Bowling Song (Almighty Malachi, Professional Bowling God) lyrics

You watch me on your TV
Say that my job is easy
Say I am not athletic
You think my sport's pathetic

But you can't judge me 'till you've walked a mile in my bowling shoes

So I don't get all the ladies
Got a mullet from the 80's
I am known throughout the valleys
As the prophet of alleys

And as I roll the ball I cry, "Let me bowl or let me die!"
I'm almighty Malakai, the bowling god
The smell of rosin gets my high
Kiss those f*ckin' pins goodbye!
I'm almighty Malakai, the bowling... the bowling... god

Got a ball that's smooth and all black
I keep it in my favorite ball-sac
I get a feeling in my soul
As I finger every hole

And as I roll the ball I cry, "Let me bowl or let me die!"
I'm almighty Malakai, the bowling god
The smell of rosin gets my high
Kiss those motherf*ckin' pins goodbye!
I'm almighty Malakai, the bowling... the bowling...
Not a single men will try, to beat almighty Malakai
All who challenge me are slain
Come on, f*ckers pick a lane
Marshall Holman, Gary di*kins(on), get in line for your ass kickins'
John Petraglia and Norman Duke, you're so lame it makes me puke
Who amongst the pro-bowl sector
Dares to don his wrist protector
Not that pus*y Nelson Burton, tells me that his wrist is hurtin'
Hey Mike Aulby, Earl the Pearl, are ya' scared to give the ball a hurl?
How bout' di*key Webber and his son Pete? I'll turn the motha f*ckas to cream of wheat!

And as I roll the ball I cry, "Let me bowl or let me die!"
I'm almighty Malakai, the bowling god
The smell of rosin gets my high
Kiss those f*ckin' pins goodbye!
I'm almighty Malakai, the bowling... bowlin... ohhhhh!
The bowling god!!