelevant with every sip she takes
Sometimes he gets me p*ssed and small sh*t escalates
It's a strange relationship but it's a bond that never breaks
And I strongly suggest, the next time that you find yourself looking for love
Just get a pet. And wear a bulletproof vest
Cause you never know, she could be the one looking to bum a cigarette
It's such a simple concept, never trust a big ass with emo glasses and alcoholic tendencies
Chances are that in all her drunken splendor
She'll leave out the part about her chemical dependencies